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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think this is such good advice from the wonderful Marian Keyes about Christmas?

41 replies

a1234567 · 22/12/2023 21:24

These are such wise words for me, certainly.

Marian Keyes on taking care of yourself at Christmas

For those for whom Christmas is not the most wonderful time of the year, some advice from Marian

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4eDFg-XTuQ

OP posts:
WinterNamechange · 22/12/2023 21:29

What’s the advice condensed for those of us who cant watch the video? (I’m lying in bed with a poorly DC)

PamelaParis · 22/12/2023 21:32

YABU to not tell us what the advice actually is.

a1234567 · 22/12/2023 21:37

The video is worth a watch and it's not easy for me to summarise it, but she is basically saying that Christmas is a torture for most people and she offers advice about how to endure it, especially if you are unable to be with family, have lost family members, or just are too afraid to be around family. She advocates not putting pressure on ourselves over one day, but in a very witty, and marvellous way. Personally I think it is a must watch and perhaps I shouldn't have posted it in the AIBU section... :-)

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 22/12/2023 21:40

I can’t agree that it’s ’torture for most people’.
For some, yes.

WinterNamechange · 22/12/2023 22:04

Hmm it sounds like the video might be good for people who actually do find Christmas ‘torture’ but for the rest of us who quite like it then sounds like it’s not worth watching..

Idontknow010101 · 22/12/2023 22:15

Thank you op, I am lucky that I am not finding it a torture but I appreciate her sentiment, she seems so lovely and compassionate doesn't she

usernother · 22/12/2023 22:21

I don't think it's a torture for most people

PurpleChrayne · 22/12/2023 22:31

I can't abide this victim mentality that seems to surround all occasions these days. On mother's day we can't just celebrate, we have to think of every other permutation of mother ("dog moms"), at Christmas it's all about how miserable it can be.

We need to give our collective heads a wobble.

KimberleyClark · 22/12/2023 22:39

She is right that most of us are totally overinvested in Christmas and have unrealistic expectations.

5foot5 · 22/12/2023 22:48

Haven't listened to the video because I can't right now, but I am saying YABU purely on the basis of your summary where you say:

Christmas is a torture for most people

I really, really doubt that. I could buy that some people find it a difficult time of year for various reasons. But torture is a very dramatic word.

AyrshireTryer · 22/12/2023 22:48

PurpleChrayne · 22/12/2023 22:31

I can't abide this victim mentality that seems to surround all occasions these days. On mother's day we can't just celebrate, we have to think of every other permutation of mother ("dog moms"), at Christmas it's all about how miserable it can be.

We need to give our collective heads a wobble.

She says in the first few seconds the video is not for everyone.
If the video is not for you that's lovely and fine,
but it will be for others.
Have a lovely Christmas.

Lastarse · 22/12/2023 22:53

Nice video - thanks for sharing OP 🙂

ssd · 22/12/2023 23:38

Its not a torture here but i still love her.

a1234567 · 23/12/2023 20:10

Personally speaking I think she is spot on and it is almost refreshing to hear it said and I applaud her honesty.
I don't think all people find Christmas torture, but for those that do find it hard, emotionally, it can be very turbulent indeed on ones emotions to be enforced to be around family. That's my take on it. Thank you for discussing my AIBU. It's the first time I have posted in this part of the forum.......!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
StarlightLime · 23/12/2023 20:15

5foot5 · 22/12/2023 22:48

Haven't listened to the video because I can't right now, but I am saying YABU purely on the basis of your summary where you say:

Christmas is a torture for most people

I really, really doubt that. I could buy that some people find it a difficult time of year for various reasons. But torture is a very dramatic word.

Edited

Yes.
I haven't watched the video, but I doubt this was actually said.

a1234567 · 25/12/2023 22:12

You're welcome. It's actually just warmed my heart to read that you are happy that I shared this.

OP posts:
TheOccupier · 25/12/2023 22:27

Can't be arsed to pause the TV and watch this but HOW does she look so young? Isn't she in her 50s? Does giving up alcohol really make that much difference?

BookWorm45 · 25/12/2023 22:30

Looking forward to listening to this as soon as I
Can!

Crikeyalmighty · 25/12/2023 22:38

Comes over as a fabulous person - and she is right - there is a lot of pressure for the matching PJs, elf on the shelf, lots of trips - smiling jolly family -type Xmas- and for many this is not feasible for all kinds of reasons

mikado1 · 25/12/2023 22:52

TheOccupier · 25/12/2023 22:27

Can't be arsed to pause the TV and watch this but HOW does she look so young? Isn't she in her 50s? Does giving up alcohol really make that much difference?

She loves her skincare and tweakments. She's also not super thin which does tend to help with an ageing face.. I agree that she always looks great. Plus, she's very happy with her life and her lovely husband.

JudgeJ · 25/12/2023 22:58

Crikeyalmighty · 25/12/2023 22:38

Comes over as a fabulous person - and she is right - there is a lot of pressure for the matching PJs, elf on the shelf, lots of trips - smiling jolly family -type Xmas- and for many this is not feasible for all kinds of reasons

The 'preacher's is largely self-inflicted, they only exist because people fall for it! Matching pj s for example, most photos I have seen look hideous.

JudgeJ · 25/12/2023 22:59

Pressures not preacher's

Hellokittymania · 25/12/2023 23:30

I spend most holidays on my own, some years, like this here, it has actually been very enjoyable and very easy. Other years, it hasn’t been so easy, but I did find a group Christmas event a few years ago for people who were on their own, so I went to that and that was great. Christmas can be a tough one for some of us, yes, and you just have to do the best you can.

personally, when I’m in the UK, I don’t always find it easy when people ask me if I’ve done my Christmas shopping, or I’m already for Christmas yet, etc. I live in Greece, and people will say happy Christmas, but apart from that they don’t really ask you much else.

GrandParade · 25/12/2023 23:38

I can’t comment on what she’s saying because I only got through the first twenty seconds, but the performance of ‘Ah girleens, we’re all in it together’ cutesy relatability stuff is excruciating. It’s not her, either. She’s clever, and assuming this down-home folksiness for some reason.

Plazzy · 25/12/2023 23:39

I think it's a very sane and necessary message that Marian Keyes is giving, thanks for sharing it, OP. Of course Christmas isn't torture for everyone, she doesn't say that. But she recognises it can be bloody awful for many of us, so she's saying, for the sake of your mental health, do what you have to do to get through it, or avoid it. Here's a bit for those who can't easily watch it:

'Being back as an adult amongst your siblings and your parents has a very weird effect on us because, when we're adults, we are far more powerful than we were as children. We're not powerless in the way that we were when we were a child.

'But I found, when I lived in London and I used to come home I used to slot right back into the person I used to be when I was a teenager and in my early 20s, and I felt rage, and resentment, and I fought with my siblings. There's something about being back in the family home that makes me revert to a younger self, and if that happens to you, and if you find it really painful, limit your exposure to them. A lot of people do that, there's nothing weird or shameful about doing that.

'Lie, if you can't be honest, you know? If you don't have the courage – and I understand this – to say, “I can't be with you because you terrify me and you make me feel insane and really depressed for weeks afterwards,” if you can't say that. And that's fine. Pretend you're sick. Get a second period that month or, you know, suddenly develop a blinding headache. It's something that makes you escape, if you're in, if you're staying in the house, escape to your bedroom. Or, if you're visiting just for the day, to just leave – or to not go at all. You're allowed.'

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