To expect some decent behaviour from dc when I'm unwell

[imsoverytired83]

DC are 7 and 9. One of them
Came home with covid last week and now I have it. I have fever, chills, a hacking cough and fatigue.

DC9 is still covid positive and DC7 will not test properly (think waves it at her nose). My BIL has radiotherapy planned doesn't want to risk catching it so won't be coming to Xmas. They are upset about that but I have tried to explain why. Hey need to social distance from (so far negative) DH as he has atrial fibrillation. We have explained time and time again why it's important. Every time we ask them to stand back DD7 does very loud ugly crying and throws herself on the floor. No SEN and very bright for her age.

All today I have been on my knees, we've had to cancel ice skating and a hair appointment, I have been literally trying to get around the house. DC have not let up with their usual demands and actually have been ruder than usual asking for things like drinks and socks etc. crying when I served a lunch they didn't want. They've been fighting and making a mess.

Tonight I asked them to clean their teeth and got frustrated as they both couldn't be bothered. One of them just flatly refused and the other just ignored me. When I persisted the youngest one told me she hated me because I'm the worst and I never do what they wanted. I'm just ill.

Am I being unreasonable that they don't seem to understand or care? Are they too young?

At a Christmas-season lunch yesterday, a co-worker said that when her kids misbehave, (they are approx same age as OP's) she warns them that a present is being deducted.

They are down to about three gifts apiece now, and she WILL follow through. She means what she says.

There's a reason Santa keeps a "naughty or nice" list. Why should misbehaving kids get rewarded with a huge pile of gifts?

They sound to me like they don’t think of you as a real person, just a service that’s malfunctioned.
I don’t know what to suggest but I don’t think this attitude to a sick parent should be normal at that age. And although I’m against punishment normally, when you’re better I would be explaining to them in no uncertain terms how it felt to be you while they behaved like that, and returning some significant Christmas presents to the shop.

It sounds to me as if you are just discovering that your children aren’t very well behaved. They are obviously used to getting their own way too often. When I had a bad migraine I lay on the sofa and my DC, younger than yours, sat and watched a movie.

@Rainallnight Discipline. It's not hard.

They are not too young and you are not doing anything wrong.

children can be quite selfish and sometimes need a sharp word to realise that the world doesn’t revolve around them.

Ok, so what would that look like in the OP’s situation?

One of mine was awfully behaved when stressed eg family illness, new babies, travel etc. It felt really annoying from an adult perspective but they just didn't have the skills to manage their emotions. The siblings were not the same at all.

It's like they read this post!! Last nights riot act reading must have worked. DD9 was an angel, DD7 less so - very focused on herself and what she needs.

At 7 and 9 they can make their own sandwich for lunch. When my children were young I had a 'when everyone is sick shelf'.

I’d be very unhappy with this. My two oldest are the same ages and I was very sick for about ten days a few months ago and they kept things tidy and fed their toddler siblings basic snacks and lunches so I could die on the couch. Would have been really disappointing if they’d made things harder for me, you are definitely not BU. Children definitely can act out abnormally when they’re ill so if this is unusual I’d expect your 7yo to be coming down with it any day now.

This, absolutely

It can be an intense time of year and they’re likely upset about the health of members of their family. They’re also only 7 and 9.

There are, quite frankly, some frightening adults on this thread. I’m not sure why so many people expect better emotional regulation from small children than they themselves exhibit.

Thanks everyone. Thankfully I recovered quickly. The 9 year old is being lovely but the 7 year old is devils spawn - she needs to go back to school.

@imsoverytired83 glad you're feeling better. Maybe before she goes back to school, get started on some behaviour strategies with your DD7. She sounds hard work and her poor teacher shouldn't have to deal with a 'devil spawn' child in the classroom.

The 7yr old is probably perfectly behaved in school. Most children save their worst behaviour for when they are home in their safe space.
OP it's worth asking the teacher for her honest opinion. (When your DD can't overhear). If DD is badly behaved in school, her teacher might have some ideas for managing it.

She the model child at school! Is a first week of September baby so very grown up and 'exceeding' in all areas. They are all very impressed with her she just saves it for me.