To think the people have a romanticised view of the last few generations?

[safari111]

Whenever I bring up my mental health with my dad or husband, especially since having kids, instead of support or understanding I receive a speech on how my grandma or my husband's grandma "coped with so much, had so little, and were SO HAPPY. Everyone was happy, blah blah blah" that's all I get. That no one had the mental health issues and neurological problems that people have today and all of that. It enrages me that 1. My mental health is invalidated. 2. Everyone else's mental health problems are invalidated and 3. Everyone romanticises the fact that people were absolutely happier a generation or 2 ago, despite poverty, war, poor health etc.

What are your thoughts on this? Have you experienced similar?

Two conflicting things are possible.

One: people with significant mental health problems were not supported and helped in the past. This made their lives considerably worse

Two: lack of resilience due to over protection is leading to more people struggling to cope and having more minor issues. The current trend for validation rather than resilience building might be adding to the problem by encouraging avoidant type behaviour rather than coping strategies which in the long term makes the issue worse.

I don't think it is an either or thing.

Point 3: Communities. People were generally in communities in a way we don't see in the same way. Everyone knew everyone else. Thus social isolation was different. People didn't lock themselves away from the world because that was harder to do. They had to mix and get out of an echo chamber just repeating negative affirmations. Online communities are self selecting and narrow in focus. And if someone doesn't turn up as expected on a given day, they are less likely to be missed.

Wow, I'm amazed at how many replies I've woken up to..I'll read these throughout the day and try to reply to some! Really interesting to see the perspective from different age groups. Thanks everyone for the replies so far!

I'm 39 and I definitely don't think people were happier in previous generations. A lot of my older relatives had very bad mental health problems in the 50s. Most of them turned to alcohol.

There was also a lot of severe poverty, child abuse was rife. It might have been a happy time if you were reasonably well off or from a loving family but for those that weren't it was a horrendous time.

Of course things aren't perfect now either but there are a lot of improvements to living conditions, the way the vulnerable are treated.

People will always have rose tinted specs because that's nostalgia. I grew up in the 80s and 90s and remember how lovely everything was but I don't think it's all reality I think I was just young .

I livedin the countryside and not many people had cars. So had someone stolen something where would they go, how would they hide. Few Cars meant they would have stood out like a sore thumb even if they had one - people knew the people in their vicinity. And cars went at lower speeds. The police could phone ahead to watch out for them. Now people can walk out of supermarkets with stuff in a balaclava.

Here is another one for the rose tinted amongst us. I was at an exhibition last week from the late 1800s/early 1900s where they had photographs of children, the youngest was a 4 year old girl, who were imprisoned for various crimes, hers was vagrancy, in adult prisons. I’m thinking mental health, no one gave a shit.

I'm fast approaching 70 and there's no way I'd say people were happier in any past decades I've lived in. More problems were swept under the carpet though, things weren't talked about. I lived in a small town and people knew each other (and gossiped!) about what was going on.

From what I heard from my grandmother, she did not have an easy life, in fact was abandoned by her father and ended up in a very strict convent school and was miserable! Life was not 'easy' at all. Similarly for her own mother. Different times, different challenges.

Absolutely this.
I was born just after the war - some rationing was still around and the War had had an effect on people's health, both mental and physical.
Life was much tougher than it is now - but the expectations were never that you would be pretty, or wealthy. or have a dazzling career etc.

With lower expectations our joy in life came from family, friends and community. There was no-one to feel envious of or be compared against - most of us lived the same kind of life.

I think there is a tendancy for people to look back fondly at the past, remember the good parts and forget about the bad parts. And then might often on share the good parts? My father was in the army and served in Cyprus and Kenya, and had wonderful photos, often spoke about those times, had lifelong friends he kept in touch with. He only ever spoke about the good things. It seemed like a huge adventure. The "private" stories he had in his journals was very very different. What he saw, what he had to do, what he felt, the mental and physical stress, he was seriously ill in hospital for 3 months with appendix and almost died.

My DF was also a very religious man, and that is something he never spoke to us much about either. So perhaps another factor is that some people are more inclined to share more of their private self externally?

Look after yourself OP, be your own priority.

I think there was mental health issues in previous generations, but not the recognition or the help, so it generally went unnoticed.

Agree with other posters that as a generalisation, people lived in closer proximity to their families, so day to day contact and support was on tap, without anyone actually seeing it as "support".

I think life is more complicated nowadays. Technology make things possible, doesn't necessarily make them easier or enjoyable and if you are struggling, there is more stuff nowadays to struggle with.

For example. I had a packet of royal icing sugar. I wanted to know approx how much water to add. You would have thought it would be on the box. Oh no it wasn't. I had to scan the code thing to be taken to the Silver Spoon website, and I had to scroll down to find it. FFS. If I was already feeling low about something else, this unnecessary faff to just do something simple would make me feel worse. In fact I didn't even realise I had to scan the code, I was getting all f'ing in the kitchen about not being able to find what I was looking for on the box. It was DH who sussed it out.

The "big" things like death etc., happen across the generations, but I think we have much more other stuff to deal with on a daily basis that can tip the balance.

Loath those QR codes ! We were second hand car looking the other week and they just have the codes in the car's window now to scan , not easy when the windscreen was wet and the phone didn't register it properly
I sniffed a bit of a cover up ( especially as one car was listed cheaper online too )
Sorry to derail, but they are everywhere now
I'd rather see figures on the car telling me exactly what it's selling for

@endlessdarkness , your username struck me. 😔
My mother also had a friend who suffered with her mental health, her best friend and a lovely soul. She used to have electro convulsive therapy, I truly hope they don’t do that to people anymore.
I was in no way mollycoddled by my parents and to be honest I often used their parenting style to help form my own style of parenting in so far as I made sure I was quite different. I fear that things may have swung too far in the other direction now and that we have a lot of people who lack resilience.
Merry Christmas. X

Brilliant thread.

