Anyone else not use their ‘nice’ stuff?

[Fairylightstwinkle]

I have things that are nice but I never use. For example, I have some pretty cleaning cloths and sponges, nice shower gel etc.

Always feels like they’re too good to use, which is so silly.

Is anyone else like this? I want to start using my nice stuff! How do you get over it and use your nice things?

I use my good stuff ver regularly - this Christmas it'll be my late parents crystal and linen tablecloths, grandmother's best dinner service and my great grandma's china soup and vegetable tureens. I also will wear my mum's favourite sparkly tunic and chanel no 5 ( she was very stylish). I dreamt about her last night - she had been attacked and was very vulnerable in the dream but too shocked to say what had happened to her. So relieved to waken to it just being a dream. RIP to all those who have lost family - it's poignant at Christmas 🌲

'We are worth it and always have been'

• made me want to cry!

I have put on jewellery and perfume and my nice silk shirt for a trip to supermarket and b&m! Yay!

Ooh I simply tell myself that I'm special and every day is special and therefore I deserve nice things every day!! I think the same applies to you!

There are lots of famous designers and brands that believe in this philosophy too. For example, the idea that the things that you use most often should be the nicest, not the things you use the least. One interior designer I remember said this meant she paid lots of attention to often-overlooked things like door handles, because the things you touch regularly should be the biggest possible source of pleasure, to bring as much pleasure as possible into your life. It's a mindset shift but I think it's such a joyful one!

Yes, if you bag up all of your Mum's clothes to go to charity, as most people do, drive it 30 miles away to donate. If you donate it to your local charity shops you will see people walking around wearing your Mum's clothes and it will be really hard. I wanted it to be used by someone but I didn't want to see them walking around in it.

My sister's and I sorted out things like sheets, duvet covers, pillowcases, table clothes, tea towels, and asked if any of her dgc would like any. We let them pick first then all the rest into black sacks to charity shops.

It's so hard and you'll have to make difficult choices. My Mum had her satin wedding dress wrapped in blue tissue paper. It had obviously meant a lot to Mum but it didn't have meaning for my sister's or I sonit had to go. You can't keep everything.

I actually kept very little. A few practical things like a small saucepan, 2 pottery plant holders I had given her because I have 1 the same at home already and I knew I'd use them, I dug up a lot of tulip bulbs from her garden and planted them in my garden so I see them each year when they come up. My sister took a rose bush. We both took cuttings from an outdoor fuchsia which we now have in our gardens flowering all through the summer. I think plants are lovely to take if you have a garden to plant them in. I took a silver tea set my parents were given for their 25th anniversary partly because I can remember my Dad polishing it every Sunday morning. I kept 1 pair of curtains for a bedroom I liked. We kept ornaments for Xmas tree and I kept Mums breadboard for sentimental reasons. I can vividly remember my Mum spreading bread and butter and making sandwiches at tea time. My sister kept her cake storage tin. It was the same one she had when we were children. The dgc each chose one sentimental thing. One of my DS chose her cookie tin, my DD picked a cut glass vase and my younger DS a china dog with a glued back on ear because he remembers breaking it as a child and his Nanny saying neve mind Grandad can glue it's ear back on. We asked her friends if they'd like a piece of china and most did take a china animal. My nephew was buying his house at the time and my sister took the washing machine and fridge freezer to store for him. Large furniture like table and chairs, 3 piece suite, large G Plan units are hardest to get charity shops to take because teak furniture is not fashionable but we did find takers in the end.

I'm so sorry your Mum died. It's the worst job and expect to find things that will make you cry.

I try to keep in mind it’s a waste of good money twice over, if you keep things for best and also have an everyday item for the same purpose. You’ve bought two items to do one job, when you could have had two nice items for two different jobs iyswim.

It's how hoarding starts.

'Oh, they're too nice for...' and you buy something else, which in turn becomes too nice to use. Add a few years and there's stuff hidden away that you know you have somewhere, but it's too good to use. Another few and there's stuff out to look at, another few and somebody needs to order five nine yard skips just to get to the back door.

The reverse is where you want to buy and use something nice but you know deep down that it'll get trashed quickly. Like any nice glasses will be dropped or put carelessly in the dishwasher next to a do not put in the dishwasher pan with a heavy handle, those cashmere socks will be put into the tumbledryer, that silk shirt will have tomato sauce or a cat leap onto it with her claws out within ten minutes. Or those relatively expensive knives with the wooden handles will be dishwashed.

