What as her parent would you think? Would you not invite us round now?

[Oversizeddenimjacket]

Dd,5 is friends with a neighbours (and
not hugely near-less than half a mile away) two sisters, youngest one is in her class at school, they also have an older brother. The mum has always been very friendly with me and invited us over after Christmas for Dd to play. Dd likes the girl but sometimes complains that she follows her too much and she doesn’t know what to say to her to stop her and that when Dd lies down on the school bench for a rest, she keeps pushing her off, the assistant has seen this and told her not to do it. Aside from this, they’re mainly good friends and play with one another with other friends.
Yesterday after school, the teacher called me to one side and said my Dd had hit this girl on the head, I was shocked, she’s never done it to anyone before, her teacher was shocked too.
Today after school, I noticed this mum avoiding me and my Dd, she’s normally a larger than life, extrovert character, she definitely deliberately walked past me trying to avoid looking at us. Would you feel the same and is that the end of the friendship now?
We’ve been struggling with Dds impulsive behaviour at the moment and are currently waiting for an adhd assessment.

Surely the other mum knows about her Dd pushing DD off a bench etc?

I'm actually surprised at the responses.

I would not expect most 5 year olds to have the impulse control to not lash out at someone who has just hurt them. Being pushed off a bench from a lying down position is dangerous and likely to result in more injuries than a hit. Maybe the Mum was embarrassed about her own daughter's behaviour.

@Savedpassword I don’t think so 🤷🏻‍♀️Dd says it’s happened a few times at lunchtimes and she’s told off by the lunch assistant.

I’m going to send a text to the mum to apologise but I really feel I should also include the pushing off the bench incident? Dd was very sorry for what she’d done but she was also
quite upset/frustrated that her friend had been doing other things

From what my child says the kids in his reception class seem to hit each other quite a bit! I would get her to draw a picture for the other child and apologise. Wouldn’t think any more was necessary - they’re 5, they’re still very young and make mistakes!

I’ve sent a text apologising and also said they’re good friends but it seems there’s been a bit of back and forth between them-I mentioned the pushing off the bench etc and said I hadn’t mentioned it as they seemed to figure it out and that my Dd was very upset etc and hadn’t done it before

@NewShoes Yes, happens sometimes 🤷🏻‍♀️Still learning to control impulses etc

A sentence leaped out at me "when dd lies down on the school bench for a rest". I could be wildly wrong- but this sounds a bit strange. Are you sure she's not teasing/winding up the friend by doing this? Obviously she shouldn't be hit-and the hitter should be punished. But is there more
Going on?

This Thread is so dramatic! It makes me feel so excited to be entering the primary school culture again in September. They re 5, 5 years olds haven't quite got to grips with their emotional regulation yet. Your daughters friend obviously annoyed her.

I would sit down with DD and have a kind conversation about how we can't hit people even if we really want to and we are annoyed. Id then help give her alternatives solutions when annoyed and talk through how the other person must have felt after they were hit and encourage them to apologise when next on school drop/off.

for the sake of harmony, I would also text the mum and just say 'I'd heard DD had hit child on the head today, very sorry. Just wanted to check in and see she's okay? I've talked to DD and let her know it was completely not okay and she is going to apologise tomorrow, hope you're all well bla bla bla'.

It sounds like her friend's behaviour was bad too then, pushing your dd off the bench is just as bad as hitting. Don't be too hard on your little one, she's still learning to navigate these situations. You did the right thing by telling her hitting isn't ok and to next time tell the teacher if her friend is being unkind and pushing her.

@CurlewKate ?

My Dd has a lot of energy, she runs around a lot and tends to burn herself out then says she goes for a sit or lie down but her friend never wants her to. She said she follows her everywhere, even to the toilet, I’ve told Dd if it’s really bothering her to say it nicely to her or to tell the teacher

I wouldn't think anything of it. Kids whack each other over the head all the time. Both of mine have been punched in the face in primary school - one at age 5 by a slightly older boy, one at age 10 by the (annoying) younger brother of a good friend. It's a non-issue and just one of those things unless it's part of a wider pattern of bullying. Never even thought about the other parents or raised it with them - one is a friend, the other just someone I know from the village. I'd forgotten either even happened until you just reminded me.

I would assume actually that the other girl's parent was either having an off day, or she got a talking to about her dd's behaviour (maybe she has been bullying your dd or did something else that led to a conversation with the parent) and was just embarrassed and annoyed. School staff will generally not disclose the identity of children in incidents like this.

Ridiculously precious replies.

It’s at all not beyond the realms of possibility for a little child to lash out when pissed off, she’s 5, not 25.

OP, there’s no need to overreact about this, your child did something developmentally normal, there’s nothing to be ashamed about. You’ve spoken to her and she knows it was wrong.

If the other parent can’t accept that a 5 year old might make a mistake, I’d leave her to it. Particularly as her child is evidently not a paragon of virtue either…

Ok feel very relieved, she texted back that it was all fine and she’s aware her Dd has pushed too and it’s all part of learning and preparation for life. She reiterated about her Christmas play date again too

Great 😊