To think we can avoid the need for full time paid childcare for a while?

[hopingforbabyy]

We’re trying at the moment but just pondering our options, as I will need to return to work after 9-12 months maternity leave and people are having to put their name on waiting lists as soon as they get a BFP around here. I have worked in nurseries before and would not want to leave a young baby there, in my personal opinion.

DM is available and willing to help us out on Mondays and Tuesdays, I am hoping I can condense 5 days into 4 and have Wednesdays off, and DH can hopefully put in a flexible working request to not be rota to work Thursday or Friday.

It would leave one day not covered. We do have other family who might be willing to help such as MIL but they haven’t explicitly offered and live a bit further away for it to be practical.

DH shifts are on a rolling pattern and I’d say he would maybe do two Fridays in any normal month anyway, one of which would be a night. If he put in flexible working request to have Thurs off then even if he was working Friday night, he’d be fine to have DC until I finished work at 4pm as his work is really close by

On the one or two times a month that it is a day shift, I could book annual leave or ask another family member. I usually work from home Fridays anyway and my job is flexible so I could just book half a day of annual leave if it needed to be

As I say, I have worked with young children - I understand they need your full undivided attention and would never give them anything less than this.

AIBU to think we could get away with not having to use nurseries or a childminder until they’re a bit older in these circumstances?

Grandparents, mum and dad aren't ad hoc people!

I’m not sure if I’ve misunderstood, but it sounds like it would be

Your mum Monday and Tuesday
You Wednesday
Your DH Thursday
Your DH most Fridays but occasionally needing to rope in another family member with you WFH.

Sounds fine to me, am I reading a different thread to everyone else?

My DD loves her childminder. She was off sick for a week and all the other toddlers were shouting her name when she came back - she looked so delighted. She's only one year old.

I think a small amount of structured childcare can be really good for kids. My DD often comes out holding hands with other one year olds - it's so sweet. And I feel like she has her own social life.

All that is to say, I'd recommend doing one or two days a week with a childminder. It'll be good for baby if you pick a nice setting, but also nice for you as you'll have a backup to extend hours for grandparents holidays etc etc

I'm always curious about people who worked in childcare who wouldn't use it. What did you do at work that would put parents off? What did you do to ensure your charges were safe and looked after across the business? It always feels a bit yeah we were crap, didn't give a shit about the kids so assume all nurseries are the same

Could you explain from your experience what’s so bad about nursery as I have anxiety around this so would be good to get an honest opinion from someone who’s worked in one. Is it as bad if they are older than say 15 months?

Grandparents, mum and dad aren't ad hoc people! I meant more on an ad hoc basis, the MIL hasn’t offered but the OP is saying she’s a possibility for one day a week. I think it sounds stressful for all involved. My next door neighbour aged 60 minds her DGS one day a week to save his parents the nursery money and she is shattered by the end of the day. She also travels a fair bit so the parents have to sort out childcare for when she is away. She was ill the other week and felt terribly letting her DC and their partner down at the last minute.

Does your DM work?

You’re best bet is going to be getting a childminder two days a week, you and your husband having a day off each and your mum doing a day. That way if your mum can’t do it one week you only have one day to cover. Also it’s not always as simple as giving a young baby to a family member and them being able to look after them - babies normally need settling/routine - not just chucked at great aunt Maureen as no one else can do it.

or left field - if you’ve worked in childcare before become a childminder yourself - no childcare needed and decent £££

@Christmassss ah, I see!

OP isn't even pregnant yet so her mum prob not given it any serious thought yet tbh.

15 free hours a week being brought in for children aged 9 months and above from September 2024 will massively help . Xxx

I would get on the list for your preferred nursery early then you can make the choice nearer the time.

Can you go part time?

I think you might be underestimating how exhausting getting broken night's, followed by a day of childcare will be - I don't know what your husband does but at the end of a day solo with child I was exhausted. For him it will be like working all day then working all night and although okay in emergency cannot be a regular plan. And may not be safe for him

Remember many babies wake regularly. You may be exhausted.

https://www.eyalliance.org.uk/free-childcare-offers-what-parents-and-carers-need-know#:~:text=from%20September%202024%2C%20all%20eligible,38%20weeks%20of%20the%20year.