I'm trying to resist the latter out of fear of the former.

A suggestion for if you know you have 'nice' stuff and would like to start using it, but don't know how. Go through it and label it for certain situations: a jug for freshly squeezed orange juice/bubble bath for when you've had a hard day/perfume for when you go to pick the kids up/tablecloth for every time you have a friend round for coffee and a chat/beautiful mug or cup and saucer for your breakfast cuppa every morning. Using things will make you feel more 'worth it', otherwise you're valuing the things higher than yourself and other people.

Opening this in the spirit of the thread. You can't get it in the U.K. so I've been saving it

@christmaspawpaws
Enjoy. It looks beautiful.

I must admit to having a lot of hoarded China but some of it was cast offs from relatives etc

I do use it at Christmas and some of it is hand washed only

Tureens are good

Have beautiful cups but prefer mugs of tea as more tea in them but may use them

I had to clear out my mums house when she became frail and had to move into sheltered accommodation. She had cupboards stuffed with things. Most of it was tat but there were some beautiful things she had been given over the years - silk scarves, cashmere jumpers, Chanel perfume etc. All unused , still with labels and hygiene seals intact. A lot of them were too moth eaten to be donated so were disposed of.

it made me sad that she has lived her life scrimping and saving and dressing in bobbly old cardies and hoodies from Primark and charity shops while the lovely presents went to waste. It has changed my own approach to lovely things. I use them as much as I can. I no longer save things for best. Something might get broken or torn or worn out but at least I will have experienced the joy of wearing and using it.

It was lovely! My skin feels really soft
Tomorrow I might burn a new candle

Literally every type of household item you can think of... bedding, towels, cushion covers, crockery, cutlery, place mats etc etc my mum has at least 2 sets of, often a lot more than 2 sets, which she saves for "best" which in reality means they NEVER get used.

She often even replaces her unused "for best" stuff with new "for best" stuff that continues to never be used.

We bought DFIL some nice Whiskey after he said he likes single malt. He barely drinks it though and is "saving it for best". It's only when I pointed out that if he did drink it he could have done more and if he doesn't drink it, we'll be drinking it as his wake so he might as well enjoy it that he's realised now is the time to have the nice things.

What events justify "best"? Another realisation to have is asking yourself why do those people deserve your nice things and you don't?

I don't like clutter / hoarding stuff, so just use things I have and replace as required.

The idea of having ie normal wine glasses and special ones would annoy me, even in simplistic terms of storage etc.

Just having fewer, nicer things and using them daily is better imo than using worse stuff whilst the good stuff lives as a duplicate item rent free in a cupboard somewhere. Just seems bonkers to me.

That's so lovely. Celebrating your Mum being eternally fabulous. This has inspired me to wear a beaded and embroidered coat that I have never worn to my daughter's on Christmas Day. Thank you.

I am getting the good Christmas table cloth out today too!!

I remember an episode of antiques road show. An old chap has brought a toy car in absolute pristine condition. Box never opened. He'd been given it at Christmas as a small boy and then never forbidden to play with it by his father.
He gingerly handed it over to the valuer and watch carefully as it was examined.
It was worth £50 absolutely maximum.
He said he always remembered how happy he was with the car, until his dad came and put it away. For best

I used to be like that.
Then I had cancer. There's nothing like staring death in the face to make you realise that life is not a rehearsal; so use the stuff, spend the money, go on the trip, eat the food, etc

I tend towards this too - especially with handbags and clothes. However for those that have found troves of carefully kept things, it could be that the grannies and mums actually did have pleasure from knowing they had their little trove of 'best things', enjoying knowing they possessed them without having to actually use them. Also valid? However the doll story is really heartbreaking...

The reality is that most of these ‘best things’ will not be of value to other people. Fashion changes. In 20 years will young people buying their own home really want to be cluttered up with bone China tea sets, crystal wine glasses and chintz bedding?
Will they relish wearing perfume their grandad and grandma wore? Will it be worth wearing?
Tomorrow I shall be wearing a best dress, perfume and posh jewellery.
I’ve already started using all my toiletries rather that save them.

Definitely! Cheers!!

I used to be like this. Saving stuff for "best". Then I got cancer and while I recovered and I'm well, it just gave me a different perspective so now I just use everything 🤷🏻‍♀️. It's daft to save things, enjoy them!

On the back of this thread I have been through a cupboard and found: a gift set, a scented candle, a reed diffuser. I have opened the diffuser and am using it, the candle will be lit today and the gift set will be giving to a relative to use.