To expect some decent behaviour from dc when I'm unwell

[imsoverytired83]

DC are 7 and 9. One of them
Came home with covid last week and now I have it. I have fever, chills, a hacking cough and fatigue.

DC9 is still covid positive and DC7 will not test properly (think waves it at her nose). My BIL has radiotherapy planned doesn't want to risk catching it so won't be coming to Xmas. They are upset about that but I have tried to explain why. Hey need to social distance from (so far negative) DH as he has atrial fibrillation. We have explained time and time again why it's important. Every time we ask them to stand back DD7 does very loud ugly crying and throws herself on the floor. No SEN and very bright for her age.

All today I have been on my knees, we've had to cancel ice skating and a hair appointment, I have been literally trying to get around the house. DC have not let up with their usual demands and actually have been ruder than usual asking for things like drinks and socks etc. crying when I served a lunch they didn't want. They've been fighting and making a mess.

Tonight I asked them to clean their teeth and got frustrated as they both couldn't be bothered. One of them just flatly refused and the other just ignored me. When I persisted the youngest one told me she hated me because I'm the worst and I never do what they wanted. I'm just ill.

Am I being unreasonable that they don't seem to understand or care? Are they too young?

They are not too young. I wouldn't get that behaviour from my 4 year old. This isn't just a covid problem, your children need teaching some manners and to respect you.

They’re excited for Christmas, stuck in the house and probably worried about both BIL and DH. You are very probably and completely understandably not handling things as well as normal and this will all be creating an emotional situation. Their behaviour is disappointing but not unexpected.

Kids react off you I find. So if you're having a hard time, feel unwell or whatever they pick up in the 'somethings up' vibes and behave worse than normal because you're not being 'normal'. I have great kids, but if I'm off my game things usually go to pot. Throw in christmas and it's a perfect storm. Don't worry OP your kids aren't monsters devoid of empathy, kids are naturally self centred!

You’re probably all unwell and not at your best. Children can express feeling ill by not behaving well. I hope you all feel better soon.

Thank you I've just been wondering what on earth I have done wrong. My mum had flu when I was their age and I remember being so concerned I did the one thing I knew I could - I washed all the flannels by hand and put them out to dry. I certainly didn't make a fuss.

I agree with this

I also remember feeling very out of sorts and that everything was All Wrong when my mum was ill when I was young.

AND it’s end of term, AND it’s just before Christmas.

Yes. I agree.

Hope you feel better soon OP. Kids are quite egotistical and might be struggling with all the change and upset. If you have it in you to empathise with them and hear and validate their disappointment, you might find they then are more able to move on and be helpful. But I think just survival is fine at the minute. Screens and nit getting hung up on normal routine is fine for a few days.

Aw. That’s very sweet. Don’t worry though. This doesn’t man your kids won’t become more empathic and helpful.

They aren't toddlers. These excuses are insane.

Tell them they need to shape up and obey, or Christmas is canceled. It's a privilege, not a right.

Tell them their behaviour isn't acceptable at the moment. Empathise - it's horrible us all being ill before Xmas isn't it. Ask- how can we all help each other get through this? Reaffirm how much you're looking forward to Xmas and feeling better for the big day.
Bet their behaviour improves.

This. I’m sorry, OP, but if there’s no SEN, I’d be appalled at them having tantrums/not doing basics.

Good advice.

So it’s the first few days of their holidays and they are forced away from their father, confined to the house and all their fun is off.

their behavior is not great but I get why they are pissed off.

Is there a specific medical reason you are still testing for covid? Because honestly theyve probably had a gutful of tests and not being able to do things when they're positive when it wound down ages ago for most kids.

The OP did say her bil is having radiotherapy and her husband has atrial fibrillation. Good reasons to try not to get Covid! It's not a bad cold for everyone and her bil might be refused treatment if he has COVID.

I agree with this.
But don't blame yourself OP. You've been delay a shot hand of cards this week. I personally would just lower your expectations and just concentrate on getting to the end of that day!

Hope you're all feeling better soon!

Yes!!

This.
I would not stand for this behaviour.

Did you see the part about serious illness in the family??

Thanks everyone.
We've tried different approaches. I've had a socially distanced chat with DH last night and the youngest (the worst behaved) kept coming down to interrupt. I've tried letting the routine go, screen time and explaining why we are doing everything and they just fight.constantly. I split them up, I can barely breathe when I do. They say they will stop when I give them a Xmas treat which they can whistle for. I've said they can have a Xmas treat when they can prove that they are kind and considerate of everyone and stop fighting. Honestly if I had have done this I would have had a hiding which I know isnt the right thing to do but I definitely behaved better.
I've had some sorry letters this morning but within 5 minutes they were fighting again.
I don't feel guilty about having covid - dc9 brought it home from school Thursday.

OP I'm sorry you're having such a rotten time.
It sounds like your kids need a total reset in what is and is not acceptable behaviour. You've allowed poor behaviour to creep in (their blackmail attempts haven't come from nowhere - but now that you are too ill to keep a lid on it, the bad behaviour has ramped up).
So that's your new year's resolution sorted!
For now, until you're feeling better and Christmas is over, just keep making it clear that they'll get nothing from blackmail, and keep pulling them up on bad behaviours.

The trouble with the shape up and obey or Christmas is cancelled you have hi follow through. If you're prepared to follow through and what all that means that's one thing. Maybe a less nuclear option to promise not threaten.

I think they are too young, they have been ill recently so are probably still suffering the effects from that and they will also be wound up with pre-christmas excitement.

I always love these comments.

What, exactly, would you do?

What the hell? "Obey"

They're at a difficult age, they have some understanding but not enough. You wouldn't get this from a 2yo becuase they don't have expectations from this time of year or of anything really.

They're poorly, it's the run up to Christmas, they're missing out on activities, they're not allowed near their dad becuase it could make him seriously ill, their mum is ill, it's the end of term, there's alot on their shoulders and we easily forget how big those worries feel ot them beucas eyou have your own and theirs seem so small from your perspective.

I think a sit down conversation with them about how THEY feel, reassure them that this will pass. Its hard, you're ill, but you're still the mum. And it's harder with the fact that DH can't just step in for you becuase of the social distancing.

Imagine your dad being in the house and you're not allowed near him becuase you could kill him, becuase that's the extent of their understanding.