Or does anyone else get tired of the way men treat women's home-based jobs as if they aren't real?

[Thepeopleversuswork]

Does anyone else have this? I WFH two or three days a week, have done for years, have a home office. I feel like whenever I interact with men (and sorry but it is usually men) in the course of my working day they treat my job as if it's a joke and something I can just drop at any minute. Little things, but these three things happened to me yesterday and I'm 90% sure they wouldn't have happened to a bloke.

Having work done on my house: I had a plasterer round to do a job. When I spoke to him last week to arrange it I said Monday is good but please can you try not to arrive between 10 and 11.30am as I'm on a work call which I can't step away from. All good, he says, he'll be here by 9.30am latest. He tips up at 10.30am and knocks on the doorbell. I'm leading a call with about 15 people and have to get up to let him in which is embarrassing and awkward for my junior team.

I'm irritated but I get that you can't always control the arrival time in heavy traffic so I don't get pissed off with him, but he doesn't apologise for the timing and starts yammering on to me in excruciating detail about what he's going to do when we've already had this conversation. I then make my excuses and say if you're going out to your van can you leave the door on the latch because I can't get away again. 15 minutes later he does exactly the same thing, rings the doorbell, drags me off the same call and then drags me down into the kitchen to talk about what he's going to do.

A bit later my ex husband calls to speak to my DD (he's overseas at the moment) and insists on putting me on the phone to his mother (who I still get on well with) for a chinwag. I tell him I'll call back after I've finished work. "But you work from home," he says. "You can talk to my mum for a minute." I say no, call after work hours. He calls back half an hour later (11.30ish) and puts his mum straight on to me without checking if I'm free. It's embarrassing telling an elderly woman who I hardly see that I don't have time to talk to her so I have to spend 10 minute chewing the fat when I'm frantically busy.

Later still the dad of a friend of my DD calls me to say he's going to be late back from work and can the friend come back to mine for an hour after school. I say ordinarily it would be fine but today it's not ideal because by then DD will be out and I'm working. "It's fine, she can just watch TV," he says, before I put my foot down.

Despite the fact that hybrid working is the norm for many people, I feel like a lot of people (mainly blokes although some women do it too) feel it's a nice cushty one for women which they can do to earn pin money while they look after their kids and think they have an absolute entitlement to butt into it as they see fit.

No one would dream of doing that to someone working in a City office. It's a job. It doesn't matter whether you're in the suburbs or in a gleaming building in the centre of town, you still should have the right not to be endlessly disturbed by other people just to make their lives slightly easier. It's just another example of men thinking they have the right to interrupt woman and take as much of their time as they need, isn't it?

Many people who work out of the home have to take a day off if they want an appliance fitted! Receiving a parcel means getting it left in a safe place, possibly a neighbour if anyone is in or collecting from the sorting office at 8am on a Saturday.
And no, work often doesn’t get done on the house. For years because no one is there during the day. If it’s something urgent then someone has to take a day off or get ask a family member for a favour.
Otherwise, decorating and small jobs are don’t by ourselves at weekends or take a weeks holiday.
Honestly, this is how it always was. People have become quite entitled to wanting everything.
You can’t have the tradesperson round or answer personal calls if you are working that day!!

there are many positives to wfh (mainly financial, No commute or childcare fees except in the holidays) and I am grateful.
however at times My days are endless since working from home.

My husband thinks because I wfh that I should be taking his parcels, making 3 course meals, have a spotless home.

my days are mostly like ground hog day.

leave home at 8:20
drop kids off at 8:50
start work at 9:15
finish work at 2:45
leave to collect kids at 3pm
get home at 3:40
make snack
depending on day take to activity,
come home make dinner

once the kids are in bed I finally sit down only to be asked why am I tired because I haven’t left the house or some other annoying comment.

I am really considering getting an in office job. See how he likes having to partially spend out for wraparound care, cooking his own dinner and trekking to the parcel collect point because I won’t be in.

but for op, if you have work men I would assume you would take the day off just as you would if you were in the office. Then you wouldn’t have gotten embarrassed during your call. You also are setting a bad precedent for those junior staff you were talking to. You won’t have a leg to stand on when / if they start acting up when they wfh

Well, no, obviously. But if you book a tradesman in on a week day, you can't then complain about a few interruptions.

