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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher gift collection

163 replies

Purpleturtle45 · 21/12/2023 06:36

Every year I organise a collection at Christmas and Summer for my kids teachers and usually buy vouchers for somewhere nice. I always make it very clear that any amount is welcome and of course only donate if you want to. Some parents might want to do their own thing, or nothing which is their decision.

Most parents are very grateful for this as it gives them one less thing to do and they probably get away with donating less for a joint present than they would trying buy something themselves for £5-£10.

It has come to my attention though that some local authorities are banning this due to cost of living and parents potentially feeling under pressure do donate. Wondering people's thoughts on this? I think people should be allowed to make their own choices on this and think a ban would be very unreasonable.

YANBU- Collections are fine as long as there is no pressure/set amount

YABU- Collections should be banned

OP posts:
Fullofpudding · 21/12/2023 07:57

It's not banned in my school but I have to declare it on a register they keep.

Fullofpudding · 21/12/2023 07:58

@ReindeerHoptimist yes a LA school.

Partypop · 21/12/2023 07:58

That sounds bloody ridiculous to me, teachers work so hard all year and then the council ban them from accepting a present! I’d be pissed off of I was a teacher - that can’t be true!

Mairzydotes · 21/12/2023 08:00

It's more to show off to the other parents. They'll put a tenner for an Xmas and an end of year present but what donate the same amount for school equipment ( like playground equipment) because they think it's not their responsibility to pay for things like that.

Milknosugarta · 21/12/2023 08:01

There will be something in their contract of employment that they have to declare gifts worth over £X, it is standard.

AnnieKayTee · 21/12/2023 08:06

We have class collections in our school. My sons class always puts names on the card which I find pretty embarrassing tbh as I cannot afford to donate the 10quid at Christmas time. I find it quite petty aswel tbh, leaving maybe 3 or 4 kids off the Christmas card because their parents haven't been able to donate.
The other classes my children are in, the gifts are just given from the whole class and I'm so grateful to those parents that have done it that way.

ilovesooty · 21/12/2023 08:08

Purpleturtle45 · 21/12/2023 06:42

Local authority/school policy can ban teachers from accepting gifts over a certain value.

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I agree with them.

ReindeerHoptimist · 21/12/2023 08:11

Fullofpudding · 21/12/2023 07:58

@ReindeerHoptimist yes a LA school.

Blanket ban by the LA though or a Heateacher/Governors stating their own views?

ReindeerHoptimist · 21/12/2023 08:12

Milknosugarta · 21/12/2023 08:01

There will be something in their contract of employment that they have to declare gifts worth over £X, it is standard.

It isnt
Teachers pay and conditions apply in maintained LA schools. No mention of gifts in that

WashItTomorrow · 21/12/2023 08:13

I think it should be banned, to be honest.

ilovesooty · 21/12/2023 08:14

ReindeerHoptimist · 21/12/2023 08:11

Blanket ban by the LA though or a Heateacher/Governors stating their own views?

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Regardless of who might ban it, I don't think teachers should be receiving more than token gifts and they should have to declare them.

morechocolateneededtoday · 21/12/2023 08:17

In the private sector, most schools have a cap on the value of a gift that can be given to a teacher - £100 in our case. I fully support this because there are far too many parents who would try buy their children’s grades and references given then opportunity.

I would be gutted to see all gifts abolished as proposed - giving £5/10 to a general collection is my ideal as the teacher can get something they want with vouchers but I do strongly agree there should be absolutely no pressure to contribute

43ontherocksporfavor · 21/12/2023 08:20

It’s mainly boxes of maltesers or candles at my school which I would rather people spent on their families but it’s a nice thought.

Wouldyouguess · 21/12/2023 08:21

43ontherocksporfavor · 21/12/2023 08:20

It’s mainly boxes of maltesers or candles at my school which I would rather people spent on their families but it’s a nice thought.

What is it to you how people spend their own money?

Wouldyouguess · 21/12/2023 08:23

I think this should go further- no gifts for anyone, a blanket national ban on gifts for any profession, why single out one profession, let's be Scrooges all the way.

I love how people's hatred of teachers come through in threads like this, or maybe your own disappointment in life ("I am not getting gifts, so why should anyone else do?").

