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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up with pregnancy announcements

53 replies

pregahes · 22/12/2023 23:00

Literally just that.

Bitter post yes, but I've had enough of them. They make me angry after five years of infertility,

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 22/12/2023 23:03

So would you just rather turn up at a friend's house one day and find out they have a baby

Original poster
pregahes · 22/12/2023 23:03

@Coyoacan obviously not. Still fed up with them

OP posts:
BlackThumb · 22/12/2023 23:04

100% with you. So hard.

I do actually really want to be happy for them, but I can’t remove my sadness for myself that comes before that.

Solidarity. Feels like they’re one a week at the moment.

Original poster
pregahes · 22/12/2023 23:06

@BlackThumb glad it's not just me and I'm annoyed anger is my first response but it is

OP posts:
momsybear · 22/12/2023 23:09

I feel you OP. Don't know what the answer is but hugs xxx

BlackThumb · 22/12/2023 23:09

I don’t think anyone who hasn’t been in the situation can understand it. It really does just provoke emotions you can’t control.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/12/2023 23:11

Sorry you’re having a hard time, it’s an especially painful time of year if you’re desperate for a baby and it’s not happening 💐💐💐

DontGoGran · 22/12/2023 23:12

I felt similarly 2.5 years into our TTC journey, but many of our friends knew so were quite considerate in telling us in private first before larger announcements so I could have my little cry and then be happy for them. ❤️

thistimelastweek · 22/12/2023 23:13

Hugs OP.
You feel what you feel.

Wishing you peace.

KimberleyClark · 22/12/2023 23:15

I’m so sorry, it’s really hard.

laladoodoo · 22/12/2023 23:15

Of course you are allowed to feel that - totally understandable 😞

FortheBeautyoftheEarth · 22/12/2023 23:22

Yes completely feel you OP. I had along battle with this in the past (4 years) trying for baby. I found pregnancy announcements very painful and for this reason with my pregnancy I've decided to keep it all off social media completely. There is no really good justification for flaunting and showboating - people try to justify it to themselves but honestly, they have phones and can contact friends and family to share the news that way.

It is such a painful and empty feeling, felt like what was wrong with me?! I'm not one for comparisons but it just felt like a smack in the face and a punch in the gut every time. Of course I would congratulate them and with time reframed it as a positive thing, maybe my turn next kind of thing. But still hard.

StuffLoriThangs · 22/12/2023 23:28

I’m with you. Even on my “infertility instagram” everyone seems to be pregnant.

but not me.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 22/12/2023 23:30

Announcements of good news are part of life. Engagements. Weddings. Pregnancies. Births. Buying a house. It’s not unreasonable to find it hard when someone is celebrating something you long for but don’t have, it is hard to see others announcing something you’re anxiously hoping for. That said, I expect if your times comes you will also make an announcement in some form and have excitedly shared other types of news (eg: engagement/ wedding) in the past. You also don’t know what kind of journey other people have had to get to the point of an announcement. It’s okay to feel sad though, if it’s really hard are you able to mute people on social media or leave it altogether to try and avoid announcements from people out side of your day-to-day social circle?

Beseen22 · 22/12/2023 23:45

I get it. Its not something I talk to anyone about but this is a particularly tough time of year and it does seem like it's announcement after announcement. What I find even more frustrating is in the next week people start posting a round up of all their achievements over 2023 and what they are looking forward to in the upcoming year. It's OK to remove yourself from social media and mute WhatsApp groups for a bit if you need to.

elcee23 · 22/12/2023 23:50

Hugs OP, I can only imagine how totally exhausting it must be to feel pressure to mask your own feelings at all times and have to be on guard every time you lift your phone for well intentioned social media posts that are a constant reminder of your pain. Harder still when there is a strong expectation for you to react in an excited and positive way when you've just been confronted with your own grief again and again. I supported a very close friend throughout her IVF journey and it made my heart ache to watch her smile through announcement after announcement and congratulate and ask all the right questions to allow other people to celebrate their lovely news. Much worse when she had to listen to complaints and moans about pregnancy aches and pains from someone who had no idea what she was going through.

