To be pissed off about this (and worried)

[Crispwinterwalks]

Asked DH to make 5 month old a feed yesterday because I was sorting other things. We use a perfect prep which I know technically isn’t recommended by official guidance, but he made it up incorrectly, putting the powder into the bottle and then adding the hot shot and the rest. I told him it was incorrect, assuming it was a one off mistake if he hadn’t been concentrating and he shrugged and said ‘yeah I know, but can’t see what difference it makes.’

It’s starting to stress me a bit to be honest as dh is lovely but lazy. I can be lazy too but not with safety surely … or AIBU? And I’m guessing if the baby hasnt had any bad reaction then all is ok?

Thanks @CrapBucket - it is getting me down a bit generally to be honest.

It's not about the bottle is it? Not really.

but it’s just I feel at the moment everything is too much trouble for DH, so I end up doing everything anyway!
You have a very big problem here, especially since you have called him lazy several times. Resentment is a killer of relationships and you are starting to feel resentful of DH. Anger and frustration are it's siblings. It's time to talk to each other properly, or get couples counselling.

Hang on, are you saying he doesn’t usually make the baby’s bottles? Or that he makes them all the time, it’s just you didn’t notice him doing it ‘wrong’ till now?

There may well be plenty of other ways in which he’s being lazy and cutting corners, but this isn’t one of them. He didn’t “admit to being lazy” - he said he didn’t see what difference it made. And that’s fair. It doesn’t make any difference at all. Two things, exactly the same, mixing. He knows the powder has to be exposed to the hot shot and it was. That’s not being lazy, it’s being logical.

@Crispwinterwalks The prep machine guidelines changed a few years ago. You must have the older model? You now need to add the powder first and then the hot shot. The newer model has the updated steps for preparing the formula. So technically your partner is correct.

The manufacturer worked out that adding the water first, meant that the water was cooling too much by the time the powder was added, meaning that the powder wasn't being sterilised properly. The changed the prep instructions so that the powder was added first, to allow the powder to have the full benefits of the hot shot.

I personally used the little tommee tippie pre measured formula pots. Make them all up in advance for the day and you don't need to faff about, measuring for every bottle. Problem solved.

But you're still adding the powder to the hot shot?

It would make zero difference to the sterility of the formula. You're being paranoid.

I changed to powder first and then hot shot when my first son was 3 months old because the powder kept clumping so I'd have to vigorously shake the bottle which then cause lots of bubbles and painful wind for baby, no issues at all and now doing the same for my second child. I swirl the bottle while the hot shot is running too.

OP do you mean that your DP is adding the formula, then the hot shot, then the cool shot and only mixing/shaking it at the end? It doesn't really matter what order you do the hot shot and formula in, as the main thing is that the hot water sterilises the formula powder. However, if he's just adding the cold shot without having mixed the hot shot and formula, that is an issue, as the formula won't have been properly sterilised by the hot shot before the cold water was added. I wouldn't worry about using the Prep machine generally though; the NHS advice is to make a bottle from scratch every time, which isn't realistic when you have a screaming baby and have to wait for it to cool! Both our midwife and health visitor said the prep machine was fine to use as long as we kept on top of cleaning it regularly.

You really need to talk to your partner and explain how you are feeling otherwise its not just going to be prepping the formula that annoys you. I hope things improve soon, its a hard stage and no doubt you are feeling tired.

whilst it’s not the ‘perfect’ way actually making them in advance with hot water and storing is actually safer than the prep machine as the milk is fully sterilised when refrigerated, I work I the feeding team, best practice is fresh with kettle, if not possible make in advance and fridge

@Talipesmum he did. He literally said ‘I know I’m being lazy but I can’t be bothered and can’t see what difference it makes.’

Fair enough he was right but not because he’d carefully checked. I’m happy to admit I was wrong but it’s more the general sort of ‘oh what does it matter’ that is permeating a few things at the moment.

He is actually a lovely man and we have a good relationship but I’m doing a hell of a lot and most of it goes largely unnoticed.

OP. How can you work on the actual problem with your DH

it sounds like you think he is not doing his fair share of stuff around the house, and potentially even using strategic incompetence to get out of doing work (as you feel you have to take over or redo it yourself)

Have you had a proper conversation about that when you are not ‘in the moment’ of frustration about a job?

but hes not adding it after the cold, the heat will still equally sterilize it... it really makes zero difference in the grand scheme, it just might possibly be slightly clumpier.

Also its not 'not recommended' its just not 'recommended' theres a difference.

Its not 'recommended' purely as there hasn't been publicly funded testing by bodies like the NHS, only by privately funded companies.

To 'not be recommended' would mean it has been tested and has been found inadequate or unsafe by them which has not happened.

As a medical scientist who tested this, I completely disagree.

Formula made in advance is far more prone to a bacteria bloom, its exposed to the air so is not sterile once made no matter what temperature it was originally made at. The longer the exposure the higher the risk of contamination.

Formula should be used immediately, refrigeration does not 'stop' bacteria it simply slows it and is taking an unnecessary risk.

Why would adding the powder to the water kill bugs, but not the other way around? Surely all that hot water hitting the powder would do the biz??? Aren't you overthinking this a bit? Do the instructions say WARNING: ALWAYS ADD POWDER TO WATER FOR SAFETY REASONS? Or not?

I don’t disagree, I think you misunderstood me. Yes fridge is far from ideal, but if made with hot water, sealed and then well chilled bacteria will be lower than formula made entirely unsterile with the prep. No fridging isn’t great, but the prep is worse

https://www.firststepsnutrition.org/making-infant-milk-safely

first steps nutrition is a public non profit and non sponsored organisation who have evaluated the prep machines

I don't really understand how it's a laziness or "can't be bothered" issue. It makes no difference to the amount of effort required whether you put the powder in first or second

This article doesn’t say that the prep machine methods are wrong - it says that sometimes the machines don’t dispense water above 70 degrees when they say they do. It’s a great point to check the machine is doing what it’s supposed to be doing. But there’s nothing wrong with the method if the water is hot enough.

It makes zero difference what comes first. The water and formula meet in exactly the same way regardless.
You’re fussing about something completely illogical.

Well then you'll have to do it yourself