Co sleeping dilemma

[smellmel22]

I'm after opinions from people who have done this and how it ended up.

Dc1 was a great sleeper. In his own room at 8 months old. Rarely needed to come in with me unless sick. And always went back in his own bed without issue. We had a few blips along the way with regressions when he was tiny but he was always great at independent sleeping and now at tween age he's still brilliant.

Dd2 is another story. She's now 2 and has never slept in her own room. She just hated it. Consequently she has a small cot bed in our room which she will drop off in but 95% of the time she wakes up in the middle of the night and gets in our bed. This is ok but she wriggles a lot and we tend to have broken sleep but I've always been of the opinion that no kids are the same and some need that contact at night more than others. Happy to do it.

However I'm wondering if I'm making issues for her later on. She seems to always need to be touching me when she's in our bed, either rubbing my arm or pulling my hair or hand down my top! It's like she needs that reassurance that I'm there. Will she always need this? Is she going to struggle to sleep independently when she's a bit older? Am I doing her no favours by allowing this? I only doubt myself because of how good my first dc was and he never did any of this. It's obviously benefited him (and us) to be an independent sleeper from early on.

So if you co slept did your kids ever manage to sleep alone without issues? If so, when? And was it a struggle to make the transition into their own room? This can't continue forever as she'll soon need a bigger bed which won't fit in our room. Unsure what to do for the best.

Bump

Hey, my daughter just turned 3 and coslept. She had a double floor bed in her room for a while as a transition out of it and we’d go in to her when she woke and often fall asleep. She got a single bed at about 2 years 9 months maybe? She likes it but does wake usually once or twice a night and often wants milk or to be cuddled back to sleep.

My DD is five and we coslept until she was two. For some time after that she came into me regularly in the night, but now she sleeps through in her own room almost all the time (I think coming into parents is fairly common so the odd visit doesn’t both me).

The transition was quite hard work for a few weeks, but it did work well in the end.

Pampering

Surely putting her into bed when she doesn't want to be there alone is logically more likely to cause problems in the future than letting her cuddle you at night? Don't overthink it OP just go with what works for you both.

Single mum and did this for years with my DS. We both loved it. When he was about 6 he decided that he wanted his own bed. I would then put him to bed with a cuddle and some reading, he'd chill on his own for a bit, turn his own light out and sleep for 11 hours straight. Every time. Still does. I have absolutely no regrets.

Ds slept in our bed till he was 4ish. At that point he was too big and wriggle and no-one was getting any sleep. We started by making a little bed on a cot mattress beside our bed and if he woke in the night he could get in there. We always put a hot water bottle in it so it was warm when he got in. He wasn't massively happy but it wasn't too painful. I had to lean over and hold his hand a few times He still climbed in as soon as dh got up for work and if one of us was away overnight. He's 10 now and sleeps fine on his own. But he still likes getting in for a cuddle in the morning. I'll be sad when he stops.

If I was doing it again I'd get a super king size bed and just let him carry on until he was ready to stop. But we didn't have a big enough room.

Both my kids were free to sleep with me when they needed. It went from going to sleep in the same bed, to sleeping in their bed with me coming in if they needed it, to then coming to my bed when they wanted to. At 6 they would still come in occasionally but not often, by 8 they were completely done. They both reached a point where they got fed up of being squished!

I'd just do whatever it takes to get it to stop if you want it to.

I've only once let my DD get into bed once with us when there were loads of cousins in one room and DD3 didn't really fit. Otherwise it's back to bed, young lady.

My DC1 is super sensitive and needed to co sleep from 6 weeks until around 2. He’s 3 now and happily sleeps in his own bed on his own room. I don’t regret it. It worked for the time we needed it to

Thank you this is reassuring. I don't have a problem with it. I'd probably get more sleep if she wasn't there but if she needs to be with us for a bit longer I absolutely don't mind. I just worry that she will be like this for a lot longer and when we don't have a choice but to move her (I.e when she outgrows the cot bed) it's going to be very distressing for her. As a pp said i suppose one of us could go in with her until she's comfortable.

