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Original poster

My SEN child (17 yrs) has been accused of SA

38 replies

Whathappensnext23 · 15/12/2023 11:55

Hi, can anyone help? I really need to know what is likely to happen next.

My child has been at FE college since September but has dropped out as it really wasn't working for them.

A member of staff from the college told me that another learner ( with 'issues' but no SEN from what was said) has made a report to the police that my child 'touched them sexually without consent' whilst at college.

The member of staff from college said it was 'one word against another' but I assume the police will have to investigate?

I haven't said anything to my child, they are vulnerable and have SEN and poor mental health.

I'm not here to debate what did or didn't happen, I just want to know what's likely to happen and when?

TIA

OP posts:
FriedasCarLoad · 15/12/2023 11:58

Honestly, I don't know. But I feel feel for you and wanted to bump the post in the hope that someone better informed sees it.

Buttercup176 · 15/12/2023 12:03

Surely the police would contact him, not the college contacting you?

Without any information it’s so hard to say, you just have to be there to support your child and trust that the police will do their job to prove or disprove correctly.

EstherE · 15/12/2023 12:04

Is the SEN relevant?

Original poster
Whathappensnext23 · 15/12/2023 12:24

Apparently the other learner told the college and reported it to the police.

The SEN is relevant in that it can make them impulsive and not very good at peer relations. They also have very poor mental health ATM.

OP posts:
x2boys · 15/12/2023 12:30

I don't think anyone can tell.you what will.happen if your child is charged you need to get proper legal.adice particularly regarding the SEN ,and how it affects them.

CaroleSinger · 15/12/2023 13:21

Is the 'they/them' business really necessary in this context?

BillyMurphysFace · 15/12/2023 13:33

CaroleSinger · 15/12/2023 13:21

Is the 'they/them' business really necessary in this context?

Perhaps OP just wants to be as anonymous as possible considering the sensitive nature and context. Why be so inflammatory?

Octavia64 · 15/12/2023 13:35

Hi OP

I used to teach in a secondary school that had a lot of students with SEND.

It can be very difficult when they hit puberty as they want to start relationships and they have some motivation to get involved with other students in a sexual way but depending on the SEND they can do this in very inappropriate ways.

This is fairly common for students with SEND.

Depending on what the "inappropriate touching" was, the police may or may not be interested.

So if he or she raped someone they will investigate and possible take it further; if he or she said to someone "I really like you" and then touched their bum/breasts/etc then the police are likely to take the view that the school/college can deal with it.

Either way he is a minor, and it is likely that he is vulnerable because of his send so if the police do get involved he would be able to have parents/an appropriate adult with him.

Leaving that aside, I would suggest you start strongly reinforcing to him that he is only allowed to touch other people if the other person agrees.

The cup of tea consent video may be useful.

(On Google)

EstherE · 15/12/2023 13:39

Realistically unless there’s evidence nothing will happen except perhaps a visit. I would discuss it with your child and try to find the truth of the matter. It’s also an opportunity to discuss consent, relationships and why and how to avoid people with “issues.”

ManateeFair · 15/12/2023 13:53

It will be up to the police whether they take it further, so nobody can tell you whether they will or won't do that - but if the police do follow it up, your child will have to have you or another 'appropriate adult' present for any questioning because they're under 18 (and even if they were over 18, if their SEN issues are significant enough that they don't have the capacity to process what's being said to them).

I would also suggest having a solicitor present for any interview, even if it's a voluntary one and your child isn't under arrest.

There's some good advice here for young people on what their rights and what they should/shouldn't do if suspected of a crime. https://knowmyrights.org.uk/voluntary-interviews#:~:text=This%20is%20a%20serious%20interview,to%20speak%20to%20a%20solicitor.

Know My Rights - Voluntary Interviews

https://knowmyrights.org.uk/voluntary-interviews#:~:text=This%20is%20a%20serious%20interview,to%20speak%20to%20a%20solicitor.

manipulatrice · 15/12/2023 13:54

Your child will be spoken to by police, usually with SA it will be under caution and I should imagine he will be invited in for a voluntary interview.

Due to his age and additional needs he will have an appropriate adult for this and he has the right to a solicitor free of charge, please take this option as well.

The police will then ask him questions based on what they have been told and then it will be based on evidence as to how it proceeds. As it's an indictable offence it will have to go to CPS for a decision.

If there is no evidence/didn't happen it will be no further action, case closed.

Without knowing the exact allegations it's hard to know what the next steps might be, but the above is the usual steps that will occur.

GoonieGang · 15/12/2023 13:55

Whathappensnext23 · 15/12/2023 12:24

Apparently the other learner told the college and reported it to the police.

The SEN is relevant in that it can make them impulsive and not very good at peer relations. They also have very poor mental health ATM.

It sounds like you think it’s something they may have done? If the accuser has contacted the police then I would expect them to make preliminary inquiries at least.
You need to discuss this with your son before the police do. If he admits it then get him a solicitor.

manipulatrice · 15/12/2023 13:58

To add, the police prefer diversionary for juveniles rather than criminal conviction. Therefore they have the ability to refer to various youth support teams for allegations such as this should there be an outcome that warrants it if there is no previous and no safe guarding concerns.

Be aware also that social services will be informed. All children who have contact with police will get a referral which I imagine is also an academic process too.

