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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how many friends you have

94 replies

Wastedisposal7 · 16/12/2023 20:44

I only have around 5 would like more.

OP posts:
thedamnseason · 16/12/2023 23:02

5/6 people I could call and they'd be there no question.
Then other friends I like spending time with but not ride or die. Dunno, 10 ish then their partners too.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 16/12/2023 23:04

Thai jail - two, but one of those lives quite a long way off. Others about ten. I don’t have a “friendship group” though, mine would only know one another through me, they aren’t connected to each other really.

Lovedthosechips · 16/12/2023 23:06

It’s not a fixed thing for anyone. My parents still make friends and I plan to keep adding when I find good people.

I have two old and amazing friends who are like my other halves. I have another 10 who I meet with regularly and keep in contact with and who are by any measure good friends. Three from this group have died, one drifted away but they are all amazing.

Have others I could have a drink with - colleagues who I am close to. I have a small family so invest in friends.

Goldiex · 16/12/2023 23:08

One. My brother. Could trust him with my life. I have a good girl friend but since shes gotten into a relationship, she's disappeared into thin air.. i only hear from her when she needs something now.

mollyfolk · 16/12/2023 23:16

I probably have 3 Thai jail friendships. They are from years back. I have about 10 other people I could text to go for a drink with or confide in and dozens that are part of wider groups like my book club, colleagues and this exercise class I go to but have blossomed into doing other things with but always as part of the group if that makes sense. With a fragmented family my friends are important to me.

OuiOuiMonAmiJeMappelleLafayette · 16/12/2023 23:24

3

Feel kind of sad about that.

1 is pretty reliable, but she does let me down often, she has her own issues and I understand so I forgive her. Plus I know she would be there for if I ever really needed her.

2 I met through number one, she is a good friend but don't feel we've properly clicked. She is lovely but if we meet up as a three and no 1 drops out she's quick to drop out too. But, maybe I should make more effort with her without friend 1 around!

3 is a bit mental and a bit scatty. She basically tells me so much stuff when I meet up with her, I feel like I need to chill out after. But she is a really nice person, is fun and doesn't have a mean bone in her body. She is a bit judgmental about some things, but I think it's her husband's influence and not her.

GlitteryUnicornSparkles · 16/12/2023 23:26

2 or 3.

KissTheRains · 16/12/2023 23:30

I go months without speaking to another adult human. Fine by me.

Bbq1 · 16/12/2023 23:32

Closest friends who have got my back - 2
Friends i could also count on - 4
Friends - 4
Accquaintances/colleagues i chat to - many
My best friends ever are dh, ds and my mum. Close to my sibs too.
I feel very happy and fortunate to have lovely friends and family

RubyWinehouse · 16/12/2023 23:38

I have lots of close friends from previous jobs and my school days, I'm in regular contact with 2 in particular, but also chat to the other 4 or 5 too. My best friend died in 2015, and I moved out of our area a few years later, so don't really see any friends face to face much, doesn't really matter though as its so easy to stay in contact via social media.

DelilahBucket · 16/12/2023 23:39

5 I could absolutely count on in an emergency. Another 8 I see regularly. Then there's others who I consider to be friends but not overly close, would invite them to large parties that sort of thing, probably pushing a hundred. I am active in a lot of circles and know a heck of a lot of people, granted I wouldn't consider all those I know to be friends.

Chinuplippyon · 17/12/2023 11:18

UsingChangeofName · 16/12/2023 21:40

I think this is part of my diagnosed ADHD in that I find it hard to make and maintain casual or non- closely matched friendships so when I meet a potential friend either we hit it off enough to become inner circle or things fade off with little in between.

This is an interesting idea, as the two of my (now adult) dc who have ADHD diagnoses, are the two who have lots and lots of different friends. If I'm chatting to one of them and they mention going to watch a film / have a curry / going for a drink / any socialising they are going to or have been to, I couldn't predict who they were going with, as they both have so many friends I have no chance of guessing. My other dc (without ADHD) - MUCH more predictable in that they have always had 'fixed' friends in much smaller numbers.

I have inattentive rather than hyperactive ADHD which may be a different presentation to your DC. I find it hard to stay on top of social 'admin' unless really interested which would include building friendships without a real 'spark'.

Mairzydotes · 17/12/2023 11:36

Not many . I would say they are mostly acquaintances. And most of these I only see through certain situations.

Catshaveiteasy · 17/12/2023 11:53

Depends on the definition of a close friend. None I see weekly but that's due to circumstances. Two groups I meet up with several times a year.

Three friends I went to school with, one of whom is in one of the groups above and is my closest friend. Of the other two, I am closer to one than the other.

No one left from university - only keep up with some of them via FB or Christmas cards.

About 4 others I meet with one to one several times a year.

And some whom I see only every few years or haven't seen for a long time as they live far away.

I'd like more local friends - they either moved away or I don't see them now as our kids are no longer in school. But I'm not short of company (DH, family, work colleagues)

But when you get older like me and have years and years of knowing people, you just take up where you left off when you meet. So seeing someone a few times a year with the odd WhatsApp exchange in between doesn't make them seem any less close.

If I was in a Thai jail situation, I wouldn't call any of them except my closest friend, and her only during waking hours. I'd call, in order, my DH, my dad, my brother, my sister/ daughters / sister in law.

Psychoticbreak · 17/12/2023 13:51

5 of the closest friends ever and around the same amount of acqaintances.

Mary46 · 17/12/2023 13:53

Prob 4 max. Maybe its enough. A few have been flaky past while dont commit so kinda let that fizzle. Def more difficult in your 50s having sincere people.

appleberryblast · 17/12/2023 13:58

Real friends I can call upon at all hours, share secrets, laugh, cry, everything - I have 3.

School Mum friends, chat to in person everyday, drinks with, share funny memes, meet up in the holidays - I have probably a dozen.

Work friends - around 8.

Friends I used to work with, DHs friends wives, hobby friends etc.. around 5.

Midnightstar76 · 17/12/2023 14:08

None OP. It does bother me at times, especially the other day, I was chatting away to my DD and she suddenly asked why I don’t have friends. I said I know but I am okay, happy and content just sad when I am aware crikey I have no friends. Work colleagues and family but have never had friends since I left uni back in 1999. I also replied it’s important to try and keep your connections as you don’t want to be like me.

koolio · 17/12/2023 14:10

6 close friends and probably about 10 in total. Happy with that.

Mary46 · 17/12/2023 14:12

Not easy midnight. My friend in a choir met loads that way. I met a few through walking still see one lady.

BurbageBrook · 17/12/2023 15:59

I'd say two really close friends I can rely on. Two fairly close friends. And then a bunch of mates.

IBegYourBiggestPardon · 17/12/2023 16:09

None

eandz13 · 17/12/2023 16:19

Best friends - 2 (they're also my relatives so I don't know if that counts!)
Close friends - 3
Friends that I rarely see any more due to naturally drifting apart as adults but will always hold dear to my heart - 4.

I've never really thought about it til now, I'm very lucky as they're all absolutely solid people.

Surlyburd · 17/12/2023 16:21

I have 3 separate friendship groups, totalling 7

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 17/12/2023 21:06

About 20. I make the effort to keep in touch with everyone and I live in the same city I grew up in which helps