And to the pp who said 'pampering' - I don't think supporting my small child when she needs it is pampering, surely it's just meeting their needs. Either way im quite happy to pamper her that's what she's here for.

So you don’t have any experience of co-sleeping? 😂

This is my situation, word for word!
Currently laid in bed cuddling my 2.7 year old to sleep because she has to be touching me.
So different to her big sister who has slept alone with no issues since 5 months old!
I honestly don't mind her sleeping in our bed (especially since she's our last baby) but I do feel the pressure to move her into her own room!

I did when they were ~1 year but after that I didn't want to cope with the crappy sleep anymore 🤣 Should have mentioned that in my previous post, ha!

Same here! Eldest was ok on her own until she was about 2 and a half she became anxious (we assume it was to do with pregnancy) she ended up sleeping with DH a lot and then went back to her own bed no issues.

Youngest DD is 10 months and sleeps with me, always has. I'm not really bothered about it and when she's older I'm sure she will tell me when she doesn't want to.

Luckily both my kids sleep like dead weights. I'm such a light sleeper! Me and DH have separate beds because he snores, so it suits us fine. If we wanted to share a bed I imagine it would become a problem.

She absolutely will grow out of it eventually. That doesn’t mean you can’t try to gently ease her towards greater independence, but you don’t need to worry about creating issues if you’re happy to continue for now. They get there eventually.

As long as it's safe co-sleeping (lullaby trust): Enjoy :)

Currently co sleeping with 1y old. 15y old co slept until her 5th birthday whereby she announced she was 'a big girl now' - she never looked back. 12y old was 6y then lots of back/forth, bed next to ours, bribes to start the night in his bed etc hen own room (always had bed ready) - lasted few years half/half. Still comes to sit on weekend mornings for chats; it's lovely.

You will not be storing up problems in my experience - I have 9 children - eldest 22 and youngest just 3. They've all Co slept with me and left at the ages of (in order) 3, 2, 5, 3, 3, 4.5, 4, 3 and you get shares with me still as yet. The rest all have no problems sleeping alone and one has left home without needing me to tuck him in! 🤣

My mum co-slept with me until my brother was born (2) and then co-slept with him till he was 4. We are both normal adults with great attachments, no problems independently sleeping or issues in general.

I now cosleep with my 8 month old. If you are all getting sleep I think that's what matters, and it's nice that you can give her that reassurance :)

Dd12 coslept with me until 3, then went easily into her own bed. No issues now.

This isn't what you want to hear but dd2 is 8.5 and given the choice likes to be touching someone All The Time. She can't even sit on the settee watching tv on her own.

She's got a double bed now so when she wakes up in the night we can get in with her. She doesn't stop moving in her sleep, she drives me mad in our bed.

It’s fairly well documented that babies should not be in a bed with parents due to safety. Although she’s got her own bed in your room. I would also be concerned about the sleep deprivation of parents too and lack of privacy at night. Did you sign up for this disturbance when you were pregnant, or did it never occur to you? I certainly never gave sleeping with dc a thought! DD2 wanted to but we did move her at around 6 months. For me, I didn’t want someone else, even a child, in my bedroom. Everyone is different but I’d start to make plans to take her shopping and choose favourite things for her own room. Gradually introduce the idea that she’s got a special place. Cuddles before bedtime. Not all night.

She's only just 2 so I'm not sure how interested she'd be in shopping. I didn't sign up for it no, but we don't get to cherry pick our children. As I said my eldest was very independent and never needed this level of support at night time. The youngest is very different.

The alternative would be to put her in her own room and ignore her when she starts screaming in the middle of the night which doesn't sound great.

I do know it isn't ideal but I can tolerate it for a few years if it helps her. I just worry beyond that.,