I have so much respect for the bravery it takes to keep going through this on repeat but also want to say that not being brave and being allowed to feel shitty in these situations HAS to be normalised in our society, especially when so many women are experiencing this.

YellowHatt · 22/12/2023 23:51

Coyoacan · 22/12/2023 23:03

So would you just rather turn up at a friend's house one day and find out they have a baby

This happened to me. Old work friend and we used to meet up about once a year. One year I turned up at her house and she had a baby. I was TTC at the time and she said she didn’t know how to tell me so just… didn’t.

(For what it’s worth it was a good day and I laughed. But if it had been a bad day I don’t know how I would have felt.)

Wednesdaysotherchild · 22/12/2023 23:53

100% agree, OP

justanothermummma · 22/12/2023 23:54

I'm so sorry OP, I can't even imagine how you must be feeling right now.

A close friend of mine spent 9 years in the same position and slowly stopped attending events as the rest of the group began having babies. Especially when some babies were 'accidental' when she was trying for so long.

I made a decision to educate myself on infertility, IVF and adoption so I could be a support system for my friend during such a difficult time and it definitely improved my relationship with my friend.

However, after 9 years, she's finally had success and given birth to a gorgeous baby boy and I am beyond thrilled for her. There is a little light at the end of the tunnel and I send you all my love on your journey.

Sadly there will always be babies, as much as there will always be loss and infertility amongst them. It's how your friends choose to approach the complexities that matters. They won't be able to solve your problems but they can learn to support you better, all I can say is that the struggle to conceive should NEVER be a taboo, it should be a learning experience so people know how to support others.

All my love OP. X

MrsSkylerWhite · 22/12/2023 23:56

That must be very difficult but would you rather your friends didn't include you in their news?

If so, tell them all. I would understand.

SisterHyster · 22/12/2023 23:57

You are obviously being unreasonable, but that’s okay.

We had to wait a long time between children due to serious health reasons, and then it took us a long time to conceive our second, with lots of loss, treatment and crap in between.

It’s easy for me to now say you are being unreasonable, but three years ago I’d be right there with you. Even now that I’m “done” I still feel a pang when someone announces their pregnancy. And I don’t even want to be pregnant now.

LaughingCat · 23/12/2023 00:08

Nope, your anger is valid and completely understandable. You know it’s not reasonable, which is why you’re telling us rather than your pregnant friends how you’re feeling, but absolutely valid, nonetheless.

There’s a little bit of that stomach dropping feeling, like when you’re on a rollercoaster when you hear another announcement, isn’t there? And you want to just be happy for them but you’re also sad and it’s unfair, why can’t it be you making the announcement…when is it your turn, and then you’re angry at yourself for feeling like that as well.

Let yourself feel it, and the sadness and fear underneath it too. You can’t squish them down or pretend you don’t feel them. Hugs to you and hope for the future.

Prayfortheangels · 23/12/2023 00:25

It took me twenty years to conceive. I never begrudged anyone else's pregnancy through that. It seem odd and selfish not to be happy for other people.

rainbowtea23 · 23/12/2023 00:26

Completely understand how you feel OP. I was feeling very much what was the point in carrying on with life at the end of 2021 I was in that bad a place. After 9 years it had taken it out of me and I didn’t know what I could do other than stop trying. We did for my mental health. 3 months later I was pregnant. I spend the entire time in this fog of disbelief and never made a pregnancy announcement as I hardly believed it myself and I didn’t want to upset friends I had who were in the same situation with long term infertility.

Ella31 · 23/12/2023 02:13

Prayfortheangels · 23/12/2023 00:25

It took me twenty years to conceive. I never begrudged anyone else's pregnancy through that. It seem odd and selfish not to be happy for other people.

To be fair I don't think she is begrudging anyone's pregnancy, she's just feeling immense pain when she sees those announcements. I commend you on how strong you were those 20 years but most people don't have that strength when infertility occurs. Glad it worked out for you.