To be fed up with pregnancy announcements

[pregahes]

Literally just that.

Bitter post yes, but I've had enough of them. They make me angry after five years of infertility,

So no one should share anything nice about themselves at all ever, I presume you have never shared anything nice about yourself previously?

Yes we would be much happier if we all locked ourselves away and never interacted with people incase someone was upset about something

Could’ve written this myself. It’s taken me almost six years to get pregnant. I always promised myself I’d never announce it over social media if I was fortunate enough, and now I’m in that position it’s still the last thing I want to do. The thought of causing that level of sadness to someone that I know the feeling of all to well is unacceptable in my opinion. Quite why anyone beyond my close circle of family and friends would give a shit is beyond me anyway.

OP I totally understand you. I came off Facebook about two years ago after one too many “oops look what happened” posts, and never looked back. I only follow things about dogs and art on Instagram. I had to protect myself. The battle isn’t any easier this time of year either. People who haven’t been through this just won’t ever understand.

Wisjing you lots of luck on your journey xx

My teenage girls can be a pain in the tits, but I can't imagine how hard it must be to want something so badly and not be able to have it xxx

This 🙌🏼

It isn't social media announcement or nothing though is it? I did share my news by messaging close friends individually and privately and I had some friends I knew who were struggling/had struggled and I mattered to me that I didn't just throw the news in their face but actually shared it in a way that showed how much they meant to me as well and acknowledging that it had not been an easy road. Then there were the first 12 weeks to get through which were a very anxious time.

I think PP's have nailed it - you either appreciate how much of a huge thing it is or you don't. And if you don't it's like"ooh let me have my moment 🎉💋🤳

But surely 'your moment' is holding your baby in your arms for the first time, not broadcasting the bump/scan pics etc

(I'm 28 weeks pregnant as I write this and have not changed my view!) I am unbelievably grateful for this baby and happy but I can't switch off what I know and understand other people are going through.

I understand your feelings. However try to think of it on the flip side. When your turn comes you'll want to share your exciting news with people, and you'll want them to be happy for you.

There’s a huge difference between being told this news sensitively and seeing yet another scan on Facebook as if the whole world should take note. It’s inevitable that people will have babies of course, but having gone through infertility myself, these impersonal broadcasts cut like a knife right when you aren’t expecting it. I was very excited to tell my close family and friends when it was my turn, but I also had the decency to understand that actually most people do not care, and I don’t need to overshare for the sake of getting attention!

I have 2 DC and both times we just told close family and friends at 12 weeks after the scan. No posts on social media. We only did one post on social media after the birth of each of our children so everyone could see the baby’s photos and know that the baby had arrived safely. Most of our family live abroad and we come from a huge family so thought it was the most efficient way.

In our culture, we are asian, we do not believe in social media posts before the birth of the baby due to the fear of attracting the evil eye. In other words people who are jealous or angry wishing bad on the baby or mother.

I get where you are coming from, maybe the solution is to come off social media for a while as you can’t control what others will post about.

I had fertility issues and my turn never came. I am at peace with not being a mother now and content with my life, and I am actually happy for people when they announce their pregnancy, but I will never forget the crushing feeling in my chest, and having to plaster on a smile though inwardly I was howling in pain.

I understand. That's not so say people shouldn't be able to announce pregnancies. But I understand they can sting.

I'm sorry you're struggling with infertility, and are fed up hearing other folk's announcements - it must be really hard emotionally.

That said, other people are also entitled to share their joy at being pregnant.

I get you OP. We had 11 years of unexplained infertility and then we lost a child late in pregnancy. Every announcement was like a punch in the gut, I was happy for them, of course I was happy for them but to see seemingly everyone else you know get what you want so desperately is very hard. It just grinds you down and if you haven't experienced it you can't possibly understand.

@SquashPenguin Yeah I agree - the announcement approach is really impersonal. Why would you even want to do it that way? I suspect that if people really honestly examined their true motives behind that the answer would not be comfortable for them.
Surely the joy of the pregnancy itself and sharing with your close circle, those who love you, should be enough? Also surely if they are good enough friends, you would also be thinking about them as individuals as as yourself and want to message them personally?
The people who love you will be happy for you and you can tell them personally and then the random people or those who may be struggling or just aren't interested..I can't help but question why you'd pretend to be obvious to what you know some people will be feeling.
Perhaps deep down some people, if they are brutally honest want to one up others or prove some kind of sick point but they dress the vanity around it all up 'sharing their joy' or some bollocks to make it respectable and ok.... but this isn't like 'haha I got a promotion or a new car or whatever, some people have actually lost babies, had still births etc. this is so much more painful than missing the boat on a job or commenting.

