To ask what your lightbulb 💡 epiphany moment was?

[DelusionalBrilliance]

In regards to anything, as long as it was big or life changing! A moment where something suddenly hit you and made a realisation, something that forced you to make changes or think about it differently?

Today I got talking with a few friends and they had all had at least one of these moments and it dawned on me I’d never actually had a life changing thunder clap of a moment where something clicked, either I’m boring or dead inside I think.

YANBU - I’ve never had one either
YABU - I’ve had them / several

Being truly happy is a by-product of achievement.

1. You decide to do something.

2.You work at it and complete it or at least something. 3.You feel pleased.

My ex H was violent. I separated from him and bought my own flat. But I began to have a wobble about going back to him (like many abusers he could be very charming and very loving until the mist came down).

So, one weekend, I was sitting in my living room having an after lunch doze. Lovely summer's day so the back door was open, gentle breeze and my cat sitting on my lap. I remember thinking 'this is so nice'...and then I realised why. Because I wasn't listening for his key in the door or footsteps in the hall. I wasn't trying, in those brief moments, to work out his 'mood'. I didn't leap up to look busy ('lazing about' was one of his moans that moved into a trigger).

That's when I decided the separation had to move to divorce. And it did.

Now I'm married to a lovely man who, if I'm sitting down when he comes home will say 'want a cup of tea?' as he goes to hang his coat up. A normal, steady man and I now look forward to hearing a key in the door or footsteps in hall.

My DD7 had been diagnosed with cancer. I was all over the place obviously, my brain was in overdrive and my fear was overwhelming. Suddenly the idea popped into my head: we are in God’s hands. I just had to do what the doctors told me re her meds and monitoring her condition, the rest was out of my control, so I could stop dwelling on it. So that’s what I did.

She’s now 31 and a doctor herself.

I’m not religious, though I had a religious upbringing. But man, that thought was what got me through those terrible years.

I was watching something the other day and saw someone write the % sign, I suddenly realised it's 100 (I'm in my 40s 🙄)

When you "see" things like this, you realise that maths is actually quite beautiful.

I’ve had a few in my life (now 52) and I’m sure one of them was relating to relationships and the other being how people treat you (friends).

For me they were quite literally lightbulb moments as I either hadn’t thought of them before (or had just batted them away) or they hadn’t been relevant at other times of my life.

The poster has said as much in her post, so I don't see the need for the catty comment?

Some people are very, very weird about other people's in law relationships.

I think as a pp said re abusive relationships, that was probably mine too… but I was at an age where I thought I should be settled down and married at an “old” 27 (!) because I was sucked into emotional abuse it was harder to get the lightbulb moment. One day I was at work, on a lunch break and had met the boyfriend and we’d had a good time which probably ended with a scrappy silly argument. We both worked near a major London station and I’d seen two children scrapping whilst waiting for a train and their DM was sorting it out, the lightbulb was literally me and the boyfriend are scrapping at our ages whilst the kids were doing similar nearby (don’t think the kids saw) and I thought this is pathetic! (But I still stayed with him for another year or two).

One evening I thought it was about 10.00pm but when I checked it was actually 12.00am.

I suddenly thought that this his how your life can slip away if you are not paying attention. Now I try to remind myself every morning to try to make the most of each day.

When grieving the death of my sister I was severely depressed and it was only when I saw a psychiatrist and she explained the 5 stages of grief that I got where I was and where I needed to be. That it was ok to feel guilty and angry and that I could get out the other side.

Friendships - year of being bullied as a kid throughout primary and high school I turned up at University and decided to just be myself and not try and please people. Turned into having more friends than ever before.
Later in life it is letting go of friends who either you don't get along with anymore or know they don't really want to see you. I don't have the time or energy and cannot be bothered anymore. I don't chase and if they don't get in contact, I don't bother or mind.

I was in an abusive relationship without really knowing I was. My lightbulb moment was when my partners brother died in a drug related incident, and he started saying that his brothers girlfriend had killed his brother. It was just so wacky and unbelievable that it made me question a lot of other things he was saying to me. It truly was a lightbulb moment and I am now out of that relationship, 14 years and counting! and happily married to my true soulmate who is a wonderful, kind man.

I recently read about rejection sensitive dysphoria, and I realised that times I thought I was unhappy through out my life , I was in fact experiencing that . That explained so much .

Another one is that often the things i think i can't do , is due to lack of confidence ( and sometimes money) .

I was married when I was in my twenties to an awful man. He cheated on me and was violent. Anyway, I finally moved out but he kept coming over and we were sort of on and off. One day, I was in my flat, by myself, and I thought ‘that’s it, I’m filing for divorce’. He hadn’t actually done anything wrong for a couple of weeks but I’d just reached the end of my tether. I immediately downloaded the paperwork from wikivorce and we were officially divorced 5 months later. I’ve never been more relieved in my life.

