Or does anyone else get tired of the way men treat women's home-based jobs as if they aren't real?

[Thepeopleversuswork]

Does anyone else have this? I WFH two or three days a week, have done for years, have a home office. I feel like whenever I interact with men (and sorry but it is usually men) in the course of my working day they treat my job as if it's a joke and something I can just drop at any minute. Little things, but these three things happened to me yesterday and I'm 90% sure they wouldn't have happened to a bloke.

Having work done on my house: I had a plasterer round to do a job. When I spoke to him last week to arrange it I said Monday is good but please can you try not to arrive between 10 and 11.30am as I'm on a work call which I can't step away from. All good, he says, he'll be here by 9.30am latest. He tips up at 10.30am and knocks on the doorbell. I'm leading a call with about 15 people and have to get up to let him in which is embarrassing and awkward for my junior team.

I'm irritated but I get that you can't always control the arrival time in heavy traffic so I don't get pissed off with him, but he doesn't apologise for the timing and starts yammering on to me in excruciating detail about what he's going to do when we've already had this conversation. I then make my excuses and say if you're going out to your van can you leave the door on the latch because I can't get away again. 15 minutes later he does exactly the same thing, rings the doorbell, drags me off the same call and then drags me down into the kitchen to talk about what he's going to do.

A bit later my ex husband calls to speak to my DD (he's overseas at the moment) and insists on putting me on the phone to his mother (who I still get on well with) for a chinwag. I tell him I'll call back after I've finished work. "But you work from home," he says. "You can talk to my mum for a minute." I say no, call after work hours. He calls back half an hour later (11.30ish) and puts his mum straight on to me without checking if I'm free. It's embarrassing telling an elderly woman who I hardly see that I don't have time to talk to her so I have to spend 10 minute chewing the fat when I'm frantically busy.

Later still the dad of a friend of my DD calls me to say he's going to be late back from work and can the friend come back to mine for an hour after school. I say ordinarily it would be fine but today it's not ideal because by then DD will be out and I'm working. "It's fine, she can just watch TV," he says, before I put my foot down.

Despite the fact that hybrid working is the norm for many people, I feel like a lot of people (mainly blokes although some women do it too) feel it's a nice cushty one for women which they can do to earn pin money while they look after their kids and think they have an absolute entitlement to butt into it as they see fit.

No one would dream of doing that to someone working in a City office. It's a job. It doesn't matter whether you're in the suburbs or in a gleaming building in the centre of town, you still should have the right not to be endlessly disturbed by other people just to make their lives slightly easier. It's just another example of men thinking they have the right to interrupt woman and take as much of their time as they need, isn't it?

It isn’t just women. It’s working from home regardless of whether you are male or female.

Big serious online meeting recently with a very high up male colleague. His doorbell must have gone three times in the hour and a half that we were in the meeting. He ignored it twice but had to get it the third time.

One of my postmen is a talker and I’ve had to explain that I’m often in meetings so although he can see that I’m in I’m not always free to talk. I was polite about it and do talk when I can.

It’s really hard with workmen. They don’t get it, and they don’t show any recognition or respect for the fact that you’re working. But I don’t think it’s because you’re a woman- I’ve heard them do exactly the same to my husband. It’s infuriating, and you can’t get annoyed with them in case they down tools. I think colleagues are generally quite sympathetic though, everyone has been there.

YABU though with personal contacts- just don’t answer the phone.

@Dotjones full of the Christmas spirit today.

if you worked in an office 9-5 then you would need to take annual leave to get work done on your house, have parcels delivered to neighbours or delivered to work etc - how on earth do you think people who dont WFH get things done? of course they get appliances fixed etc they just dont mix work and personal time.

YANBU but it seems to be the norm for WFH of either sex. Be firm with your boundaries.

Maybe it's worse for women but it definitely it isn't just women who get this. I've an inlaw who's worked from home since long before Covid. It's fairly common in his sector and the company he works for is 100% remote. There's no hybrid working because there's no office! But even though he's done the job for years he still gets friends and family just turning up at his house at random times of the day expecting him to be free.

Dropping by on the off chance he might have 10 minutes for a coffee is one thing but he's told me that some of them actually seem offended when he says he can't go for a lovely long walk in the countryside with them because he's about to go into a 2-hour meeting with a client. Some people just seem to view any time at home as "free" time.

I sympathise OP but I do agree that if you were leading a call of 15 people you really should have ignored the doorbell.

And you should have said to the plasterer “I won’t be here 10-11.30” not “try not to arrive 10-11.30”.

Yes it’s possible the plasterer might still have arrived at 10.30 and driven off again and it would be a total and utter pain to rearrange. But that’s better than cocking up an important work call. And actually he might have taken your timing issue more seriously and arrived earlier or later.

Basically you need to prioritise your work and be firmer about that, if you expect other people to. I agree with the PP who says that this is what (many) men would do.

I'm male and work from home, and to be honest this sort of thing happens to me as well.

DP will arrange parcels to be delivered when she's not in because I can open the door (and then get annoyed when I'm on a call when they've turned up so I've not answered the door)

Next door do the same. "Oh Bobo works from home, he'll be in for it"

Or she'll put a wash on, and then be surprised that I haven't noticed and put it on the line for her.