Yes this is 100% what I meant! I was beginning to worry I wasn’t clear

I’ve worked in a nursery previously and I wouldn’t use one either, I didn’t do anything to put parents off, (although I was completely unqualified), all children were safe and looked after and I worked very hard to ensure this. I don’t however feel that being inside nursery walls all day is best for the child, but this is just my opinion

It depends on the nursery. I can’t speak for all.

They are not bad or unsafe. Generally, they are safe and educational.

My experiences of the ones I’ve worked across (and there are a few @SleepingStandingUp) are that they don’t always give the best meals, babies can be overlooked, some toddlers asked for mummy/daddy most of the day. Just not the most homely of places. This was common anywhere. I think it’s a good place for them 18months or 2+ in the right setting. Everyone is different though. I don’t have an issue with the idea of a childminder as I think that’s more homely x

I agree with you

If a child is literally inside nursery walls all day then that's more of a poor nursery issue than an issue with nurseries overall.

Most nurseries require children to attend a minimum of 2 days per week. Children need it to settle and become familiar with it . A week between a session would be too much.

I am qualified teacher and now work in a nursery and I absolutely howled when DS started . It is now the best thing I’ve done. I viewed 5 nurseries and the one I settled on is exceptional. We had to put his name down a year in advance and put our daughter 5 months on when she was in the womb!!

Maybe you could try and send the baby 8-5 twice a week, your mum twice a week and then you could or husband could work your week over 4 days meaning you could cover final day.
Dont send the baby to nursery on a Monday as most charge for Bank holidays and you will be off anyway .

Horses for courses but I don’t like the idea of child minder looking after my child. In a nursery there are many staff, and I feel it is much safer . Many more procedures in place to stop children being abused . plus It is much easier to make complaints! Than to one person!

I would definitely go for a childminder rather than a nursery it feels like a factory in those places. With a childminder there is only a few children and it feels more personal.

Hi! We have a very similar arrangement that works well for us. I know other posters have said grandparents have been unreliable but ours certainty haven’t been (been relying on three of them 2/3 days a week since July and they’ve only cancelled when ill.) you will know best whether yours are likely to be reliable.
its a juggle of course as things change at work so good to have some leave saved to use flexibily but I think it could work for you as it does for us.

I used family and it was fine, actually better than fine. I just had a frank conversation about them needing to book days off with me as if they were being paid. I paid expenses (and a large Christmas bonus!) as offered to pay more but was politely rejected. You can't beat the experience of not having to send your little precious baby to a random to look after. Absolutely worth any initial challenges.

My DD started nursery 1 day a week but struggled to settle even after a couple of months. Once we increased it to twice a week she was fine.

Your DH might be fine now staying up all day before his night shift but it’s different with a toddler when you can’t rest. I was in the same situation but in the end had to put DD in nursery before the first night shift as it was too much (previously just stayed up all day).

Im sure you could make it work though. How reliable is your mum? Does she still work and would she get tired after a while?

Personally I’d rather DC be in nursery and know they are in a safe setting than rely on various family members on the Friday. It’s a pain with car seat/ safe sleep etc if you’re relying on multiple people.

If it was me I’d put them in nursery twice a week and maybe have your mum help 1 day.

Op there is some excellent childcare out there

You will burn out following this plan and the taking time as holidays sounds like something you would need to check

We had a childminder from 6 months for a day or two a week she was like family..genuinely...my children were still desperate to go to her after school at 7 or 8.

She would always be cuddling them and genuinely gave them her love and care as a granny or auntie would

I think you should start looking for the sort of care you want.

That's very similar with the nursery we use. It is excellent and so popular that I had to put DS' name down when I was 12 weeks pregnant and the same again this time, though with twins so will need 1 extra space than we originally thought!