To think the people have a romanticised view of the last few generations?

[safari111]

Whenever I bring up my mental health with my dad or husband, especially since having kids, instead of support or understanding I receive a speech on how my grandma or my husband's grandma "coped with so much, had so little, and were SO HAPPY. Everyone was happy, blah blah blah" that's all I get. That no one had the mental health issues and neurological problems that people have today and all of that. It enrages me that 1. My mental health is invalidated. 2. Everyone else's mental health problems are invalidated and 3. Everyone romanticises the fact that people were absolutely happier a generation or 2 ago, despite poverty, war, poor health etc.

What are your thoughts on this? Have you experienced similar?

Men could legally rape their wives until 1991. And it was the House of Lords that made it illegal, it wasn’t outlawed by statute.

Very true

Or that terrible avacado green!!!

@KylieJennersMakeUpSponge I think it depends on what is best for people. I think too much introspection can be harmful and sometimes just getting on with it is best for the individual.

I think a lot of people coped by just not talking about it. Same with losing babies in infancy as happened more then. If it happened then yes they were terribly upset, but generally they had to get on with life so just buried it at the back of their minds.

But that doesn't mean they were actually coping.

For example, my grandfather on my dad's side was terribly violent and terrorised his family but his mental health was "fine". My aunt however struggled awfully with her mental health as a result of her childhood and probably if she was born a generation earlier would have been committed somewhere. My dad has a fractured relationship with his whole family and although he was not violent to us as children he struggled to relate to us and I have a bit of a weird relationship with him.

My grandparents on my mum's side lost a baby in infancy and my grandad on that side as a result cannot cope with seeing any people with disabilities, if they come on TV he turns it off. When he heard DS2 was being referred for speech therapy he was extremely distressed and urged us not to as "it will ruin his life". He can also be very bullying and demanding (less so now as he is physically frail.)

People were scared to let the feelings out because they thought that was what made you mad and would get you put away, that doesn't mean that it didn't affect them. Probably yes some modern manifestations of wallowing vs getting on with it are unhelpful but if I had to pick one then it would be the modern world. I don't think swallowing down feelings is healthy, I think they will come out in some way or another.

Another thing I think that people get wrong about the past is they have this idea that in the past if you behaved in the right way and did the right things then you would have a comfortable, happy, reasonable life but I think in reality, suffering and inequality and poor mental health etc was just less visible. Most people didn't see it so they assumed that it didn't happen and therefore the world is worse today, but I think those things were always there but people affected by issues like that were much more shunned and kept like a dirty secret from "polite society".

@BertieBotts good point, it being more hidden and therefore not noticed as much. You made me remember that sometimes people associate suffering with faith, that they will be rewarded in Heaven (or something along those lines...) for all their suffering on Earth, so perhaps in times where more people were religious their goal to someday be in Heaven helped them to keep going and stay positive? Does that make sense ? I'm not a religious person but I think I've come across this way of thinking before

@BertieBotts what sad circumstances (sorry just realized both comments were from you). I can totally see why people would hold things in but absolutely agree that sooner or later it all comes out. That's the sort of breaking point I'm at, and it's manifested into anger and irritability. Fortunately I've sought help, so I hope I can nip it in the bud.

I imagine having strong faith that when you die you’ll go to forever happy land and all your dead friends and relatives will meet you there must be pretty comforting. I certainly have a friend who went through the birth of a baby that only survived an hour or two and she and her very religious family were obviously sad but for that sort of event they were nearly sanguine.

@mantyzer I think I agree with you here. My mum used to say "have your cry and get over it" and I think it makes a good point to deal with the feelings you have towards a situation there and then so that you can move forward from it. Bad things will always happen, but so can good things if you let them

@CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau that's so sad, I don't think I could accept something like that happening to me so "easily" (not the right word but hopefully you get what I mean) but I think whatever brings someone comfort and doesn't cause any harm to anyone else can be a positive thing to get you through life

I think happiness was never the main objective. Survival and security would have had much bigger importance.

i read all the time how people ‘deserve to be happy” why? Why is happiness such a nirvana? Why can’t people just feel ok?

having said that, in a world where mental health issues are well known, your feelings should be acknowledged and you should receive some support.

@safari111 that’s interesting about faith…I alluded to it in my post, that in modern times there is the narrative that we are all ‘enlightened’ and the world is a better place with the decline of religion (in the west anyway), but I don’t think that’s true. I’m Christian and most don’t believe that we will get ‘rewarded’ for suffering, as it’s random…but I think faith must have helped in the past (and still helps me now) as you are aware that life on earth is only fleeting and there is better to come. Also suffering gives you the opportunity to help others, also God suffered on tje cross, so to some suffering somehow makes us feel closer to Him. So I think in the past, more people of genuine faith probably did equal a generally happier society…

I agree.
Also, I think a lot of it is the start point.
If you consider at the start that life is hard and will be tough, you'll cherish and appreciate the small wins and progress you make.

