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AIBU?

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Original poster

Schools stereotyping autism.

60 replies

Beenpo · 18/12/2023 17:26

Does anyone else find their autistic DCs school stereotypes them? It’s almost as though mine has an autistic child’s checklist and ascribes it to all ASD students.

The reason I post is because I have a 9 year old who is autistic (Asbergers type) and has ADHD. I often find his mainstream school gives him stereotypical autistic traits or blames ‘autism’ in inappropriate situations.

For example, one of my DCs strengths is that they are very flexible and adaptable. They do not mind routine change, if anything we are all a little chaotic in our family (I have ADHD). Today, my DC was upset as something had happened with their friends at school. When the class teacher spoke to me about it, they kept insisting that my DC was upset and reacted in the way they had because ‘Christmas was coming up which is unsettling for autistic people.’ The teacher couldn’t tell me what the actual situation was that had occurred with my DC and their friends, they just kept saying ‘you know your DC’s struggles, it’s that time of year.’

My DC is incredibly happy go lucky,
flexible, adaptable… can’t wait for Christmas and New Year!!

On another occasion they blamed routine change on mufti day for my DCs upset, when actually another child had been mean to them.

Does anyone else find this an issue with their child’s school or other people?

OP posts:
dnasurprise · 18/12/2023 17:30

yes we have had similar, my autistic son is also really adaptable and flexible about most things.

Psychoticbreak · 18/12/2023 17:33

I have asd and adhd and am adaptable too. Christmas does not bother me and while I am atheist and do not do religion I just enjoy my kids getting spoiled. You would think they would be more open minded and not shove everyone on the spectrum as the same. Ignorance.

CanaryCanary · 18/12/2023 17:34

Yes, it’s the easiest answer for them when they’re rushed and have 30 other kids to think about. Sometimes you just have to politely correct them. Hopefully you have a report or diagnosis letter that sets out what his strengths are, then you can refer them back to it.

Original poster
Beenpo · 18/12/2023 17:34

@dnasurprise it is very frustrating. I feel as though they aren’t looking at my DC as an individual, or understanding when / why they are upset or struggling, or listening to me, it’s just blaming a stereotypical ‘autistic trait’ whether they actually has that issue or not…

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 18/12/2023 17:34

It's the NT kids that the phrase 'It's that time of year' apply to at work. No problems at all with any ND children, not when you've got over a thousand over excitable and over tired young people to manage for another few days.

WrittenInBlue · 18/12/2023 17:37

As the parent of a DC with ASD who is not adaptable, at all, I can constantly met with utter shock from his teachers that he still has ASD and is still not adaptable. Every time. So it goes both ways 😀

Fionaville · 18/12/2023 17:38

Yes 100%! They used to say my DS couldn't take part in the school nativity or Easter parade etc, because it would upset his routine too much which would make him stressed. Which was absolute nonsense. He's never struggled with routine change, especially for something enjoyable! Funnily enough, when he started special school they all took part in the nativity and were often doing things that weren't part of their routine. Mainstream schools use stereotypical behaviours as an excuse due lack of time, funding and support.

Shpeech · 18/12/2023 17:58

For this very well articulated reason, I don't think labels or diagnosis are always right for someone.
Autism "traits" don't seem to exist as all cases are so different and this lazy teaching, putting children into different boxes, ruling out other reasons, can be dangerous and unhelpful.
From my experience, it used to explain away a lot of different situations.
And if a children copes well in different situations, can handle transitions, plays nicely, etc, then why do they have the diagnosis?

Gran0laG1rl · 18/12/2023 18:34

I have autism and adhd as do my children. I am adaptable however if my bucket is full I am
more likely to get overwhelmed by things.

So yes your son may have been upset over a fallout and not Christmas however if there was no Christmas he may have been better at handling it.

Gran0laG1rl · 18/12/2023 18:35

Shpeech

You indicate a lot of ignorance re autism.

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 18/12/2023 18:45

I am being grumpy I admit, but rather than starting a thread about 1 teacher in 1 school you have decided it is schools in general!

Then moan about stereotyping and over generalisation.

