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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No communication because 'out out'??

47 replies

Shiny88 · 16/12/2023 22:59

DH has gone out tonight.
Started with me possibly dragging DD 3 out of bed to pick him up - 10 latest.
I got a message at 6.30 says FIL would drive him home or he would stay at friends.
I asked him to let me know as he hasn't got a key and I would want to lock up if he isn't coming home.
Iv heard nothing at all.
Why do men get to do this?

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 16/12/2023 23:00

why doesn’t he have a key?

Minglingpringle · 16/12/2023 23:01

Just lock up I guess if he can’t be bothered to communicate and it bothers you.

Original poster
Shiny88 · 16/12/2023 23:02

@crumblingschools because we had to give it to the dog Walker for her to have access to the house for a one off walk today. Otherwise he would usually have key.

OP posts:
PiggieWig · 16/12/2023 23:03

Not ideal but is there somewhere you can hide a key? My late teens son has rung me a few times to say he’s forgotten his key and we have a hiding place I’ll leave one for a few hours.

gamerchick · 16/12/2023 23:03

If I go out on the lash I take a ruddy key. If husband goes out, he takes a key. It's weird not to take a key

Lock up and go to bed. As soon as sleeping out is mentioned, that's usually what happens.

If you find him on the doorstep an ice cube in the morning. Defrost him with his keys.

thedamnseason · 16/12/2023 23:03

Just message and say you're locking up before you go to bed so can he stay somewhere.
Go to bed.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 16/12/2023 23:03

Just message him where you've hidden the key, I don't think I'd be bothered by this, unless he has form for being a dick or something. My DH is notmally out til stupid o'clock if there's a work do, I'm just jealous because it's the one thing I miss about work now I'm a SAHM! I don't wait up or worry where he is.

Allinadayswork80 · 16/12/2023 23:03

Very annoying. I’d lock up and go to bed! If he can’t have the decency to send you a 30 second message to let you know what he’s doing then I would suit myself.

Original poster
Shiny88 · 16/12/2023 23:03

@Minglingpringle yeah it does bother me cause I want to sleep as I have a full on day tomorrow with kids activities and I'm grouchy when I'm tired 😂

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 16/12/2023 23:04

Is this the first time he's done this sort of thing? Or is it ongoing, every time he goes out?

CandyLeBonBon · 16/12/2023 23:04

Shiny88 · 16/12/2023 23:03

@Minglingpringle yeah it does bother me cause I want to sleep as I have a full on day tomorrow with kids activities and I'm grouchy when I'm tired 😂

Go to bed op

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 16/12/2023 23:07

Weird he doesnt have a key. That you dont have a spare.

text him to say youre going to bed.

YourNameGoesHere · 16/12/2023 23:07

Don't your inlaws have a spare key? I find it baffling that you've only got 2 keys and that the dog walker doesn't have a spare to use.

For now I'd text him and say you're locking up and he will either have to stay at a friends or with his dad but tomorrow I'd make it a priority to get an extra key cut.

UsingChangeofName · 16/12/2023 23:10

"Men" don't do this.

If your dh does, then it is your dh that does, not 1/2 the adult population.

Original poster
Shiny88 · 16/12/2023 23:12

Thanks for the replies.
I will message and lock up.
And re the key situation.
We don't have the best relationships with family so no they don't have a spare key and our spare key I gave to the dog Walker /she's a friend just for today as we don't usually need a dog Walker and this is the first time we have used one. Otherwise she would defo have one cut for herself 😂

OP posts:
OuiOuiMonAmiJeMappelleLafayette · 16/12/2023 23:33

If it's a one off then it's just bad planning and I'd try not be pissed off.. though I can see why you would be!

With us, we usually take a key (very rarely expect to be picked up but not impossible as kids are teens so can leave them). Sometimes we're both forgetful so message each other 'did you remember your key' and if not would leave one in a safe place. If I got no reply I would send a message saying phone is on DND, don't call me unless you need to, I'm going to sleep. We both know that DND means you have to ring 3 times for the phone to actually ring and not be silent.

DiegosMomHasGotItGoingOn · 16/12/2023 23:40

Put your phone on loud and go to bed, if he is locked out he can phone you.

Oblomov23 · 16/12/2023 23:55

We don't have this issue. Because we've never been in this situation. But if I was, it wouldn't even be an issue, no anger towards Dh, Because I'd just tuck a door key under the front doormat and go to bed.

SgtJuneAckland · 16/12/2023 23:59

This makes me think there are too many keys to our house, I have one, DH has one, ndn has one, my parents, DHs parents, we also have one just as a spare. DH took that one on his work do last night and left his bunch with car keys at home.

You need more keys.

SecondUsername4me · 17/12/2023 00:07

Why couldn't the dog walker have just posted the key back through the door when she locked up?

jemenfous37 · 17/12/2023 00:37

Why is Walker capitalised?

Original poster
Shiny88 · 17/12/2023 08:45

jemenfous37 · 17/12/2023 00:37

Why is Walker capitalised?

My auto correct for some reason

OP posts:
jemenfous37 · 17/12/2023 08:50

@Shiny88 Ah! 😃

FrenchandSaunders · 17/12/2023 08:56

I leave a key hidden for my DD.

Marwoodsbigbreak · 17/12/2023 09:08

I don’t understand why you don’t have a spare key and dog walker had DHs.

Depending on safety, most people would hide a key or just message him saying he will have to stay out. It’s nbd surely?

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