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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can’t stand my toddler touching me.

39 replies

AllThingsKids · 20/12/2023 13:11

Not really an AIBU question but assuming more traffic on here.

I have an almost two year old who can be all over you. Climbing, randomly touching you when sitting on the sofa, pushing legs into you. And I can’t bear it. It is somewhat more bearable if I’m fully clothed but if I have t-shirt or shorts/skirt and direct skin contact I really can’t stand it. Anyone else experiences the same?

OP posts:
BMW6 · 20/12/2023 13:25

Do you feel this way about just your child or anyone touching you?

Contemplates · 20/12/2023 13:26

Is this a new thing, OP?

Housenoob · 20/12/2023 13:28

No, I personally love it. Although mine doesn't really climb or push, she just loves a cuddle or randomly hugs my leg as I'm doing stuff, etc. The way I see it is they won't be like this for long so embrace it.

MinnieCauldwell · 20/12/2023 13:30

This was my mother. Used to push me away and literally kept me at arms length. Couldnt bare to touch her children, never allowed on a lap and no cuddles. Still remember it all decades later.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 20/12/2023 13:31

Is this new or have you always felt this way?

And is it just your toddler or anybody touching you without permission/warning?

MinnieTruck · 20/12/2023 13:32

Both of my toddlers are like this (I have a 1 year old and 2 year old) and I can’t stand it either.

My 1 year old is a criminal when it comes to this. He’ll stand and lean against you, climb on the sofa just to stand next to you. That means he’ll elbow your chest, press his feet into you or sit down and constantly kick you. If my 1 year old is on my bed, instead of lying down or sitting, he’ll stand up and stand on my head. Today he sat on my face which really irritated me!

My 2 year old isn’t as bad. She will constantly come up to me and cradle my face which I find nice but after the 5th go I start to feel really touched out. Sometimes she places her hand on my leg if she sits next to me. I try to embrace that though because she can’t sit longer than maybe 2/3 minutes at one time.

I think the reason why it annoys me so much is because I’m constantly getting touched. I can’t go 5 minutes without one of them on me and that bothers me. Sometimes I have to take a time out in my room just to escape it. You’re not the only one

Wannabegreenfingers · 20/12/2023 13:33

I get you. My second was always on me or near me at times I was completely touched out. It was the constant invasion of my space. It gets easier as they get older.

DuploTrain · 20/12/2023 13:33

I can’t relate exactly… but if they’re just climbing all over you with sharp elbows and knees it’s not very pleasant.

My toddler got lovely and cuddly after 2, which I really enjoy. The clambering not so much.

busymum108 · 20/12/2023 13:33

This is completely normal, when you're already overwhelmed, that physical sensation can make you snap. I love nice hugs with my LO but she is clear, no climbing on me or silliness please. If this happens, simply pick them up, move 1m away and say 'I don't like it when people climb on me/hang off me like that. Personal space please.' This doesn't make you a bad or unloving parent at all, don't let anyone make you believe it!

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 20/12/2023 13:33

I go through phases of being touched out, and really dislike it when my kids touch my face unexpectedly, or when my DD6 jumps on my back when i'm crouched down/on hands and knees, or won't let go when I tell her to. It makes me slightly panic and is the only thing I shout at her for pretty much. But general being touched/cuddled/sat on is nice. I am trying to teach them to ask before doing it though, just because it's respectful and means I don't get startled and react badly.

busymum108 · 20/12/2023 13:35

MinnieCauldwell · 20/12/2023 13:30

This was my mother. Used to push me away and literally kept me at arms length. Couldnt bare to touch her children, never allowed on a lap and no cuddles. Still remember it all decades later.

That is not at all what this mother is describing. I'm sure she's very loving but that doesn't mean she has to let them climb all over her and kick her. Appropriate boundaries are not only healthy but necessary.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 20/12/2023 13:35

My youngest (2yo) is very big right now on coming up behind me and rubbing my leg/bum. "I strokin' you, mummy', she says, while I jump out of my skin 😂

Contemplates · 20/12/2023 13:38

busymum108 · 20/12/2023 13:33

This is completely normal, when you're already overwhelmed, that physical sensation can make you snap. I love nice hugs with my LO but she is clear, no climbing on me or silliness please. If this happens, simply pick them up, move 1m away and say 'I don't like it when people climb on me/hang off me like that. Personal space please.' This doesn't make you a bad or unloving parent at all, don't let anyone make you believe it!

