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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this an inappropriate and creepy thing for me to say?

47 replies

Violettah · 14/12/2023 22:43

I was talking to an estate agent today to inquire about building plots. The agent asked what area we were interested in and I said “my husband is an x and therefore we need to be within one hour of x”.

I am not married and I was actually referencing my brother to the EA - his job directly influences possible locations.

Backstory. I belong to a Mediterranean family so it’s not uncommon for us to live together until marriage. I am single (ish) so our finances are combined - we see this as a positive as we have more purchasing power, facilitates us building a property portfolio. Not perfect but works and is the cultural norm.

Anyway, after the call my mum said “ugh, DO NOT say that, he’s your brother that’s weird”. She also pulled a face during the call and kind of gasped.

I just really couldn’t be bothered to explain my family setup to someone who had already told me they had nothing on the books.

Am I the weirdo for not seeing it as gross in the slightest.

OP posts:
NalafromtheLionKing · 14/12/2023 22:45

Why would it be? It’s not like you actually see him as your husband, you just didn’t want to have to explain your family set up to a stranger for no benefit.

OwOwHolyCow · 14/12/2023 22:48

Yeah that’s a weird way to refer to your brother. Sorry.
I mean, you didn’t have to explain your family set up completely, just ‘I’m buying a house jointly with my brother’.

Greenshake · 14/12/2023 22:48

Why didn’t you just tell the truth? It does sound weird that you lied about this, no matter what the reason.

TitInATrance · 14/12/2023 22:49

Not gross, but a bit odd - all you needed to say was “the property has to be within one hour of x”, you don’t owe them an explanation.

Lifeasiknowitisout · 14/12/2023 22:49

I think it’s weird you made up a husband when it’s actually your brother.

The estate agent doesn’t care about your family culture and set up. Just simply ‘needs to be an hour from X’ would do.

or ‘ I am buying with my brother and we agreed on x place’

Youwantapizzame · 14/12/2023 22:50

Yeah I don't know why you lied? Just say you're buying with your brother and he needs to be close to x? The EA doesn't care who you're buying with!

RunningFromInsanity · 14/12/2023 22:50

It’s not gross, and I can understand not wanting to explain yourselves each time.

Original poster
Violettah · 14/12/2023 22:51

I guess I’m sometimes embarrassed to be living at home so avoid mentioning it where possible. I just thought it would be weirder to say I’m building a large home with my brother.

OP posts:
Original poster
Violettah · 14/12/2023 22:51

Yes also the agent had said they had nothing and didn’t expect anything for a while so just couldn’t be bothered to get into it.

OP posts:
DreamTheme · 14/12/2023 22:52

I just thought it would be weirder to say I’m building a large home with my brother.

Weirder than using your brother as your pretend husband? Really. 😅

Grimchmas · 14/12/2023 22:52

Yeah I can understand it would get wearing to explain that to other people. I think it was fine.

saraclara · 14/12/2023 22:53

I'd find that disconcerting too, if I was your mother.

I don't really understand your reasoning for referring to him as your husband. The agent couldn't care less who you're buying with. But if you buy the land and the agent discovers that he's actually your brother... That will be as awkward as hell. A pointless lie that will make a massive snowball.

Thementalloadisreal · 14/12/2023 22:55

I don’t see the problem with the lie, your family arrangement is not their business and saying husband instead of brother just prevents any further questions that you’re not comfortable going into. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind or care either way really but it is up to you what you’re happy to divulge about your life to a stranger.

ViaRia01 · 14/12/2023 22:55

I don’t think it’s gross as your mother apparently thinks . I wouldn’t have said it though as you never know how things may change at the ea. if something did unexpectedly become available, how would you backtrack your story and ensure they don’t think you’ve married your brother!?

Catlord · 14/12/2023 22:57

Not gross as you clearly don't see your brother as marriage material but a bit odd to me I'm afraid! Better just explain who was who or not rather than make up a lie. Not the end of the world though.

Original poster
Violettah · 14/12/2023 22:57

So honestly I would just call the agent using my work phone (used personal today). Our surname is THE most common surname from our country of origin. Often used in stereotypes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Violettah · 14/12/2023 22:58

I suspect it will be well into the new year next time we speak, if we ever do again.

OP posts:
Pinkpinkpink15 · 14/12/2023 22:58

😂😂.

I can understand not wanting to explain your family set up/cultural norms to all & sundry, it's exhausting!

I don't get your mother's OTT reaction. Saying that to the EA isn't gross, but it is unnecessary, just say you're buying/building with your brother, it really isn't a big deal & getting more common.

IF the EA did have a property, it would come out that he was your brother, not your husband and THAT would look weird!!

Original poster
Violettah · 14/12/2023 23:03

Maybe “my husband” was me referencing one of my brothers colleagues and our future wedded bliss

OP posts:
LittleGreenDragons · 14/12/2023 23:12

As others posters have said, you didn't have to mention your relationship at all.

we need to be within one hour of x - absolutely fine.
I guess I’m sometimes embarrassed to be living at home - why do you need to mention that at all? It is not pertinent to your buying power. Your salary and your savings are but your marital status isn't.

You overshared information, and lied in the process. There is just no need for either. Very weird.

cezannesapple · 14/12/2023 23:15

Who cares? It was an EA who you may never speak to again.

Original poster
Violettah · 14/12/2023 23:28

If there were available plots I would have been honest I’m sure.

Im only asking as it’s playing on my mind- caused tension between my mum and I. And I don’t see her side at all

OP posts:
Fionaville · 14/12/2023 23:33

I get why you'd say it to the estate agent. I wouldn't say it again, in case it becomes a habit. And you could find yourself in a situation where the other person starts asking more questions and the lie or subsequent confession from you would be very weird. Partner probably would have been better, at least it could imply 'house buying partner'

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 14/12/2023 23:45

It’s odd that you refer to your brother as your husband and it is very strange that you feel you need to do this.

Dotcheck · 14/12/2023 23:50

I don’t think it’s that uncommon to say you are building with your brother- lots of people do that for many reasons- cultural or as an investment. I’m sure they wouldn’t care.

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