RandomButtons · 21/12/2023 08:27

flowerchild2000 · 21/12/2023 06:46

😱 That's a disgusting abuse of power. Like teachers are at risk of making too much money or likely to accept bribes 🙄

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It’s not an abuse of power, rules on gifts have been in place in the corporate world for at least the last 20 years. in my previous job we had to declare anything worth more than £10.

RandomButtons · 21/12/2023 08:32

Wouldyouguess · 21/12/2023 08:23

I think this should go further- no gifts for anyone, a blanket national ban on gifts for any profession, why single out one profession, let's be Scrooges all the way.

I love how people's hatred of teachers come through in threads like this, or maybe your own disappointment in life ("I am not getting gifts, so why should anyone else do?").

How is it teacher hate to limit gifts during a cost of living crisis? For some people spending £6 on teacher gifts means they have to miss out on food.

It’s incredibly embarrassing when you’re the parent walking in with boxes of malteasers and the person in front of you has a massive bunch of flowers for each of the 6 teachers, bottles of gin, and some large wrapped up packages.

Likewise the class collections where there’s pressure to give. Some people are rich, some people are utterly skint.

DidIMakeaMistake · 21/12/2023 08:37

I organised once, never again. What a load of stress.

Wouldyouguess · 21/12/2023 08:41

RandomButtons · 21/12/2023 08:32

How is it teacher hate to limit gifts during a cost of living crisis? For some people spending £6 on teacher gifts means they have to miss out on food.

It’s incredibly embarrassing when you’re the parent walking in with boxes of malteasers and the person in front of you has a massive bunch of flowers for each of the 6 teachers, bottles of gin, and some large wrapped up packages.

Likewise the class collections where there’s pressure to give. Some people are rich, some people are utterly skint.

Show quote history

But it's not an obligation, I agree no one should feel the need to buy anything but neither should people be banned to buy a card and chocolates or whatever if they wish to.

I feel there is a veil of jealousy from people who usually don't get gifts and are therefore pissed off because someone else might.

But also maybe I used to teach secondary and we don't get gifts 😂I would however dislike if my kid's school told us we were not allowed to send/give anything. I also dont give a f* if I rock up with Maltesers and someone else behind me comes in with a Mercedes. And I am that skint parent :)

Tinkerbyebye · 21/12/2023 08:43

When I was at school this was not a thing. And I dint think it should be now. Cards only ok

Workworkandmoreworknow · 21/12/2023 08:46

Teachers have always had to declare gifts over a certain amount? At least as long as I’ve been in a classroom (last 12 years).:

everyredsock · 21/12/2023 08:47

Let's ban Christmas while we're at it. Those kids don't deserve presents and it makes me feel like a bad parent if I get my kids a present for x amount but their friend has a more expensive gift.
For the same reason, all birthdays should be banned. So should birthday parties. It's just people showing off isn't it?
Let's just ban all things that are nice so no one ever feels bad.

OneCup · 21/12/2023 09:05

While I'm sure you don't mean to put pressure, I can imagine some parents feel pressured into giving money when other parents do.
I was raised abroad where there is no culture of giving gift as a class although you could always give a small gift/write a card as an individual. I'd say this was very rare though.
I don't mind per se the occasional gift giving but ours is every term, which feels over the top. I noticed as well that parents give regardless of whether they think the teacher did a good job at all, which I was a little surprised about.

ilovesooty · 21/12/2023 09:15

Wouldyouguess · 21/12/2023 08:23

I think this should go further- no gifts for anyone, a blanket national ban on gifts for any profession, why single out one profession, let's be Scrooges all the way.

I love how people's hatred of teachers come through in threads like this, or maybe your own disappointment in life ("I am not getting gifts, so why should anyone else do?").

I don't hate teachers. I used to be one. I worked in criminal justice after teaching and in drug services and in another career now. In none of them were the acceptance of individual gifts permitted which is as it should be in my opinion.

Hearmenow23 · 21/12/2023 09:22

I don't like parents who do this. It's really bossy and unnecessary- just leave us alone! I know you don't have to give, but you kind of do! Obviously as the organiser you know which parents havent given, depending on who you are this could lead to judgment and nasty tittle tattle. Back off!!! It smacks of trying to endear yourself to the teacher.