I think I'd have to hug first, because saying you don't like it when they climb on you could feel like you're saying you don't like THEM if you haven't substituted it for some level of touch you DO like.

busymum108 · 20/12/2023 13:40

Contemplates · 20/12/2023 13:38

I think I'd have to hug first, because saying you don't like it when they climb on you could feel like you're saying you don't like THEM if you haven't substituted it for some level of touch you DO like.

Show quote history

I was very clear it is not about them. Hence 'I don't like it when people'.

Ash099 · 20/12/2023 13:42

MinnieCauldwell · 20/12/2023 13:30

This was my mother. Used to push me away and literally kept me at arms length. Couldnt bare to touch her children, never allowed on a lap and no cuddles. Still remember it all decades later.

Me too. I remember crying a lot and trying to cuddle her but she kept pushing me to the ends of her knees and bouncing me so I wouldn't touch her.

KissTheRains · 20/12/2023 13:43

Don't feel bad OP.
The best thing I found is to teach boundaries to kids as soon as you can and as soon as they can understand.

Some people, myself included, hate being 'Mithered' by others or even pets.
It gets you hot and bothered and can even have a 'fight or flight' effect or a feeling like your closed in and need to get out..

So teaching kids their boundaries, they don't have to be hugged, kissed or picked up by anyone unless they want to, is a good thing. But also teach them that adults have boundaries too and some times adults do t want to be hugged, climbed on, kicked, sat on, jabbed etc.

Get into a place where they hold their arms out of they want a hug or to be picked up, teach them personal space by giving them examples of you holding your arms out for hugs when you want them. Etc and so on.

Original poster
AllThingsKids · 20/12/2023 13:50

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 20/12/2023 13:35

My youngest (2yo) is very big right now on coming up behind me and rubbing my leg/bum. "I strokin' you, mummy', she says, while I jump out of my skin 😂

That really made me laugh.

OP posts:
Tacotortoise · 20/12/2023 13:54

I can certainly empathise by being "touched out" by the end of the day but generally I enjoyed physical contact w my children. I do think cuddles are really important for them.

thelonemommabear · 20/12/2023 13:56

I have 2 year old twins and an older child and honestly there are some days I'm so touched out I have to swallow down the irritation I feel (only parent too so there isn't anyone else here to share the mauling!) then I feel bad that I'll miss it when they are older and don't want to do it 😂

Original poster
AllThingsKids · 20/12/2023 13:59

Ash099 · 20/12/2023 13:42

Me too. I remember crying a lot and trying to cuddle her but she kept pushing me to the ends of her knees and bouncing me so I wouldn't touch her.

Show quote history

I don’t push her away, just grin and bear it (whilst I can’t bear it 😂). She is not two yet so not quite able to talk to her. I do tell her not to climb all over me but not sure how much she understands vs chooses not to understand.

She is all over me mainly at bedtime, messes around basically, so maybe as some posters said above it is because I get overwhelmed/fed up. I don’t mind if I get a proper nice cuddle, but her hands and feet all over me….

OP posts:
DuploTrain · 20/12/2023 14:03

Oh the bedtime messing about is just the worst. When my DS is really tired he goes all limp and just paws at me and clambers all over me and doesn’t quite know what he wants to do with all his limbs.

hydriotaphia · 20/12/2023 14:10

Wear clothes that cover your skin then. Please don't push them away/limit cuddles.

Itdjgsurchg · 20/12/2023 14:12

Both my girls were like this and my youngest still is to some extent. After a while it gets really draining. The worst is when we’re out and I’m trying to talk to people and they’re all over me, constantly trying to get my attention, touching my face etc.

Tacotortoise · 20/12/2023 14:15

hydriotaphia · 20/12/2023 14:10

Wear clothes that cover your skin then. Please don't push them away/limit cuddles.

Tbf there's a fair bit of clear water bw denying cuddles and not wanting to be a human climbing frame.

Bluela18 · 20/12/2023 14:21

I can't stand it either. It's not affection or cuddles I can't stand, I love that and my child has a lot of live and cuddles. t's the constant elbowing me , elbow in the ribs , chest , headbutting , stepping on me any time I sit , always knocks over my cuppa. Or if I'm standing constant poking me , pulling me , whacking me with things, tripping up over eachother , it's never ending and very annoying . And waking in the morning stepping on my arms legs chest head, hair ripped out , eyes poked. No don't like it