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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend's Birthday Treat

54 replies

DoubleTime · 19/12/2023 20:41

I offered to take a friend for a birthday lunch, my treat, asking when she was free and where she would like to go. She picked a bar and a time and we agreed this last week, she said she would book the table for 1pm tomorrow. After 7pm this evening she contacts me unexpectedly to say she could only get a table at 11am. A bit surprised I asked her about lunch and offered an alternative (checked it had a free table 1pm tomorrow and it was somewhere we had talked of going before so I knew she would like). She said no, she doesn't usually eat lunch, that she was happy with the 11am. I don't have time to sort out a replacement prezzie, I had just got her a small thing as lunch was to be my treat. Asked did she prefer a dinner instead of a lunch and she said she had plans tomorrow for dinner.
I feel a bit irritated that she didn't ever say she didn't eat lunch, she didn't book the table until late today presumably and found they couldn't do 1pm, but am I being unreasonable ?

OP posts:
Callyem · 19/12/2023 20:44

I don't get why you're irritated tbh!

Original poster
DoubleTime · 19/12/2023 20:44

Just to add, I would have booked the table as it was my offer, but I had asked her where she would like, and she suggested 1pm and then said she would book it.

OP posts:
Original poster
DoubleTime · 19/12/2023 20:46

Yes, I might be wrong to feel like that. Its just I had asked her for a date and time and place to take her to as her treat, and she picked them all. But now it sounds like she doesn't want to have a lunch anytime, and I would have offered something else, dinner, a show. It was to be her treat and now I feel like its not a treat at all, although I did ask her what she would like to do.

OP posts:
JamieKnows · 19/12/2023 20:47

Can't you make 11am?

Londonrach1 · 19/12/2023 20:48

Can you make 11am. If not explain you can't. Lines crossed. Don't bother with a present.

Ablondiebutagoody · 19/12/2023 20:48

So she's booked 11am instead of 1pm? That's it? I don't see the problem. It can still be your treat.

Original poster
DoubleTime · 19/12/2023 20:50

I will struggle to make 11am as have to drop off food supplies to my mum, which I agreed not knowing about the time change for tomorrow , until this evening. But I will go. Its a special birthday for my friend though (not tomorrow, it was the only day close to it she could meet me) and I would have liked to have done something more than a coffee at 11am, which was why I offered to take her to lunch somewhere that she would like.

OP posts:
CantFindTheBeat · 19/12/2023 20:50

What do you mean, OP? What's the prezzie you can't get?

Ablondiebutagoody · 19/12/2023 20:52

She's booked a table for coffee? Not a boozy birthday brunch?

Original poster
DoubleTime · 19/12/2023 20:52

Well the pressie was me buying her a nice lunch tomorrow, wine etc (and a small gift I was taking along for her)

OP posts:
Moonshine5 · 19/12/2023 20:52

The present is paying for lunch

JamieKnows · 19/12/2023 20:52

She's booked a table for a coffee? Weird, normally just turn up! Oh well, treat her to the coffee then, that's what she wants

Moonshine5 · 19/12/2023 20:53

Look don't force yourself on her, if she can't appreciate you find better friends.

Original poster
DoubleTime · 19/12/2023 20:54

No, not boozy brunch, she doesn't want food or a table elsewhere at 1pm as offered. Maybe frustrated is the right word, not irritated. With Christmas closing in, she wont be free another day to treat her to something else.

OP posts:
Throthetowelin · 19/12/2023 20:55

I would presume it's brunch at 11am, which you'll be buying

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 19/12/2023 20:55

Why are you just having coffee? Are you sure that's what she booked?

I'd be expecting to have brunch/early lunch at 11am!

Original poster
DoubleTime · 19/12/2023 20:56

Moonshine5 · 19/12/2023 20:53

Look don't force yourself on her, if she can't appreciate you find better friends.

Thats it - I feel a bit like I have now that she says just wants to meet for a coffee at 11am even though I asked her weeks ago when she would be free, would she like to go for lunch sometime around her birthday etc

OP posts:
CrapBucket · 19/12/2023 20:57

You will buy her coffee and cake or brunch, it’s still a gift, and it’s one she Actually Wants!

Original poster
DoubleTime · 19/12/2023 20:58

I do think though it was because she didn't call until late today to book the table, she didn't let me know until after 7pm. We could have looked elsewhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
DoubleTime · 19/12/2023 20:59

CrapBucket · 19/12/2023 20:57

You will buy her coffee and cake or brunch, it’s still a gift, and it’s one she Actually Wants!

I guess I will have to do that. Would like to have done more to mark her 30th

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 19/12/2023 21:00

If she's booked a table, I assume it's somewhere nice, not just your local code or Costa so you can offer to get her cake or something light.

It sounds like you're upset she won't accept a larger present because this one doesn't meet your threshold for acceptable. She sounds happy to meet you for coffee and enjoy your company

Mumof2NDers · 19/12/2023 21:00

DoubleTime · 19/12/2023 20:54

No, not boozy brunch, she doesn't want food or a table elsewhere at 1pm as offered. Maybe frustrated is the right word, not irritated. With Christmas closing in, she wont be free another day to treat her to something else.

I would be disappointed too tbh. You were looking forward to a nice lunch with a friend and now you’re just having a coffee. That might be because I don’t get out much but yeah. I’d be disappointed

Original poster
DoubleTime · 19/12/2023 21:03

Mumof2NDers · 19/12/2023 21:00

I would be disappointed too tbh. You were looking forward to a nice lunch with a friend and now you’re just having a coffee. That might be because I don’t get out much but yeah. I’d be disappointed

Show quote history

Thanks, yes, and until this evening she seemed to be looking forward to it. The venue, time etc were her suggestions, I was treating so I asked her to pick. But I really do think she didn't try and book it last week when she said, and then remembered tonight and found the only time left was 11am.

OP posts:
Frances0911 · 19/12/2023 21:05

She should have been upfront at the beginning, and told you that she couldn't go for lunch at 1pm. If she's copping out because she's now planned something else, then she could have at least invited you along. I'd just go for coffee and not offer any food unless she asks.

VisionsOfSplendour · 19/12/2023 21:06

Is this the first time she's ever mentioned that she doesn't eat lunch? Bit odd that she's never told you that and led you to believe you were going out for a meal