A lot of your examples though sound like you're not putting boundaries in place though.

Tell your husband and MIL that you can't talk to her now, and then hang up the phone.

Don't answer the door to the tradesman if you're in the middle of a meeting. (Although this one sounds like you're trying to have your cake and eat it. Presumably if you worked in an office, you'd have to take a days annual leave for this. I'd be counting yourself lucky that you don't need to.)

Bobbot you have demonstrated perfectly the point that men wouldn’t answer the door! 😁

My dad rings me for a chat in the middle of the day but he worked a manual job all his life and he's 75 so it's not his fault that he doesn't know what "a pitch deck for a digital arts consultancy" is, and definitely not why it has to be done in the next 2 hours. All these things are gendered a bit but DH works from home too and people treat him the same - even more so because his job is "fun". Still has deadlines!

Basically though just don't answer the phone / door! You wouldn't have been able to if you were in an office. Back when I worked in a physical office you had to take annual leave if you wanted to let a plasterer in.

For what it's worth, though, the plasterer was doing exactly the right thing (apart from showing up late) - it might seem redundant for him to go over the whole job in "excruciating detail", but that's your chance to correct him if there had been miscommunication or misunderstanding. I'd much rather sacrifice a bit of time making sure than ending up having to pay more or have the job take even longer to correct a mistake.

That's why you don't book tradesmen when you have important meeting... Book them on quiet day.

Absolutely agree with others - no one will take yojr job seriously if you won't.
Fine to dip out during informal-ish meetings, happens to all of us, but chairing large meeting? Not really.
And no, you don't have to answer every call either. Just answer when you have a break.
I always call back when I am making coffee or lunch🤷

We have always worked from home and my PIL always treated it as us not working.

Three evenings a week, FIL comes to us for dinner - DH picks him up. He will say, “can he come a bit earlier to read the meter” (or other small chore) and I will say, that no, he can’t come earlier, he has to work, but he’ll do it when he comes.

Recently, he asked DH if I do much work in the office these days, as if I was retired at 55 (I mean, I wish!).

DH’s uncle and aunt used to work from home and my PIL would drop in and see them. They would say “ooh! You should have seen the face on her!” about my aunt, who was understandably annoyed to have her working day interrupted by a social call.

I used to know a charmer who would ring me at about 11am and say "sorry, I didn't get you out of bed, did I?" Whether it was just my working from home that galled him or whether it was misogyny I don't know. Either way it was tedious.

We both work from home and my PIL are the problem with this. Fortunately I just open the door, say I'm working, call my partner down from his office and leave him to deal with it.

This is what annual leave and lunch breaks are for.

How do you think people manage when they can't WFH?

I don't think this is a 'bloke' thing as there have been tonnes of threads from MNetters saying their MIL/Mum/female neighbour/friend etc don't understand that working from home means actually working.

But in your case it doesn't sound as if it's all work as others have said, you're trying to have the best of both worlds.

And considering you only work 2 or 3 days a week, that would lessen the amount of annual leave you'd need to use when booking workmen.

Having been a single parent for a while, I have a keysafe. I get tradesmen who are recommended and I text them the keysafe code on the day. They let themselves in. I have had the same plumber for 5 years but I only met him 6 months ago after moving house. Others may think that's risky but its worked fine. I change the code regularly.

Likewise I don't take personal calls during meetings, although I will look at my phone in case it's my mother's nursing home. If it's dp he will text me so I know what it's about.

YOU have to behave as if your work is important. Men, and women, will never put more value on your time than you do.

I actually do think you're right - but the only reason it can damage your work is if you let it.

Don't answer your personal phone or the door while you are working. I don't see the problem. Put a parcel box up outside your front door, a key safe if trades people need to get in. If you didn't work from home this is what you would have to do. Or have a day off or arrange things for the weekends.

Take annual leave?

I voted YABU because you didn't have to schedule the plasterer when you were at work, and you didn't have to answer the door to him when you were in a meeting. You don't have to take calls from your husband. You didn't have to talk to MiL for ten mjnutes.

Every time you go along with these things you're letting everyone know you're available.

The same way working people who live alone, or families where both parents work do? You take annual leave or schedule for when you're not working.

I'm sorry but if you want to schedule works to happen while you WFH, you have to accept the interruptions. And you put your phone on DND and don't pick up - not even sure why you picked up - twice - to your ex-husband?

I see the “bitter about wfh” crowd got their bat signal.

YANBU... but you are a bit.

Where YABU is not to get that the same applies to men who work from home and stay at home parents of both sexes.

My dad is pretty good and takes the (unsubtle) hint when necessary, but he turns up sometimes. "What part of this do you not get, dad? If I am at home to answer the door and it is 9-5.30 (maybe longer) Monday to Friday then I am working and you are interrupting! Also, dearest, remember my other half works part time from home as well, and she cannot be interrupted when she is working, and not only that, if OH is not working then she is probably planning meals, cleaning, running in to town to get something DS needs for tomorrow, etc etc. If she had 10 minutes to sit down then - no offence - she probably wants to spend it on a well earnt rest, not making tea for her FIL".