WaddyDarbucks · 15/12/2023 14:08

This reply has been deleted

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Sirzy · 15/12/2023 14:10

What official further action is taken will depend on the nature of the allegations and what the college and police decide to do next.

however I don’t think not talking to him about it is going to help. Whatever happened or happens next a conversation about boundaries is sensible.

littlemousebigcheese · 15/12/2023 14:13

As someone with ADHD and significant mental health issues, I am concerned at the slippery slope here in almost justifying/excusing the sexual assault that might have taken place.
I have never sexually assaulted anyone and neither have other people I know with SEND so I feel frustrated that this is used as a qualifier in this context.
Talk to your son about consent, the cup of tea video is great.
The police are unlikely to do much here, they may want to talk to you all and impress the importance of consent and that sexual assault is a crime. I would take it seriously as this can escalate

rainbowunicorn · 15/12/2023 14:16

Why have we got posters referring to the posters child as He / him / son?
The OP never mentioned the sex of her child. Girls can be accused of sexual assault as well.

KatBurglar · 15/12/2023 14:23

Have a chat with your child to get their interpretation of what happened. What they thought they were doing and what the child experienced may ber very different indeed.

The poor child who was assaulted needs support and help. The SEN boy who sexually assaulted my child in high school maintained hge did nothing wrong. Getting people to acknowledge that the perpetrators intent was irrelevent was hard work... what mattered was what was done to my child.

I wished the parents of the boy concerned no ill will, but I had to fight tooth and nail to keep my child safe from actions their boy thought was 'nothing really.'

Mrsttcno1 · 15/12/2023 14:33

manipulatrice · 15/12/2023 13:54

Your child will be spoken to by police, usually with SA it will be under caution and I should imagine he will be invited in for a voluntary interview.

Due to his age and additional needs he will have an appropriate adult for this and he has the right to a solicitor free of charge, please take this option as well.

The police will then ask him questions based on what they have been told and then it will be based on evidence as to how it proceeds. As it's an indictable offence it will have to go to CPS for a decision.

If there is no evidence/didn't happen it will be no further action, case closed.

Without knowing the exact allegations it's hard to know what the next steps might be, but the above is the usual steps that will occur.

100% this

x2boys · 15/12/2023 14:58

littlemousebigcheese · 15/12/2023 14:13

As someone with ADHD and significant mental health issues, I am concerned at the slippery slope here in almost justifying/excusing the sexual assault that might have taken place.
I have never sexually assaulted anyone and neither have other people I know with SEND so I feel frustrated that this is used as a qualifier in this context.
Talk to your son about consent, the cup of tea video is great.
The police are unlikely to do much here, they may want to talk to you all and impress the importance of consent and that sexual assault is a crime. I would take it seriously as this can escalate

First if all the Op, has never Said wether her child is either male or female and secondly as someone wit ADHD and M H issues you should know the spectrums are huge nobody is justifying or excusing anything as nobody knows what actually happened
There is never an excuse but sometimes depending on how the SEN and mental health issues impact a person it can affect their capacity to understand their actions
Your own diagnoses and how it impacts you has no bearing in anyone else

flyingbytheseatofmyrants · 15/12/2023 15:56

EstherE · 15/12/2023 13:39

Realistically unless there’s evidence nothing will happen except perhaps a visit. I would discuss it with your child and try to find the truth of the matter. It’s also an opportunity to discuss consent, relationships and why and how to avoid people with “issues.”

The other learner's statement, if given to police, would be evidence. There doesn't need to be physical evidence for police to proceed with an investigation

Circe7 · 15/12/2023 16:16

littlemousebigcheese · 15/12/2023 14:13

As someone with ADHD and significant mental health issues, I am concerned at the slippery slope here in almost justifying/excusing the sexual assault that might have taken place.
I have never sexually assaulted anyone and neither have other people I know with SEND so I feel frustrated that this is used as a qualifier in this context.
Talk to your son about consent, the cup of tea video is great.
The police are unlikely to do much here, they may want to talk to you all and impress the importance of consent and that sexual assault is a crime. I would take it seriously as this can escalate

From a legal perspective, whether a person has mental capacity - whether they are “fit to plead” - makes a significant difference to the process followed in court (if it gets that far) and the outcome. Some (not all or even most) people with SEND lack capacity e.g they may not have the ability to understand the concept of consent or sufficient impulse control not to commit an offence. That is clearly very specific to their particular disability.

In a similar way, young children cannot be held criminally liable.

I think there’s a difference between recognising the impact of sexual assault on the victim, which may be the same regardless of who does it, and applying different consequences to perpetrators with disabilities which affect their capacity to commit a criminal offence.

riotlady · 15/12/2023 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Weird comment, it’s a common abbreviation, not exclusive to mumsnet

Fionaville · 15/12/2023 16:36

littlemousebigcheese · 15/12/2023 14:13

As someone with ADHD and significant mental health issues, I am concerned at the slippery slope here in almost justifying/excusing the sexual assault that might have taken place.
I have never sexually assaulted anyone and neither have other people I know with SEND so I feel frustrated that this is used as a qualifier in this context.
Talk to your son about consent, the cup of tea video is great.
The police are unlikely to do much here, they may want to talk to you all and impress the importance of consent and that sexual assault is a crime. I would take it seriously as this can escalate

Wow. It's like you have no comprehension that there are people with much more severe SEN than you. The people in my life with SEN couldn't dream of writing/comprehending as well as you have. Some of the adults have the ability/comprehension of a toddler. It is completely relevant to mention SEN in a lot of instances. It's not about excusing them, but of course it should be considered!

WaddyDarbucks · 15/12/2023 17:13

riotlady · 15/12/2023 16:21

Weird comment, it’s a common abbreviation, not exclusive to mumsnet

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