DH and I both have this problem, so I don't think it is confined to just women, however with some people (mostly trades - sorry tradesmen) they automatically feel they can disturb me more than DH, it is assumed that my job is less important than his, although we both have equally busy jobs and good careers that require lots of attention.

I think more though it is a lack of understanding that WFH actually means working, which is perpetually undermined on social media with people working from home whilst looking after kids/puppies/gaming/bingewatching. This really annoys me, our kids are in school/childcare the whole working day, we are often at our desks for 9 hours straight and I get more done in the home office than I do in the actual office on the days I'm in. Our parents just don't get it, they often call/want to come for coffee and ask: what are you doing today, are you at home or are you working? BOTH! We work full time 🤯 we might be able to answer the door, but we can't stop and chat and often we just shout over the ring doorbell to pop the parcel by the side door. We also sometimes have work in unsocial hours or longer days, fortunately we both have jobs where there is a bit if give and take so sometimes (rarely) we might get a bit of time back. Whereas in my parents working lives you worked when you were at work and you didn't when you weren't - it's very different now and they struggle to understand that even if we're not at the office we're expected to be working and available.

I'm not sure if the attitude will shift as the generations move on, or whether WFH will always be seen as the poor relation to being in the office.

OP - I would argue that these 'men treat women's home-based jobs as if they aren't real' because that is the impression you're giving off!

When referring to the plasterer you say he: 'drags me down into the kitchen to talk about what he's going to do'.
Well, why are you letting him do that? You simply tell him that you're on a call, that you trust he knows what he's doing and leave him to it.

Your ex-DH - You say: 'He calls back half an hour later (11.30ish) and puts his mum straight on to me without checking if I'm free.'
He can't 'put his mum onto you' if you don't answer the phone. Problem solved. Same with your DD's friend's dad.

Put simply, people aren't taking your job seriously because it doesn't seem like you are!

I work from home most days now. Aside from going to the door for the odd delivery, people know not to call me during working hours.
In fact, if I'm on a work call after hours, my husband STILL doesn't interrupt me when he comes home.

In short, you need to set some proper boundaries when WFH. Or get an office job!

I used to work from home, with many lengthy calls that I could not interrupt for any reason whatsoever. I had a laminated card that I would attach to the door - something like "I cannot answer the door as I'm on a conference call. Please do not knock unless the house is on fire!"

I would also be very clear with any workmen about this.

I work from home a set numbers of days a week. Two different family members took this as meaning I could take calls/pop out for coffee/generally treat it as me having a day off.

I won’t pick up the phone to personal calls except my lunch break and they have both learned this fairly quickly by me firmly stating this boundary. Texts only 7-5 unless it’s urgent/life threatening. Just stop answering the phone.

If we need to get a tradesman in DP or I take annual leave.

You have started a man-bashing thread based on the fact that you booked home improvement work on a day you were working - and had to very unprofessionally leave an important meeting to attend to your personal business? Ok then.

You need to stop doing personal things during work hours. Honestly, just own it. If I were your boss I’d be pissed. How would you leave a big meeting in the office to let your tradesman in at home (that you’ve scheduled?) You wouldn’t. You would not have scheduled that call.

Don’t mask this as being a man problem. It’s a you problem OP

This! OP you’re living in the clouds. If you’re working from home you should be solely focusing on work and not allowing time to be taken up for personal errands and phone calls. You don’t get paid by your employer to chin-wag on the phone to your friends and family. Unless of course it’s an entitled break. It’s so unprofessional and doesn’t make it okay just because lots of other people do it either. An emergency is different but for those of us who don’t WFH we have to book AL or pick our parcels up from a local depot like millions of others do every day. You don’t have a leg to stand on when you allow personal calls during working hours and then whinge about it. Stop answering your phone to these people and getting annoyed at your tradesmen for interrupting you on a day you willingly scheduled. People don’t not take you WFH seriously because you’re a woman, but because you’re not taking it seriously yourself. YABU. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I’m single and work full time out of home. I get parcels delivered to neighbours, left on the porch or delivered to a collection point. If i have work that needs doing and can’t be done at a weekend I have to wait until I have a weekday off work, what did you think people who work out of home do!?

I put YABU because I think it's a WFH problem which affects men and women equally. I also think a lot of people who WFH contribute to the problem by using it to be extremely flexible when it suits them, but them wanting it to be rigidly respected when it doesn't.