If you start from a vision of perfection / entitlement, then most days won't live up to your expectations and people then get negative and disappointed over time. Which I think is the era we're living in now.

Well, I commuted to school in the 1960s by train - won a scholarship through 11+. But loads of people went to their local Secondary Modern School, having failed to make the 11+ grade for a local Grammar. I can imagine many of them being less than keen on school, and bunking off, but perhaps I am wrong?

@alwaysmovingforwards I think this is an interesting point. You also sometimes hear of people who come from privileged backgrounds feel almost resentful to have life handed to them on a silver platter. You can lose touch with reality when you can't understand the true value of things. I think that sometimes a bit of suffering and hard work makes you feel greater satisfaction in what you achieve and the relationships that you have.

@Partypop I see.. so perhaps not the idea of suffering itself, but the faith that there is something bigger and better waiting ?
I think religion can have a big part in being part of a community - which I think is important to survive and thrive. Nowadays, as many have mentioned, we live lives which are a lot more scattered, isolated or online.

I'm not sure what your point is? I don't see why private or public schooling makes people more or less likely to like school or bunk off? Bunking off was uncommon and you'd probably get caught from what I know. You're either inclined to do it or not.

I think hard work results in satisfaction (as long as people are paid correctly) but suffering never leads to satisfaction in my opinion. At best it can lead to relief once suffering has past.

Too much suffering and too much hard work people, not makes people.

@endlessdarkness
Because of the system of state schools that segregated state pupils by "intelligence" i.e. how they did in the 11+ , and taught them according to how they were expected to fit in in the future. Once in a Secondary Modern you had little chance to shine academically. The girls did typing as one of their courses - fair enough, but I can imagine many pupils were disenchanted with their lot. But it's mainly speculation, I admit.

Then the comprehensive model came in, and various schools were amalgamated, often operating on more than one site, unsurprisingly. But by then I was in Higher Education.

My point was not about public schools vs state schools, but about Grammar schools vs Secondary Mods. I spoke about myself to indicate that I was selected out of the state system, at the expense of the Local Authority, and therefore had no direct experience of being in state school at secondary level.

Its interesting that everyone talks about the past as pushing down feelings. But I think in the modern world the acceptable range of behaviour is now much narrower than in the past. There used to be more freedom to be a bit odd.

Its also interesting people talking about community in the past as a support. This could be true. But there was also a lot of gossip and judgement. So you might have neighbours willing to babysit for free, but they would also judge your mothering and tell you if they thought you were doing something wrong.

I haven't come across the idea that everyone was happier, no. That life was tough and they got little help but what they could give each other, yes.

But if we're talking war, grinding poverty etc. then that's not the generation above mine, that's my grandparents (sealed below decks on the Arctic convoys) or, to a greater extent, my great grandparents (one with health never right after the 'Spanish' flu but with no NHS and no money for doctors; one taking his own life ten years after returning from the trenches, unable to cope with the memories of what he'd seen).

YANBU. There is so much generational trauma, grief and sadness from wars, poverty, lack of/missed opportunity, issues created by socisl conservatism, sexism, homophobia etc in the 20th century and people not dealing with things at the time. There were so many secrets, lies, and things brushed under the carpet in the past. Lots of writers have made their careers writing novels about it! I think my generation (X) used/s drink, drugs, smoking, and comfort eating to get over a lot of things rather than confront their feelings. I hope younger generations can be more emotionally aware and in tune with their minds and bodies and that society continues to be more open minded and tolerant.

I agree with this.

I don't think that young people ‘lack resilience’ as such, I believe that they’re actually mega-overwhelmed and it’s easy to see why.

Back in the day, people had no choices. They’d leave school and boys would follow their Dads down the pit, into the shipyard or whatever. Girls would go into service until they became housewives. Everyone knew their role from day dot, and there was no pressure to achieve any more than that. There was an acceptance that that was your ‘station’ in life.

Now we have far more choices on every front, and although having choices and agency is a good thing, there is a price to be paid for it. Even something as simple as shopping can be overwhelming. In the old days if you needed to buy something, there was only one type of it in the shop. Now we’re there for ages comparing price per 100g/salt content/expiry dates etc. The choice is overwhelming at times and it can be really stressful.

There was no pressure to look like a supermodel. You weren’t expected to be a ‘better’ version of yourself like young girls are now. You accepted yourself and your flaws. You weren’t expected to have a bigger house or car or holidays. Now there’s so much pressure to achieve more.

Young people are constantly stimulated and self-medicate with dopamine hits from constant scrolling,watching videos, posting on SM, checking messages, rolling news… I suspect most of them don’t know how to just “be”, which is utterly detrimental to MH.

I’ve waffled a bit but my point is that having choices can come at a massive price and I’m very grateful that I grew up before the internet existed.