If you used to worry about the future and now don’t, what changed?

[bor]

I need to be more present but I am not - I just worry about the future, mainly having enough money etc to provide our family with the same upbringing I had. It’s not something I need to be hugely concerned over, we have two full time okay incomes & plenty of family that would help if times got dire. We aren’t on the breadline and recognise it’s fortunate to not be.

How do I achieve a present mindset and just live for the day? If you used to be like me but now you’re more chilled about things, what changed your outlook? Thanks.

Age. The older we become, the less I worry. Kids becoming independent is a big milestone too.

I wouldn't recommend it and am sure more useful people will be along but for me it was when a period of terrible things happened. It taught me that you simply cannot worry about unexpected things happening, that crap happens regardless of your best efforts and that your concerns are relatively small in the scheme of things.

Now I try to fully consider every choice I'm presented with, and to make small steps of progress towards the future I want, but am content.

A friend had counselling for something similar and said that the thing that helped her was her therapist asking 'how many of the things you worry about every day actually happen?' and she realised the answer was 'hardly any of them' so what a waste of time all that anxiety was.

Because worry changes nothing. It's just spinning wheels.

Knowing I had done everything in my control to provide a stable future - including taking action to take care of my MH, leaving a stressful job and incorporating a better work life balance. Once that's done you have to roll with the punches.

Admittedly I am financially better off than my parents ever were and DD has always had a better standard of living tha I did. I guess if you grew up affluent it's harder to reach the same lifestyle you grew up with nowadays.

Also, I stopped watching the news during COVID. I read articles and know roughly what's going on in the world but I can't change any of it so borrowing someone else's worry does nobody any good and that improved my life alot.

Does your worry about not providing the same level of upbringing you had have good grounds? If so, what differences in lifestyle are you talking here?

It's funny, I'm the same but I think it's because I basically don't care anymore (which I know is not a good thing)

I agree with others age has helped , I've handled everything that 50 years of life had thrown at me so mostly trust myself to manage things.
My kids have grown up also helped .

Also as a previous poster said when something awful and unexpected happens, my children's father died unexpectedly ,you realise you don't have much control over life so why worry .

Worrying about tomorrow takes away today's peace. Simples! And besides no one can predict the future.

Being 53. I've been through so much that not a lot phases me anymore

Parents had a 4 bed detached house on similar salaries and we only have a two up two down. Abroad holidays x2 a year were easily possible even with DM working more part time. Obviously everything is more expensive now so that’s harder to achieve. I feel like the thread on here about standard of living slipping the other day summed it up 100% for me!

Definitely getting older for me has changed my outlook. I just want to enjoy how ever many years I've got left, not spend that time worrying about what usually turns out to be insignificant stuff anyway. I've long since learnt that worrying about something doesn't change the outcome, but tackling it head on does. I know that's not always possible but deal with whatever it is and move on.

Age partly. Time helps as in the older you get the more you’ve experienced and survived. Realising that yourself is the only person that can help yourself, no one can do everything for you, they can offer help, but it’s up to you to act on it. (Except in extreme medical circumstances and then I won’t be in a position to worry anyway).

I like this mantra

My heart went into a funny electrical rhythm whilst I was washing my dishes one mundane Sunday evening, and I nearly died in my kitchen. I had 2 emergency heart procedures to save my life, which left me permanently disabled.

You don't know if tomorrow will be there. Squeeze your children extra tight every time, tell people you love them, and eat the cake. Nobody has ever laid on their death bed and said "I wish I hugged people less/was slimmer/had more money". I said "I hope my daughter knows how much I love her, she's my everything".

Don't live to work, work to live. Work the bare minimum that you can get away with, and enjoy time with your loved ones, because that's all what truly matters in this life.

As pps have said, I realised that of all the scenarios I spent time worrying about, none of them ever happened. Other stuff does and will happen though, and every time I figure out how to get through it. I know at some point some very devastating stuff will happen, because that's just life, but I don't know what it will be and no longer want to spend time getting upset about maybes.

I agree with PP, I am in my early 50’s now, and have always be a worrier, in fact I come from a long line of worriers! But I worry much less now, there is no point worrying about things that I can’t change. DH is a very positive person, and refuses to worry about anything so that helps. Also I live with a disability MS, stress is bad for my condition, so that is another good reason to check my worries in check.

Age. By my mid-30s, I realised that worrying was pointless, and to just take life as it comes. If problems come up, just deal with them as and when. I also gained a huge amount of perspective and stopped, in the main, caring what others think.

I think I worry more now I am older, but I know that most of the things I worry about I have absolutely no control over so it's a pointless exercise (still do it though). I think I worry for other people more now. I am also aware (from life experience) that the thing that probably will come and bite you in the bum will be something you hadn't even thought about.

Terminal diagnosis of a relative makes you appreciate the shortness of life

I worry less about the future.

What changed is that I have plans and back up plans.

I like plans.

You can probably tell.

I did get referred for CBT for anxiety but as they explained to me, you are worrying about things that actually happen on a regular basis so CBT won't help.

Apparently CBT helps if you are mostly worry about stuff that doesn't happen because they get you to compare your worries to realists and you realise you don't need to worry.

I am disabled and in pain and often can't walk and I worry about getting stuck places on my own.

So my plans are mostly around eg don't walk too far from the car, build in regular coffee stops if shopping, carry spare wheelchair batteries etc.

In your case, your children do not know that you had a materially better upbringing. In my experience what children want is love and attention so if they have that and your house isn't a complete shithole they'll be fine.

• I stopped reading newspapers. Instead, I read books - especially the classics, which take me out of the time and place in which I live (I never read contemporary fiction).
• I massively cut down on screen time. I mean by about 90%. Now, I very rarely watch TV (which is mostly woke garbage anyway), and when I do it’s a classic film or a boxset.
• I meditate every day. It isn’t easy, but it really works. I’d urge you try Mark Williams, especially his body scan. You can listen to him on YouTube.

That helps a bit. Truth is, we’re right to worry about the future. My mother is ageing, and sooner or later she’ll die a hideous, messy death involving lots of suffering, both for her and for me and my sister. Nothing I can do but endure it. Then there is debt, work problems, my own deteriorating body, loneliness and poverty in old age. Beyond my own personal problems, there’s overpopulation, mass migration, climate change, nuclear weapons, etc. Plus, of course, the threat of random, unforseen stuff, like cancer, a loved one being hit by a drunk driver, another pandemic, you name it. Bertrand Russell said that the secret to happiness is face the fact that life’s horrible, horrible, horrible.

Yes this is exactly it. After a few catastrophic incidents you learn that it's not the things you've been worrying about that are the big problems in your life. It's the stuff you never could have imagined that gets you.

Yep, age. Every day that goes by, I have fewer fucks to give 😊

Starting anti-depressants (Sertraline), totally life changing, made me so much more relaxed and able to be ‘in the moment’

'My mother is ageing, and sooner or later she’ll die a hideous, messy death involving lots of suffering, both for her and for me and my sister.'

My mother was a heavy drinker and I used to lie awake at night worrying about how we would care for her when she gets older, would she have to move in with me, would I be capable of doing personal care for my own mother. Then, she went to work one day, collapsed and died of a brain haemorrhage. I spent all that time worrying about the future and never even considered I should have been worrying about a future without her in it at all.