I hear you about deliberately choosing to parent very differently. I do think it might have swung a bit far in the opposite direction now as sometimes having to handle things (when appropriate, of course) builds confidence and so resilience. But maybe this is a reaction to the tough parenting of the past and it will balance out more in future?

They do still use ECT but not as often. It does have a place but should definitely be a last resort, in my opinion.

I should probably change my username, it's not meant to be depressing. :-)

Firstly, thank you all for your responses. I'm sorry to hear of all the tragic stories that people have brought up.

From what I gather, the summary of thoughts are:

1. MH issues were not talked about/swept under the rug. Absolutely can see the truth in this as even in this day and age I find it hard to talk about. I've also seen it in my own family.
2. Community/religion played a part in keeping peoples' spirits up. And we have definitely drifted away from this nowadays.
3. People were less idle, so physical activity and being outdoors helped. The recommendation to exercise and spend time in nature for good health remains relevant.
4. Expectations were lower. I do think social media and capitalism have a role in this. How can you miss what you never had and don't know about either?

There are a lot of great points. In my personal circumstance, the 2 major life-changing events in my life were my mum suddenly dying the week I turned 18, and my first pregnancy ending in miscarriage.

I remember the night she died, my dad was in complete shock, and asked me if I was going to school the next day. Multiple times he threatened to jump off the roof. But there was no talking about our loss, good memories, or shared grief. We all isolated ourselves in our own method of grieving and somehow came out the other side.

There are many other painful things that happened in my life, but I have to say that I cracked on with things. I sat my A-levels, went to university, and achieved a lot. However, with 2 small children, a lack of sleep, a lack of support, I finally am at a point where I genuinely worry I might snap. I no longer feel like I can keep going without addressing past trauma. It feels like my body is stopping me from functioning normally. So, personally, I do feel that after 13 years I do need to talk to a GP in the hope I can reset. Lest I buy a bigger rug.....

People were just expected to put up or shut up. Those that couldn't, quickly got put into asylums or workhouses.

But there was also more of a sense of community back then. People helped each other with everyday life, more than they do now, and perhaps there was more of a sense of "we'll get through it together."

@Riversofthesea @Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter this made me laugh. Have you seen the Monty Python sketch which says something similar? It's worth a watch, in fact I think everyone on this thread should watch it 😆 I'll try to link it.

It would not be unusual for it to catch up with you later if you haven't had the chance to process it properly before. Talking to your GP and getting some counselling might be really helpful. I think having our own children can often bring these things to the fore too.

Community was a mixed thing. There were good people, bullies, toxic people, all manner of people in the community. As far as family, there was more sense of duty, people were less likely to stand up against interfering parents, going NC was less likely. These may be good or bad things, depending on your point of view. But people were less isolated. If you were home with young children probably others in your immediate area were too. Communities of mothers have become more fragmented in that way.

@endlessdarkness Definitely agree with your points, and I do think that you hit the nail on the head with things finally catching up with me. I found it very difficult to make the appointment, which I've been waiting a month for, and after a heated discussion with my husband last night* I very nearly canceled my appointment and thought I am clearly not very resilient and need to keep chugging along. But actually, no. Not this time. It's affecting my parenting now, and I need to be a stable mum to give my kids the best chance in life.

*We have since made up.

Regarding young people the world has changed so much though with the introduction of technology.
I was raised in a completely different age to how my own children are being raised, it makes a massive difference. You can't really compare as every generation faces it's own challenges, maybe if we had been brought up now our MH would be different. We are now living in such a totally unnatural and artificial way, miles away from our natural state it's no wonder our younger generation are struggling. We shouldn't be shaming them or viewing them as non resilient when effectively we have created many of the problems they face.

My sister works in a care home and talks about this sort of thing and it really winds me up

"Bill and Dorris have been together for 60 years and their such an inspiration"

No their not, Dorris came from a time where divorce was a scandal, she came from a time where she had to put up and shut up. I bet she was miserable most of the time

It's complicated really. In some ways I think society worked better when there was someone at home, more sense of community, someone to look after people who were sick or discharged from hospital, even if they were a neighbour and not family. However, that burden fell entirely on women and if that wasn't the life a woman wanted it would have been miserable and frustrating and all that was on offer. But maybe we could have that again if there were some kind of basic income so people, male or female, could stay home if they needed to.

There are benefits to the 'stiff upper lip' but also costs in the longer run.

Every era has its challenges and rewards. Life is not static - attitudes change.

I think the reason there wasn't so much school avoidance was because children were frightened of their parents. I look back, and again, my mother was at home, but there is no way I'd have been able to not go to school. She's have hit me, for a start, so it's just a very different way now.

Children also weren't forced to go to school like they are now! Compulsory school age was 16 when I was in school. In my parents day it was 14.

School was also different in my parents age. My dad went to a grammar school which was more like what school is now. My mum went to a comprehensive which basically taught the boys vocational skills for trades while the girls learned how to type and stuff like sewing etc. Children who weren't academically inclined weren't forced into sitting in maths and English classes. There is no place nowadays for children or adults who don't fall nicely into academic boxes like there was a generation or two a go. There are less well paid manual jobs for those who don't have academic qualifications.