My DH now is the most lovely kind man I’ve ever met and I’m so happy I finally had that epiphany ❤️

That I was being an absolute bitch to my husband. Not that he knew - I was just feeling really resentful towards him.

for about 12 months I was thinking of leaving. I would see what everyone else put on social media of their ‘perfect life and husband’ - the holidays, flashy gifts, the declarations of love. I felt we didn’t have any of that and it must mean our marriage was doomed.
one morning it was a frost and I went out to go to work and he had defrosted my car before he left for work. When I went back in to get my bag there was my lunch made and even my water bottle filled.

driving to work it hit me that these were his declarations of love I had just become used to them. I was so upset and ashamed of myself

@RosesAndHellebores

I am really glad, delighted your " wise soul of a daughter at such a young age,"
made you realise that revelation epiphany moment about your Awful 😖 Narastistic mother....

there's even books out there on the Internet and interesting Talks by inspiring speakers on youtube about healing from Narastistic abusive mothers parents or family member ect...

It's one of the hot topics personality disorders how 🤔 to spot the signs , how to grey rock them ect..

Three little words - 'move your car' - so insignificant by themselves but a literal thunderclap moment that my marriage was over, my (now) ex had zero consideration for me or the dc, and expected 100% for us to bow to his every demand.

(my car was on the drive, after a 180 mile journey after which I'd lifted the kids straight into their beds. He returned from work and roared at me to move my car as it was in 'his' spot and he couldn't possibly be expected to park his nothing-special car on the road).

Being in an emotionally abusive relationship age 17 and not recognising it because I thought abuse was only physical abuse. My nan said to my mum 'you've lost her' which she told me. And internally I replied no you haven't. And I got myself out of the relationship.

One little light bulb moment was after my beautiful aunt died suddenly and I tried to access grief counselling. The woman asked me to do an ocd test, and I scoffed at her but did it anyway. I scored excellently high on it, and suddenly realised that I’m not weird, it was ocd which led to cbt and becoming closer to normal.

Similarly, learning about adhd because of DD who I believe has it. Another light bulb moment, as I realised I again ticked all the boxes and I’m not shit at adulting/mothering, I’m just wired up differently. Currently awaiting diagnosis, but have stopped beating myself up for being shit at everything, and have started to put in place strategies that will help for me and understanding myself better.

The final one is realising that actually, I can do whatever I want. I’m not automatically shit at everything, I don’t have to please everyone and I can just believe in myself. This one is a massive work in progress, but I’m off ads and my anxiety is in check, and I’m doing alright.

I’ve realised that all my little light bulb moments are all about mh and I sound pretty self absorbed. I’m not, it’s just shitty mh that I’ve hidden from myself for 30 years and believing my own narrative that I suck as a person is finally ending!

Mine happened during lockdown.

I realised that so many of them things I spent my time and money on doing we're actually not what I wanted to do at all. I somehow had felt that I 'needed' to see films, go to the theatre, exhibitions, restaurants, etc, and at least some of the time, I wasn't enjoying the experiences.

Lockdown meant I had to stop and spend time at home. I realised that I much prefer reading, going for walks, gardening, cooking etc, so those are now how I spend my free time. Plus, I'm part way through an Open University degree in a completely new field for me.

Lockdown also helped me see how demanding my mother was for my time and energy. I realised that I don't actually have to see family, I don't owe them my time. When lockdown ended, I didn't immediately return to allowing her so much time and control. I still see her, and quite often compared with other families I know, but not as often. And I won't go on holiday with her again as I always hated doing that. (She basically treated me as her unpaid tour organiser, guide and maid!) It made her very angry for a while, but we're getting there now, I think. And I'm so much happier, calmer, and am wasting less money!

When I was in my teens, I realised that job interviews are a two-way deal - they are interviewing you, but you are also interviewing them to see if you like them enough to work there. It completely stopped me being nervous at interviews.

I think the expression 'never make someone a priority, when you are just an afterthought' is a real biggie.

It took a long time to realise that many people be it friendships or occasionally relationships are very much 'users' - they want someone in their life to pass the time with,or share expenses with and to say they have 'friends' - but they don't need or require much depth to those friendships/relationships. I guess we are all different but I like to think with any friend they would be willing to help you as much as they could if absolutely needed.

I do think there should be more emphasis on this right from the beginning in maths. What are you trying to achieve and what do the symbols mean (like the divide sign elsewhere in this thread).

I remember Stephen Fry explaining that a sum is really just balancing one side against the other, so equals just means that side has to be balanced with the other. It seems perfectly obvious but I don't think I was ever actually taught it in that kind of way. It would have made things so much easier as I think I find things in the abstract (using symbols) much harder than when they are made more concrete.

I have another - for years by sibling was the absentee yet golden child - my mum would literally jump to help them out (despite them having a partner, good jobs with plenty of money to resolve just about every situation they managed to get themselves in),whilst I was expected to take the flak whilst also working ft with 2 dc, single parent etc etc.

When my mum died lots of resentment built up - again I was expected to manage EVERYTHING yet the one, singie thing I asked my sibling to do was met with an utterly useless excuse. Mum would be so so upset.

I hope that one day you’ll realise that adults aren’t meant to survive alone and that your mum isn’t very nice.