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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My SEN child (17 yrs) has been accused of SA

38 replies

Whathappensnext23 · 15/12/2023 11:55

Hi, can anyone help? I really need to know what is likely to happen next.

My child has been at FE college since September but has dropped out as it really wasn't working for them.

A member of staff from the college told me that another learner ( with 'issues' but no SEN from what was said) has made a report to the police that my child 'touched them sexually without consent' whilst at college.

The member of staff from college said it was 'one word against another' but I assume the police will have to investigate?

I haven't said anything to my child, they are vulnerable and have SEN and poor mental health.

I'm not here to debate what did or didn't happen, I just want to know what's likely to happen and when?

TIA

OP posts:

DemBonesDemBones · 15/12/2023 19:03

@littlemousebigcheese it very much depends on the severity, doesn't it? I worry every single day that my now 6 year old will grow up and go to jail because he is so impulsive (even with medication) and when in crisis will often hurt himself and grown ups. Not everyone with SEN is high functioning.

sprigatito · 15/12/2023 19:10

I was sexually assaulted when I was 9 by a young adult with SEN (he had mild CP and significant learning difficulties). It was at a social group run for disabled young people.

Horrible and upsetting as it was, as an adult now my feeling is that both he and I were failed by the adults who should have been looking after us.

I don't know the nature and extent of your child's additional needs, but I would be wanting to know how and when this happened, and whether there was appropriate supervision and safeguarding around him. If his needs are such that he doesn't have full capacity, then the college has questions to answer.

Gnomegnomegnome · 15/12/2023 19:17

It’s a bit worrying that it was the college that approached you about this. Concerning for your child and the alleged victim.

I’m sorry that you are going through this.

DemBonesDemBones · 15/12/2023 19:18

@sprigatito I am so, so sorry that happened to you.

Sugarsun · 15/12/2023 19:42

You need to speak to him and find out what happened from his POV.

I would also be asking where it was, who was around and if there is any CCTV.

SA does happen between people with SEN.
Sometimes it is done with full knowledge of what they’re doing and why and sometimes it is genuine innocence and they didn’t realise what they were doing was wrong.

Either way, it’s really important that this is a lesson for DS and drive home the message of consent.

Without talking to DS you don’t know whether this happened.
If he denies it then I would be pushing for more details and CCTV.

BodyKeepingScore · 15/12/2023 19:51

There are varying levels of SEN and that, along with the nature of what is alleged to have happened will be taken into account. I have two DC with SEN, 15 year old DS is quite severely impacted by his needs but would absolutely understand consent and boundaries.

PattyDukeAstin · 15/12/2023 20:01

This doesn't answer the question. However I do not understand why it is appropriate for a member of staff (who? - the principal, safeguarding lead..??) to get in touch with a parent of a young person who was not even still enrolled.

dizzydizzydizzy · 15/12/2023 20:45

I doubt the police will do anything. I reported domestic abuse to the police. They did absolutely nothing. They didn't even give me a follow up call, which they told me they would do.

VickyEadieofThigh · 15/12/2023 20:51

dizzydizzydizzy · 15/12/2023 20:45

I doubt the police will do anything. I reported domestic abuse to the police. They did absolutely nothing. They didn't even give me a follow up call, which they told me they would do.

Your poor experience of an entirely different issue isn't evidence that 'nothing will happen' in this instance.

bellac11 · 15/12/2023 21:01

Whathappensnext23 · 15/12/2023 12:24

Apparently the other learner told the college and reported it to the police.

The SEN is relevant in that it can make them impulsive and not very good at peer relations. They also have very poor mental health ATM.

The SEN isnt relevant because you said you only want to know what will happen next

Im amazed the college told you about this, this is a police matter and the proper course is that the police decide if they have enough information to speak to your son or whether its NFA

Or they do speak to your son and decide its NFA

Or they do speak to your son and decide to arrest and later seek a decision from the CPS about charges and prosecution

These things usually go no where to be honest but it will be information on his police record now an offence will have been logged.

bellac11 · 15/12/2023 21:03

Sugarsun · 15/12/2023 19:42

You need to speak to him and find out what happened from his POV.

I would also be asking where it was, who was around and if there is any CCTV.

Either way, it’s really important that this is a lesson for DS and drive home the message of consent.

Without talking to DS you don’t know whether this happened.
If he denies it then I would be pushing for more details and CCTV.

OP shouldnt be talking to him at all. OP shouldnt even know about this.

Sugarsun · 15/12/2023 22:25

bellac11 · 15/12/2023 21:03

OP shouldnt be talking to him at all. OP shouldnt even know about this.

Show quote history

Of course she should know.

An accusation has been made about her child and she needs to be involved in everything that is to follow.

Neverseenthatmuchjunkinthetrunkbefore · 15/12/2023 22:52

OP should be having ongoing conversations with her child on consent, puberty and sex. Lots of young people struggle at this age, and that is not surprising in today’s dating climate.Young people struggle even more to understand how to navigate body language, societal culture, keeping safe and their own sexual feelings and responses.

Open and regular, non-stressful discussion and chat can be very helpful for any young person especially one with SEN.

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