DragonMama3 · 18/12/2023 21:27

Asperger's is not used - long story. It got replaced with High Functioning Autism.

Sunflower8848 · 18/12/2023 21:33

Doesn’t it make you question the whole social concept of “autism”?

Original poster
Beenpo · 18/12/2023 21:33

@DragonMama3 I know, high functioning autism isn’t used either. It’s just autism spectrum disorder. I added the term ‘Asperger’s’ as without the clarification, just using ‘autism’ tends to create confusion and people don’t understand level of need, struggles, lack of learning disabilities etc.

OP posts:
DragonMama3 · 18/12/2023 21:35

autism spectrum condition acc to paed consultant

bellac11 · 18/12/2023 21:39

DragonMama3 · 18/12/2023 21:27

Asperger's is not used - long story. It got replaced with High Functioning Autism.

It certainly is used for people whose diagnosis is Asperger's, thank you

TwiddlingMyToes · 18/12/2023 21:43

I totally understand what you mean and I find the same. But I choose to view it that they're trying to be understanding and inclusive. We've had teachers who won't take his difficulties into account at all and have dismissed him as just naughty, so I'd probably rather they go too fat the other way and at least they're trying 🤷

TwiddlingMyToes · 18/12/2023 21:44

Sunflower8848 · 18/12/2023 21:33

Doesn’t it make you question the whole social concept of “autism”?

What do you mean by this?

Shinyandnew1 · 18/12/2023 21:44

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 18/12/2023 18:45

I am being grumpy I admit, but rather than starting a thread about 1 teacher in 1 school you have decided it is schools in general!

Then moan about stereotyping and over generalisation.

Completely agree here!

Fionaville · 18/12/2023 21:52

Shpeech · 18/12/2023 17:58

For this very well articulated reason, I don't think labels or diagnosis are always right for someone.
Autism "traits" don't seem to exist as all cases are so different and this lazy teaching, putting children into different boxes, ruling out other reasons, can be dangerous and unhelpful.
From my experience, it used to explain away a lot of different situations.
And if a children copes well in different situations, can handle transitions, plays nicely, etc, then why do they have the diagnosis?

My child handles transitions well and changes in routine. However he bounds around stimming and spinning, talks to himself (echolalia) and has a low comprehension level. He has classic autism (special school) anybody watching him from a mile away would spot the traits. It is a spectrum in that some of his peers love to hug, any time, any place, anywhere. Whereas he's not a hugger, unless he instigates it. Some of his peers hate suprises and change. He quite likes them usually. Nobody can say 'autistic people don't like this' because its such a spectrum.

August85 · 18/12/2023 21:55

Sunflower8848 · 18/12/2023 21:33

Doesn’t it make you question the whole social concept of “autism”?

No, why on earth would it? In autism research it is widely recognised that while there are common autistic traits, this doesn't mean every autistic person has them all (as the saying goes, if you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person). To be diagnosed as autistic you have to meet a certain threshold in certain key areas, but these are by no means the same for everyone. What OP is encountering is a widespread ignorance of what autism actually looks like - many people's idea of autism is still basically Rainman. On my PGCE we barely covered neurodiversity in one afternoon; many teachers are still woefully under-informed about it unless they've had specific training.

Hankunamatata · 18/12/2023 22:03

Some of my dc love Xmas and are adaptable however their resilience does become much lower leading up to Xmas. Things they would usually shrug off like unkind comments do seem to hit home more.

BestZebbie · 18/12/2023 22:17

I suspect that training hasn't kept up with advances in understanding of the variety of needs, also, e.g: going through a visual timetable of the whole day's plan at 8.45am with a demand-avoidant child is not going to improve anyone's experience of getting through that long list of demands...

YourTruthorMine · 18/12/2023 22:25

If you are an autistic individual that copes well with change and is happy go lucky and flexible, then you'll likely get diagnosed with ADHD.

I am one of those people. I believe ADHD is autism

Hotpinkangel19 · 18/12/2023 22:32

DragonMama3 · 18/12/2023 21:27

Asperger's is not used - long story. It got replaced with High Functioning Autism.

But many have an Aspergers diagnosis and prefer to use it. It hasn't been out of use that long.

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