To think this was an overreaction about a washing machine?

53 replies

downstairsflat · 15/12/2023 00:08

DP asked me to put the washing machine on this evening. I was sitting on the sofa 20 mins after getting home from work. It was about 10.30pm and I agreed to put it on.

DP asked 10 mins later if I’d put the washing machine on. I said not yet but that I would. DP said “could you do it now? I don’t want you to forget and I want to know it’s on before I go to bed” (partly fair enough because sometimes I do, totally inadvertently, forget to do things I meant to. But I’m sure DP does this too occasionally as we’re all human). I didn’t want to cause more annoyance so got up for the snack I’d been intending to have and I put the machine on.

10 mins after that I hear DP shriek from the utility room, “what the heck?! Why is the washing machine on for two hours?”
I replied, “because I put it on”. DP then exclaimed that it didn’t need to be on that long unless it’s really dirty, that it will wreck the clothes and that they only ever do the 30 min quick wash.

I said “it’s just the length of the 40° washing machine cycle. Just because I do it differently to you doesn’t mean it’s wrong”. From my voice you could tell I was upset (I wasn’t angry or cheeky, I was emotional).

AIBU to feel hurt by this? It felt like DP was telling me off for doing what they’d asked me to do. Like I’m not capable of deciding how I want to put the washing machine on. I felt undermined. And that there was no need for such a shocked reaction over something minor.

OP posts:

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 15/12/2023 15:02

Sugarsun · 15/12/2023 07:25

The sexes don’t matter here.

Either one partner is bossy and treats the other partner like a child.

Or one partner acts like a child and needs to be told to wash their own clothes.

Of course DP could have put the washing machine on but why should they wash the clothes of a grown adult who is capable of doing it themselves.

Either way OP is BU because putting a washing machine on for 2 hours at 10:30pm is just ridiculous.

There is a saying on MN which I can’t remember, where a person does a poor job of something so their partner ends up doing it themselves in the future.

I imagine this is what’s happening here.

There is a saying on MN which I can’t remember, where a person does a poor job of something so their partner ends up doing it themselves in the future.

"If you do a job badly enough, you don't get asked to do it again." This tactic is called "weaponised incompetence".

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 15/12/2023 15:05

TempName247 · 15/12/2023 08:35

‘Quick wash’ settings use more energy than longer ones and the 30 mins one doesn’t wash the clothes it’s just for freshening up the odd item that is needed urgently. We use the longer cycles and program it to come on in the night when the electricity rates are lower.

IIRC we were all encouraged last winter to avoid charging cars, running washing machines, etc during waking hours to avoid the need for rolling blackouts.

Sugarsun · 15/12/2023 16:00

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 15/12/2023 15:02

There is a saying on MN which I can’t remember, where a person does a poor job of something so their partner ends up doing it themselves in the future.

"If you do a job badly enough, you don't get asked to do it again." This tactic is called "weaponised incompetence".

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That’s it!
I couldn’t think of what it was called.

Thank you!

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