To feel so mortified at having walked into unlocked toilet cubicle?

[Tibbb]

Interval break at a concert yesterday evening. Quite a few tipsy people around but not me as hadn't been drinking. Ladies toilets busy but one cubicle appeared available from outside and so I gently pushed open the door a little just in case.

Sure enough I had opened the door onto a woman sitting on the loo, knickers around her feet. Not sure who was more embarrassed, me or her.

I couldn't close the door from the outside and so left the door slightly ajar and went into another cubicle further down.

I feel mortified for the woman I nearly walked in on, and also feel mortified myself for having nearly done so even though the door was unlocked.

Not really an AIBU but wondering who was in the wrong here.

Merry Christmas.

I'm very surprised this has never happened to you (from either side of the transaction) before.

Forget about it. It's not a big deal.

Her fault, not yours. If the door doesn't lock then she should have put a foot against it.

No big deal though. Don't give it another thought.

Nobody was in the wrong (well, maybe she was for not locking the door, but it’s always possible the lock was broken or faulty). These things happen. I’m sure we’ve all been both walked in on and been the walker in - I certainly have. All you can do is say, “oh sorry!” and back away as fast as you can.

Do you suffer from anxiety? I think most people would feel mildly embarrassed for a few seconds then forget it - I certainly would. But it seems to have really affected you?

This is surely just an “Ooooops! Sorry!” then forget all about it situation?

Has happened to me on both sides, usually due to faulty locks. I now like to think I have perfected the Toilet Tap (C) - a nudge that is just enough to move the door slightly without opening it.

This happened to me at work and, thanks to the unisex toilets, it was a bloke sitting on the loo. I was actually pretty cross and shouted through the door that he should think about locking it next time.

Yes, I do suffer from anxiety.

I imagine both of you were a tad embarrassed; it's not a scenario wherein anyone is 'wrong', though.

Totally her fault , don’t give it a second thought .

Not sure why you are embarrassed, you didn't have your pants round your ankles. This happened to me at a conference once, something wrong with the door I guess and it wasn't a row of cubicles it was one door that opened onto a busy room. So that was great. One woman in the ladies I probably would barely recall the next day it's so insignificant

No ones right or wrong, really doesn’t need over thinking surely a simple “oops sorry” and then move on with the rest of your night

I’m sorry to hear that - are you getting any help or treatment?

I know it’s not as easy as to say “stop worrying”, but I really would try and put the whole incident out of your mind. If it helps, I’m sure this happens daily in just about every pub/restaurant loo in the land; or look at it as, no matter how embarrassed or mortified you felt for her or yourself, you’ll never see her again.

For clarification to earlier anecdote it was me with pants round ankles. I made myself feel better by convincing myself no one was looking at my face so hopefully wouldn't remember who it was.

The other day I was in New Street Station and a woman was using the loo with the cubicle door wide open, I assumed because she couldn't fit her suitcases in with her and wanted to keep an eye on them (they were directly in front of her.)

It don't consider myself at all prudish about stuff like that but it did take me aback slightly I must admit. Nobody else seemed remotely bothered tho - they were all just queuing, washing hands etc as normal, so I did too. It's not like you could really see any of her body you wouldn't normally see, after all .....

I honestly wouldn't worry - it has happened to me once or twice I am sure in my life, and I have never thought much of it.

No, not getting any help or treatment, not really sure it's severe enough to warrant that.

I'm not sure why it's affected me but I guess it's because she looked quite scared and vulnerable.

I did it to my boss on my first day in a new job. Cringey, yes. But just unfortunate.

If the door doesn’t lock I always hold it closed with my foot.

We've all done it.

I recall years ago walking in on somebody so just said 'opps, sorry' like you do.

Then while I was in the loo, the woman and her friend started talking about me, obviously forgetting I might still be there, mimicking me saying, did you hear her, 'oops sorry' repeatedly, in silly voices.

I came out and said, I did hear all that, what a load of fuss you are making'. They looked mortified. 😂.

Oh, so maybe just the look on her face triggered off something else in you that wasn’t actually about the situation in front of you at all?

Though perhaps it’s not helpful to say that - I agree with others that the best advice is to try to put it out of your mind rather than overthinking it. If you do find yourself still upset about it in days to come, or your anxiety is making life difficult in other ways, I would gently suggest talking to someone who can help.

Yup.
All people use the toilet a few times a day, it's hardly a mortifying event to accidentally see someone sitting on the loo.

Everyone looks vulnerable on the toilet.

Are you using any CBT techniques to help you? In this situation as a first step I’d look at the evidence of everyone saying it’s no big deal, then the next step is that if it’s no big deal to most people on here then that’s likely the case for the woman you walked in on, and third step is in light of that she’s most likely either forgotten all about it or is distinctly unbothered by it. Therefore nothing for you to worry about.

Why do people have pants around ankles? I thought that was only in cartoons.

I've done worse*, I really wouldn't stress about it. The woman probably felt a bit embarrassed and silly for not locking the door for a bit, then hasn't thought much about it since. It was hardly your fault.

*After I had DS2, I went to use the bathroom on the antenatal ward. Had to take DS with me in his wheeled cot thing. So I opened the door, pushed the wheely cot into the bathroom, manouvering it back and forth loads as the wheels kept getting stuck on the metal threshold strip. This took a good 30 seconds at least. Then I went in after the cot - then turned to shut the door only to see a poor woman just sitting there in a bath full of bloody water! She said absolutely nothing, just looked at me horrified. I apologised over and over while trying desperately to push DS's cot back out of the bath room again, it was mortifying! WHY didn't she say something - anything! - as I spent ages getting DS in through the door?

It happens she will probably laugh about it with family in the future I did the same years ago. I walked in on a man on a train to London pushed the button and the door opened I was there banging it but it would not close. Group of men on a stag do were laughing there heads off really loud. The man had to pass me on the was back to his seat and he smiled he found it amusing I was more embarrassed than him.

This reminds me of when I walked in on a naked colleague in the women's changing/shower room at my old office, where there was a gym. She had her back to me and was bent over trying to put her underwear/lower clothing on, I immediately apologised and went to leave but she was completely fine with it - think I was more embarrassed.

The room didn't have a lock on the door and more often than not there would be colleagues in shower towels or various states of undress before or after their workout.

Really nothing to be mortified about OP, if anything the woman on the toilet probably felt more embarrassed.

Someone once opened a portaloo door on me at a festival when I was mid way through putting a tampon in. I obviously hadn’t locked it properly. The toilets were facing onto a huge crowd and I’d say at least 100 strangers saw me putting a tampon in. It was embarrassing but who cares, I won’t see any of them again. I don’t expect this woman cares that much that a single stranger saw her on the toilet.