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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my Husband is selfish

30 replies

Simp88 · 17/12/2023 12:29

So last Tuesday I had my wisdom teeth removed 3 in total - this has been planned for 14 months due to strikes and appointments etc.

I had them out under a general in hospital and have felt worse for wear since!

i ended up in that much agony turns out it was dry socket and I needed to go to A&E to have treatment.

since then I’ve contracted Norovirus!

we have 2 children of school age that need one of us around. I have always been the default parent to take the time off from work if the children are ill or even if my is ill husband.

im not fit to look after the children at the moment and we have no one to help and especially since we have Noro - no one is going to want to catch that around Christmas!

I have asked him to take a few days off to help with the kids and he makes me feel awful about it.

he works shifts 3 weeks on and 2 weeks off. He’s currently on his 1sr week of shifts.

AIBU to think he’s selfish - it’s ok for me to take time off work and affect my absence but not him?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 17/12/2023 12:41

My DH would never take time off work if the kids were sick, and he went away for a week at a time, so I had no choice but to carry on. I suppose if you didn’t have a DH/partner you’d have to get on with it.

electriclight · 17/12/2023 13:00

I was a single mum with no family nearby so had to do it all myself no matter what.

But if I had a dh I think I would expect him to step up if I was very poorly - it's a partnership after all.

I think it probably depends on his situation at work though - will he be letting a lot of people down, does it have to be unpaid and can you afford that, has he already had a lot of time off and he might be referred to OH, are they considering redundancies and he wants a clean record?

givemethetea · 17/12/2023 13:02

But she's not a single parent so why should she have to suck it up as if she is one!

ChiIIieP · 17/12/2023 13:02

DustyLee123 · 17/12/2023 12:41

My DH would never take time off work if the kids were sick, and he went away for a week at a time, so I had no choice but to carry on. I suppose if you didn’t have a DH/partner you’d have to get on with it.

I suppose if you had a partner that wasn't selfish they'd also help when it was really needed.

Lovingitallnow · 17/12/2023 13:04

There you go OP @DustyLee123 's dh used to work away so you need to do everything on your own.

SausageChopsBellyFlops · 17/12/2023 13:04

It would depend on the ages of the kids.

If they are 5 and 6 then yes he should be, at least, reducing his hours, if they are 10 and 11 then probably not.

Hope you feel better soon anyways op, sounds like you've been to hell and back the last couple of weeks.

Notimeforaname · 17/12/2023 13:05

Unless he could get into big trouble at work/lose money you really need.. he is just being selfish.

Patchworksack · 17/12/2023 13:07

If this was pre-planned (obviously not the Norovirus) why didn’t he book time off in the first place?

HungryandIknowit · 17/12/2023 13:09

I definitely wouldnt take time off if he was ill in future.

Butchyrestingface · 17/12/2023 13:12

Think I need to know how old your kids are before opining.

violetcuriosity · 17/12/2023 13:12

I feel you OP. DD1 and I have had norovirus since Wednesday night, only today feeling human, my DP took Thursday and Friday unpaid and risked getting in trouble at work to look after us and the DD2 who is a baby. YANBU

zurala · 17/12/2023 13:13

DustyLee123 · 17/12/2023 12:41

My DH would never take time off work if the kids were sick, and he went away for a week at a time, so I had no choice but to carry on. I suppose if you didn’t have a DH/partner you’d have to get on with it.

Just because your husband is a selfish self centred waste of oxygen doesn't mean the rest of us have to put up with such shit behaviour. Raise your bar.

Mielbee · 17/12/2023 13:15

But OP does? So OP shouldn't have to?

YeahIsaidit · 17/12/2023 13:21

HungryandIknowit · 17/12/2023 13:09

I definitely wouldnt take time off if he was ill in future.

Because people generally don't need to take time off work to care for someone who's had teeth out?

Original poster
Simp88 · 17/12/2023 13:38

My children are 4 and 6 so need full time care etc.

I’ve been trooping on in pain doing school pick ups etc but it all came to a head Friday when I collapsed and was rushed to A&E in that much pain and a temp of 42.

as my husband has 2 weeks off that’s his “annual leave” so to speak so he’s not allowed to book any other time off.

he would be paid full as he’s worked there for years and there is another person on shift with him at all times.

I just don’t understand his reasoning as to why he can’t take a few days off to help me

we also have no family near by as my mum passed away 2 years ago. His family live 3 hours away and they won’t want noro.

OP posts:
SausageChopsBellyFlops · 17/12/2023 13:41

4 and 6?

He should absolutely be taking time off.

What a selfish arsehole.

I'm a single parent so I do 'get on with it', however if I had a partner I would absolutely expect them to step up and help, that's sort of the point of being part of a couple, so don't let anyone make you feel bad because others have to deal with things alone. You're married, so you shouldn't have to.

No advice for you op, but I'll listen (and join in) if you want to bitch about your husband, bloody selfish prick.

startquitting · 17/12/2023 13:43

zurala · 17/12/2023 13:13

Just because your husband is a selfish self centred waste of oxygen doesn't mean the rest of us have to put up with such shit behaviour. Raise your bar.

Show quote history

Yup. Sorry you’ve been so unlucky @DustyLee123 Thankfully most men aren’t like yours.

startquitting · 17/12/2023 13:45

My adult dd had two of her wisdom teeth out and was really ill for a whole week. They wouldn’t take three of them out at the same time as that would have been too painful and even dangerous so she’ll have to do it all over again soon.

Your dh absolutely should have taken time off, poor you.

Allinadayswork80 · 17/12/2023 13:50

Yep he’s being unkind and selfish. Not much to ask at all. Sounds like you’ve had an awful experience and need a few days to recuperate.

NatMoz · 17/12/2023 13:51

DustyLee123 · 17/12/2023 12:41

My DH would never take time off work if the kids were sick, and he went away for a week at a time, so I had no choice but to carry on. I suppose if you didn’t have a DH/partner you’d have to get on with it.

I'm sorry your husband is shit and you don't question it. The rest of us wouldn't accept this behaviour and neither should OP

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 17/12/2023 14:01

DustyLee123 · 17/12/2023 12:41

My DH would never take time off work if the kids were sick, and he went away for a week at a time, so I had no choice but to carry on. I suppose if you didn’t have a DH/partner you’d have to get on with it.

And if I was a single parent I'd have to do all housework, cooking, laundry, school/nurseries runs, bedtimes, night wake ups. That's not a reason why I should do it when I do have a partner though.

Mammyloveswine · 17/12/2023 14:02

He a cunt but most men generally are... I can't even speak about how selfish my "d"H is behaving towards me atm but I vowing right now that my two sons will NEVER treat their partners the way their father is treating me right now.

ChiIIieP · 17/12/2023 14:04

Most men are generally cunts? Wow, ok. Imagine that being said the other way round by a man!

margotrose · 17/12/2023 14:06

DustyLee123 · 17/12/2023 12:41

My DH would never take time off work if the kids were sick, and he went away for a week at a time, so I had no choice but to carry on. I suppose if you didn’t have a DH/partner you’d have to get on with it.

Just because your bar is on the floor, doesn't mean everyone else's needs to be.

ShazzyG71 · 17/12/2023 14:10

I’ve never had a dry socket but over 36 years as a dental nurse have seen many patients with one and apparently it’s agony! Norovirus obviously is also very unpleasant. He absolutely should take some time out to help you!
I know this doesn’t apply to all men but mine was the same, always expected me to deal with the illness, MH crisies etc. I don’t know why he thinks is job is more important than mine?