To be surprised at being called ‘selfish’ here?

[FatOldBitch]

I am newly pregnant and having a very anxious time due to a previous late loss.

I have a prescription for sertraline but have so far not taken it as, although things aren’t easy, I feel I am getting by OK without it at present.

My psychologist however has told me I am ‘selfish’ not to take it. I found this perspective surprising as my reasoning had been the exact opposite in that I was putting my unborn baby before myself. The doctor who prescribed it said that, although any risks are thought to be very minimal, she couldn’t promise they were actually zero. She left me the prescription and agreed I’d fill it if I felt it necessary.

Yet my psychologist is concerned about the effect of my anxiety on my 3.5 year-old. This wasn’t something I’d thought very significant if I’m honest. Said anxiety mainly manifests as frequent rushes to the bathroom with heart-racing to check for bleeding. I’m not sure that’s really affecting him?

It also feels quite belittling as an adult to be called ‘selfish’ to my face. ‘Have you considered the effect this may be having on your DS?’ would surely have been a better way to raise this and open a discussion about it. AIBU?

I think they think there is more risk to the foetus if the mother is very anxious than the risk of taking sertraline.

Depends on how it was said. If you said you thought it would be selfish to take it because of the baby, and they replied that it could be just as selfish to your 3.5 year old to not, they may have just been trying to give balance.
I think the word selfish applied to you is inappropriate though, whoever instigates it. You are clearly anything but, as your thoughts are entirely with your children and are trying to make a tough choice that has no guaranteed 'right" answer. The doctor should have said that unfortunately there could be negative effects on others either way, and its your choice which risk to take.
If you have a supportive and present partner, then perhaps the answer is to ask them to monitor you while off the meds with the thought you will go back on if there is an impact on your oldest that can't be compensated for by their support.

Saying you are selfish is an extremely tactless way to phrase it. It must be incredibly stressful for you.

But it does sound as if you are very much minimising the anxiety and the impact of it on your family. As others have pointed out the impact on your existing child is likely to be significant.

I can’t tell you what to do: only you can do that. But I do think you may be overstating the sertraline risk and minimising the effect of your anxiety.

Just to offer a correction: ssri's are 40-60% effective in moderate to severe depression; not shown to have much effect on mild depression.
Often talk therapy in addition to medication are combined for best outcomes.

A psychologist isn't medically trained to even make that call, and is completely out of order calling you names.

Good spot. I mixed the two of them up.

At 3.5 your child will pick up on a change of behaviour, it's whether they view the change as just a change or something to be concerned about. Only you will know that as ifs child dependent.

Personally I would take the pills, doesn't the heart racing manifest itself in a physical symptom such as increased blood pressure?

this sounds poor from your psychologist. If one of the risks is a pph, and you’ve had that before, then at the level of anxiety symptoms you describe, I’d want an obstetricians view before taking it honestly.