Was this an inappropriate and creepy thing for me to say?

[Violettah]

I was talking to an estate agent today to inquire about building plots. The agent asked what area we were interested in and I said “my husband is an x and therefore we need to be within one hour of x”.

I am not married and I was actually referencing my brother to the EA - his job directly influences possible locations.

Backstory. I belong to a Mediterranean family so it’s not uncommon for us to live together until marriage. I am single (ish) so our finances are combined - we see this as a positive as we have more purchasing power, facilitates us building a property portfolio. Not perfect but works and is the cultural norm.

Anyway, after the call my mum said “ugh, DO NOT say that, he’s your brother that’s weird”. She also pulled a face during the call and kind of gasped.

I just really couldn’t be bothered to explain my family setup to someone who had already told me they had nothing on the books.

Am I the weirdo for not seeing it as gross in the slightest.

Can’t say I’ve ever done it before

I wouldnt say creepy as I get the reason but yes I think it is plain weird

You could have said housemate

I think it is weird for your mother to hear you talking about your brother (her other child) as your husband.

Less weird for the real estate agent who doesn’t know you but definitely weird for your mom. Having your adult child refer to her sibling as her spouse would feel gross and inappropriate. She might now be wondering if you have some fantasizing thoughts about your brother and like to pretend he is your husband.

Seems very odd to be honest. You do know you don’t need to have a husband to buy a house?

I agree with @saffronsoup . I'm a mum to adults, and while I get that it might be irrational, it really would creep me out. It's hard to tease out why without getting into disturbing territory, but I'm going to guess that must mums of adults would react almost viscerally to that.

Yeah a bit weird.

Id have just said “I’m looking to buy a house with my brother and he needs to be this far from x”

Very odd choice. You had so many other lies or half truth or even straight facts you could have used instead

I just don't think you needed to say 'my husband/brother is an x...'. You could have only said 'we need to be near x for work'.

But I don't find it creepy - just unnecessary - that you lied about your brother being your husband to avoid what you thought was going to be awkward.

if something did unexpectedly become available, how would you backtrack your story and ensure they don’t think you’ve married your brother!?
Easy. Just gaslight the EA that he misheard. Or the EA invented the scenario himself, because the two have the same surname.
Style it out.

Yeah I don't think that was a good thing to say. Just say Mr x would like to see the plot at x time. No need to explain your connection to him.

Telling someone you’re buying a property jointly with your brother is unlikely to even raise an eyebrow.

Telling them you are buying a property with your pretend-husband-who-is-actually-your-brother is FAR more likely to have them humming the Game of Thrones theme tune. 🎵

Well it will become very obvious you are buying with a relative not a husband and there are implications. They will want proof of funds and unless you have a joint bank account this means doing two of every check.
It's not uncommon to buy with a sibling or even a friend, so do not understand why you couldn't be honest. If I was the agent and found out I'd think you're weird and wonder if you were lying about other stuff!

Like others wouldn't say it was creepy but just weird and unnecessary when you could have just said "within an hour of x"

And surely the potential for awkwardness is pretty high if you ever do have to interact with that estate agent again and she asks about your husband - now you'll have to keep up the imaginary husband forever!

And if you ever mess up and say "oh when I said husband I meant my brother" that DOES sound weird, as if you are trying to hide something, (particularly if your feeling of shame at living at home comes across) whereas if you'd just said at the start your brother and you are buying together she might have thought it was slightly unusual but non remarkable.

Maybe she just finds it deeply weird that you invented an imaginary husband when there was no need to explain who the plot was for to an EA, because you’re so embarrassed by something you see as out of tune with some cultural norms?

A friend and I once spent a week househunting for her in the southwest with two different EAs who thought we were a couple, because the alternative (that she was buying a house her DH, who was in fact back in London with their two small children, wouldn’t see until they moved, and that I was just enjoying myself exploring a new part of the country) was clearly too weird to grasp.

I find strange because it’s a weird lie there was no need for.

If my adult dd had done the same I wouldn’t think she was being creepy. But I would be concerned that she was just making up pointless lies for no reason at all.

If I knew someone who told pointless lies I would think they were weird.

It’s not creepy as such, but I can see where your mum is coming from, pretending your brother is your husband, as to her that would be how it came across.

it is weird, I’d deal with the shame you feel about being unmarried and living with your family, as it’s at such a level you lie for no reason and tell people you’re married. Even discussing the imaginary husbands imaginary job. It would make most people grimace.

I don’t think it’s gross - you just used one of standard answers. However I would rather go for : I need to be an hour from X.
I tried not to say anything contradictory when house hunting because any discrepancies might be seen as you were not telling truth later.

Do not worry about this at all, the estate agent wasn't listening and doesn't care. I say this as someone who has spent the last year house hunting and I personally know the names of each of the four estate agents in our local area now. Not a single one of them remembers me in between showing me round, they always ask the same questions with apparent deep interest and concern and then repeat it again and again and again with total blankness. I'm amazed they don't seem to have a computer database even if they can't remember personally. I think I will try varying the relative I am buying with at my next viewing or just start dropping in random details, my parrot works in x city but we need y district because she doesn't want to be too close to the zoo as it brings back bad memories...

Referring to your brother as your husband would never not be weird.

It's a shame that you can't just tell the truth.

Personally I don't feel there is anything to hide about buying a house with your brother. Maybe think about why you felt you needed to lie?

Totally overthinking it. Say whatever makes you comfortable in the moment. And if there is one profession that blurs the line between truth and reality - it's Estate Agents, so you're in good company :)