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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH dirties after I hoover and expects me to clean up

51 replies

SlightlyOCDMum · 21/12/2023 10:14

Today I am hosting a playdate a home, I have tidied up the flat and hoovered so everything is nice and ready. This is when DH decided to fix his bike and creates a big mess in the bathroom, kitchen and living room. I politely ask him to clean up before leaving for work. He does clean begrudgingly (except the bathroom he tells me he doesn't have time) but before leaving he tells me that I should have cleaned up myself and I am not a caring person and I should have offered to clean. AIBU?

OP posts:
Allofaflutter · 21/12/2023 17:17

Tell him what he wants is his mummy, not a wife.

BruceAndNosh · 21/12/2023 17:21

SlightlyOCDMum · 21/12/2023 16:59

He said that he wants a wife who does things for him and is caring and that I am not caring at all

You want a husband that doesn't make unnecessary mess, expect you to clean up after him, and he is not caring at all

JustAGirlScotland · 21/12/2023 17:25

SlightlyOCDMum · 21/12/2023 16:59

He said that he wants a wife who does things for him and is caring and that I am not caring at all

In that case, next time he’s got the tools out fixing his bike tell him to whip up a time machine to go in time to when women were slaves to their husbands. Warn him though that it will result in less household income!

Twat. Push him and his bike into a deep ditch!

zeibesaffron · 21/12/2023 17:44

Tell him to fuck off!

Crikeyisthatthetime · 21/12/2023 17:48

Send this one back. It's defective.

IncompleteSenten · 21/12/2023 17:52

He knew you were having someone round and he chose to mess up the flat and you're not caring?

How about he be caring and not create mess because he knows you've got guests coming?

WowOK · 21/12/2023 17:54

Tell him to fuck off. You are not his maid. He's a grown man and can clean up after himself. If he hasn't got time to Tudy up them he hasn't got time to do the job.

Gnomegnomegnome · 21/12/2023 18:07

SlightlyOCDMum · 21/12/2023 16:59

He said that he wants a wife who does things for him and is caring and that I am not caring at all

He wants a mother then?

Nothing is more unattractive than a man with the mind of a child.

BrutusMcDogface · 21/12/2023 18:12

Are you serious, op? Why on earth would you think it’s your job to clean up after him? He’s not a toddler. He’s a rude little twat.

easylikeasundaymorn · 21/12/2023 18:15

SlightlyOCDMum · 21/12/2023 16:59

He said that he wants a wife who does things for him and is caring and that I am not caring at all

response: Yes, I want a husband who isn't a cunt, but you are not uncunty at all....

TomatoSandwiches · 21/12/2023 18:15

Tell him he wants a mummy not a wife and you want a husband not another child to tidy up after.

Fucking twat.

WeeOrcadian · 21/12/2023 18:16

SlightlyOCDMum · 21/12/2023 16:59

He said that he wants a wife who does things for him and is caring and that I am not caring at all

The 50s called, they want their dickhead back

He's taking the piss and he's more work than a child

FoxClocks · 25/12/2023 09:28

Even in the 1950s men fixed their bikes outside, not in the living room! I remember my uncle having a tin of swarfega in a sort of outhouse with a tap and basin of water to clean up so he wouldn't dirty the bathroom sink.

Bonbon249 · 25/12/2023 09:29

Oh Wow! He wants a 'caring' wife? I'm pretty sure he would get one if he was a considerate husband! Otherwise, he's a lazy CF looking for a skivvy!

Northernladdette · 25/12/2023 10:56

I’d happily do it if he was relying on his fixed bike as transport to get him to work and earn a wage to bring into the home 🤔

Heatherjayne1972 · 25/12/2023 11:02

You’re not his mother nor are you his housekeeper
he is (presumably) a fully functioning adult person who is capeable of tidying up his own mess

he who makes the mess cleans the mess

EvilLynz26 · 25/12/2023 11:07
Throw Away Dirty Work GIF by MOODMAN

You need to do this with your man-child

ConnieCroydon · 25/12/2023 11:11

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Phoenixfire1988 · 25/12/2023 19:57

He doesn't want a wife he wants a mother and a maid I'd tell him to fuck all the way off the lazy condescending twat

TeaGinandFags · 26/12/2023 08:19

Use his own words against him.

He's made it clear that you're not what he wants. Agree with him.

Make it equally clear where the door is and change the locks. This is not behaviour you'd accept from your kids so why on earth would you accept it from him?

Youcantoucan1 · 26/12/2023 10:38

He wants a mommy to do everything for him, not a partner.
Throw away the whole man!

WhenIsSpringg · 26/12/2023 10:46

Tell him you want a husband who respects you.

Do not be a doormat anymore. He will treat you how you allow, stop allowing it.

So, according to him women clean? And are men respectful or is that another description that is only for women.

AgentJohnson · 26/12/2023 10:48

You are with this idiot because……. He is not a child and you aren’t his skivvy.

usernamecopied · 26/12/2023 10:52

This doesn’t make you not caring OP, it makes him not caring. Some massive red flags right there, he knows he was in the wrong and was trying to deflect it on to you. Sorry to use the term but sounds like gaslighting to me. Don’t let him do that to you OP

Redkite11 · 26/12/2023 10:54

I am astonished at his behaviour. Even if you were a SAHM this would be unacceptable. You work full time!! He sounds like a bad egg.

Did he clean up for your play date? Does he do anything for you?

in this situation, I don’t think you’re being uncaring. He sounds awful. I can see many posts seeing that he wants a mother. However, I would never have spoken to my mother like that and it would not be tolerated by her either. He wants a slave.