Even I'd that isn't the motive, isn't the pregnancy enough on its own without some narcissistic fanfare of validation? (As I said previously, pregnant myself so no sour grapes - just find SM culture for parents very toxic and irritating!) And thinking of others should never be an afterthought. I'm entitled to be oblivious , and attention seeking yes if I choose to yes, but now I know better from experience, I would rather choose better.

@FortheBeautyoftheEarth You’d think being able to tell those closest to you in a personal way would be enough, but some people really do need to make sure those people from uni they haven’t spoken to for 15 years are fully informed. It’s attention seeking pure and simple. People need ‘likes’. Who gives a shit if someone you don’t really know spends their day in tears at your 87 scan and bump photos after all?!

I have an older child, so I'm also very aware that it's not the same as being childless and wanting to become a mum but..

Pregnancy announcements, even now, two years after we stopped trying for a second, make me take a deep breath. At the time,and especially after my DS2, and then my DD died, they made me feel actually sick. I'm not a jealous person but grief and loss and infertility made me bitter and desperately hurt.

It didn't mean I wasn't happy for them, but it made me starkly aware of how unhappy for me I was. And in the middle of a random Saturday morning when I was going about my day, then being unexpectedly greeted with a "''here's what you should have won!" was indescribably hard.

Sorry for the many typos in my post 🙈 missed the boat on edit!

I’m with you OP. And fed up of feeling shit for not just feeling happy for other people. Makes me feel like a horrible person and makes it worse.

All social media is deactivated over Christmas because this time of year there’s always loads!

I know exactly how you feel. I was nearly 20 years into my relationship before I conceived.

The advice regarding social media is spot on. I don’t use it all. I’ve never had a FB or Instagram account and likely never will.

By doing this you only interact with people you genuinely know and that gives you a realistic view of life not a distorted best version that social media encourages.

This way you jointly experience highs and lows with people you know and have a far more balanced view on life. It helps you realise that everyone has problems. The only difference is that everyone’s problems are not the same.

I genuinely believe that social media is the root cause of many people’s unhappiness. Why do you care what some vague acquaintance claims to have done?

OP i completely understand! I’m in the same position myself , I feel like every second person is pregnant right now. I am happy for them but I do feel a sense of anger.

Recently we found out that my SIL sis pregnant with her 3rd - which was an accident. She quite a few month along and the whole family knew but hid it from us. When we saw her recently she was showing much more - but she still didn’t mention it.

My husband and I feel quite insulted by this but I am really happy for her.

My friends have been really nice about it. When I recently went to visit a friends new born- she messaged me after to ask if I was ok - and that she knows it’s difficult for me to be around new borns.

I think some of you are missing the point. It’s not about other people not sharing nice things.
Its about the feeling that someone gets when there is something missing from their life.
it is lovely when nice things happen but there can be a feeling of “why not me?”

and the thing about infertility is that you have no idea if “your time will come” and for many it won’t. So those kind of platitudes are hollow.

It’s so hard.
my mother in law actually text me today to forewarn me that a member of the family is announcing their pregnancy at a party later. I’m so happy for them but I’m so grateful for my MIL giving me the heads up because ive been able to cry about it today and I can slap a brave face on later and cry abit more tomorrow.

Thank you for your replies I expected most people to tell me how mean I am so it's a pleasant surprise and good to know I'm not the only one.

Although I also will add, I actually feel relieved I'm not having a baby which makes my feelings even more frustrating. I get angry but feel relieved at the same time. I think the anger isn't because they've had a baby but because fertility isn't a problem in their life.

How bizarre but it's the truth. Infertility is what angers me, the fact I cannot just choose to have a baby and have one. It's not the lack of the actual baby that makes me angry.

There's many complex issues going on, very hard to explain.

I do empathise with the anger. That other people could just go to bed and have sex and bingo,make a baby, sometimes without even meaning to, whereas I was injecting myself twice daily with drugs, undergoing invasive internal scans, several times over, shelling out thousands and no baby to show for it. It did make me angry. You’d have to be a saint not to feel anger.

well no one will agree with me but….

I can’t empathise
I’ve had fertility issues and currently going through a miscarriage (first time I’ve been pregnant) a few friends are pregnant and I would never be angry of their announcements
i would feel joy for them. They have every right to celebrate and announce it.
no one should have to walk on egg shells

hate to say it but bitterness is not a healthy approach.
it won’t help
bitterness just makes you miserable
resilience has no place for bitterness

I agree with you when it’s overblown announcements on social media, with pics of pregnancy tests / scans etc, that’s so upsetting. If it’s a text or telling in person, that’s just sharing news.