And as for tradesmen...they are just like that. They arrive when it suits them, do the work when it suits them, disappear when it suits them... it would be the same if you were male.

By that logic if I were in an office from 9 to 5 and I couldn't ever have a personal job intrude into my work life I'd never be able to get any work done on my house.

Well duh. It is a massive problem! Did you not know that?

Strangely enough, I was given the number to call for my mortgage advisor who now WFH instead of being at the Building Society and she put me on hold several times during the conversation and I could hear her saying, 'I think that tile should be over there' and 'do you think the grout is too dark' to somebody... she also had the nerve to ask whether I could call back on Tuesday when she would be back in the office.

I was not impressed. Not very professional at all!

If you're working from home then it is fine to get builders in. IMO.

Instead of doing 9-6 in the office you can do 8-7 (no commute wasting time) and the flip side is that you are able to take short breaks to deal with the builders. End result - you have done more work than had you gone in the office, and you have dealt with builders without needing a day off. win win for you and the boss. But you do need to be firm about not interupting you unless ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY

I agree with the majority of posters that say it’s about you managing your boundaries. I currently work from home. I have signs on the door to say I can’t answer the door, for big meetings/training events etc. For tradesman, yes I do have them in the house, but the arrangements are made outside work commitments (lots of tradesmen do quotes etc in evenings) - have the detailed conversation then. Either leave the door unlocked or give them a key, or book time off. For personal calls - don’t take them.

Don't have work done while you're working, then. It's not unreasonable for a workman to want or need your attention Take holiday like everyone else does.

By that logic if I were in an office from 9 to 5 and I couldn't ever have a personal job intrude into my work life I'd never be able to get any work done on my house. Never be able to get an appliance fix. Never be able to receive a parcel at home etc.

What do you think those of us who have to work out of the home do?! Get parcels delivered to collection points, book work during holidays/annual leave etc. I am a teacher and can’t answer my phone at all during the working day. If I want work done, I’d do it during the holidays. My friend who is a nurse is similar, she books work in the house during her days off or books annual leave for it.

You need to tell people you are busy and not answer the phone when you are working!

With the exception of tradies who you do have to stop and speak to, this doesn’t happen to me. Because I’m working, and I know the reaction I would give to a school dad who tried to tell me that didn’t matter! That said, I don’t find it embarrassing to have to answer the door except in senior management meetings with important agendas. My team know I’m human and have 3 young children and sometimes the door rings.

As if people in offices don’t take tea breaks or lunch breaks or gossip with colleagues or pay bills at lunch time. Yes you can fit in small tasks while WFH. I agree a lot of people don’t understand or respect WFH time.

I have an "important" work from home job (not actually important, but the sort of job if a DH on MN had it, it would be referred to as an "important" job).

WFH gives me flexibility but I have to manage my diary closely. That means not booking deliveries without a definite time slot on days that I have calls I'm leading, can't easily sneak out of for 5 minutes. Same for tradespeople. My door often goes unanswered if the doorbell goes when I'm on a call. If the tradesperson is late, they wait until I can let them in.

I also only answer personal calls when convenient or it seems to be an emergency (I have a ring twice back to back policy with close family if they NEED to speak, so I can ignore the first call and answer the second), and will be very blunt and short if I need to be - as I have a lot of work to get through.

But I equally don't expect others to always treat it like I'm in the office, as I'm not. If you want to be treated like you're in the office, act like it - and don't book tradespeople for days you're working.

It's perfectly reasonable for my team to answer their doors when they're working from home. Good grief!

If I want work done, I’d do it during the holidays.

Brilliant.

You need to impose clearer boundaries. I now have a key safe on my wall outside and I give tradies the pin & don't actually admit that I'll be working in the house.

I also do not answer personal calls unless they are at a time when ive agreed to it, are emergency calls eg my kids school.

I don't answer the door for packages etc unless it suits me, and don't allow DH to leave jobs and expecting me to fit them into my working day.

But presumably they then don’t complain about being disturbed?

YABU for booking a tradesperson to come round during your work hours and then treating him as if he's inconvenienced YOU when he arrives.

If you were in a City office presumably you wouldn't be booking a plasterer to come and visit during your working hours (you'd have to schedule it around your working life like all non-WFH people do) so that's a daft comparison.

Seconding the PPs who say you need to put stronger boundaries around WFH and to not think you can have your cake and eat it all the time.