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AIBU?

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Original poster

Both parents business trip - WWYD?

59 replies

nutsnutspistachionuts · 14/12/2023 19:30

DH and I work together and for the first time ever a client has requested we visit them together… in the USA. This is a really important, interesting, fun, potentially career defining project. It would be just 2-3 days of meetings/lunches/research, possibly not even on consecutive days.

But we have a 7yo - what would you do?

DH thinks we should go together for the shortest possible trip and get my mum to look after DS at home. She would do, and she is great. But I can’t get my head comfortable with us both being out of the country at the same time! But the other options are take DS and a 3rd adult with us (very expensive - school hols, extra flights, hotel!!) or DH and I just go separately (less good work-wise). I suppose we could go together but attend meetings separately, like one day on, one day off? Also that’s less good work wise than being there together. Are there any other options? Can you hire a nanny for three days?!?

We hardly ever travel abroad these days and I’m aware this is very fortunate. Our flights would be paid but that’s it. We have friends we could stay with as a couple but they don’t have room for a kid. 7yo would love to go to America fwiw. It’s California so family-friendly apart from the work…

OP posts:
ColettesEarrings · 14/12/2023 19:42

Let your mum look after him at home. It's a business trip not a holiday.

millymollymoomoo · 14/12/2023 19:43

Leave your 7 yo at home with their Nan for a week !

yikesanotherbooboo · 14/12/2023 19:44

Leave him with Grandma, he is no longer a baby and will be with someone who loves him.

snowday888 · 14/12/2023 19:46

Can you take him with you and potentially your mum too? Make it a working holiday if your mum would be up for looking after him for 2-3 days whilst you work. Then can all spend a holiday there together. It's a long way to go for 2-3 days. A long way away if something happens. Sure to be lots of interesting things to do and see there too.

UncleHerbie · 14/12/2023 19:47

Take the location out of the equation. If the meeting was in Edinburgh for a week and you were based on the Isle of Wight, would you consider taking your son? Probably not. Let him spend time with his granny and bring him a California themed gift.

KeepingKeepingOn · 14/12/2023 19:48

I don’t think it would even cross my mind NOT to leave him with his Gran for a few days, if I had that as an option! What a great opp for them to spend some time together and free you up to focus on work.

AllPowerfulLizardPerson · 14/12/2023 19:48

I'd leave DC with DGM, without any qualms and indeed I'd even be thinking about tacking a holiday weekend on to the trip

WhatNoUsername · 14/12/2023 19:48

Definitely leave your 7 year old at home. My DS used to go to his Nan's for chunks of the summer hols for childcare and for the occasional couple's holiday. Was a great opportunity for him to bond with his Nan and they have a fantastic relationship into adulthood. You don't have to do it all alone (it takes a village and all that!), adult only time is important (especially when working!) and it's really important to foster good, independent relationships with family members. Plus if you take a third person (presumably a nanny?) he'll just be spending most of the time with a random. I'd rather he soent time with Nan personally.

InTheRainOnATrain · 14/12/2023 19:49

Leave DC with your mum. It’s a business trip during term so no brainer.

Whattodo112222 · 14/12/2023 19:49

Its grandma not a random off the street. He'll probably love being with nanny!

Bluevelvetsofa · 14/12/2023 19:52

I had two grandchildren for ten days when their parents were away. The youngest was eight and it was during the school holiday, so pretty full on. Was good fun though. I bet he’ll have a great time with grandma.

KrisAkabusi · 14/12/2023 19:52

I can't understand your dilemma. Leave him at home, no question.

user284246975787632445 · 14/12/2023 19:54

I don't see the issue with a 7yo being cared for by a grandparent for less than a week. Your DH's plan is fine.

OhcantthInkofaname · 14/12/2023 19:56

Whattodo112222 · 14/12/2023 19:49

Its grandma not a random off the street. He'll probably love being with nanny!

And she would love it too!

Original poster
nutsnutspistachionuts · 14/12/2023 19:58

Ah, am I being a big nervous nelly?

I just feel like my body screams NOOOOO DON’T DO IT!!! at the prospect of us both leaving the country at the same time. I’m a bit out of practice at travelling and maybe it shows.

If we took a 3rd person it would probably be my mum or a friend. Neither of who would know LA so not sure how relaxing that would be.

I need to get more details on what the work commitments would actually involve, I think, before we decide.

But encouraging that we are not being totally U to consider it!

(There is an outside chance we could meet client in New York instead where it would be a bit easier to take DS if we wanted to because we do have good friends there who are good with kids and would totally take him to a museum for an afternoon or two…)

OP posts:
SnowsFalling · 14/12/2023 19:58

Leave DS with Grandma.

Consider DH going out a few days earlier, and you coming back a few days later, with 2 days overlap in the middle if the client wants you there for longer.

ActDottie · 14/12/2023 20:01

Definitely leave your child at home with his gran. He’s 7 not 7 months! He’ll be absolutely fine.

WillowCraft · 14/12/2023 20:02

Put your son in a holiday club over there while you're in meetings? And take him and turn it into a week long holiday? I think I'd try and take him if it can be done without too much hassle, just because it's a good opportunity.
I think leaving him home would be fine though, what would happen in 2 or 3 days anyway? If it was that serious he would be looked after in a hospital. Anything else could be managed until you get back surely.

Ohtobetwentytwo · 14/12/2023 20:02

Your kid wont get anything out if a flight that long for a trip that short.

So its go together, refuse trip, or one of you goes. FWIW I'd feel the same but I'd make myself go.

samqueens · 14/12/2023 20:02

If it’s in California in school hols then go on holiday and take him with you. Use childcare out there for your meeting days or (if it coincides with US school holidays) send him to camp for a few days while you work and then go and have an adventure all together. It’s a great place for kids that age, loads of amazing things to do. If your flights are being paid for (and presumably accommodation for a few nights) then, even paying for your son to fly and be looked after while your there, it’ll still be a good value holiday. Ask your friends out there for some pointers…

Original poster
nutsnutspistachionuts · 14/12/2023 20:03

2-3 days of meetings would mean we’d be gone for at least 5 days anyway, accounting for travel/jet lag, probably a week…

OP posts:
wite · 14/12/2023 20:04

Leave him with your mum. No big deal.

WillowCraft · 14/12/2023 20:04

nutsnutspistachionuts · 14/12/2023 19:58

Ah, am I being a big nervous nelly?

I just feel like my body screams NOOOOO DON’T DO IT!!! at the prospect of us both leaving the country at the same time. I’m a bit out of practice at travelling and maybe it shows.

If we took a 3rd person it would probably be my mum or a friend. Neither of who would know LA so not sure how relaxing that would be.

I need to get more details on what the work commitments would actually involve, I think, before we decide.

But encouraging that we are not being totally U to consider it!

(There is an outside chance we could meet client in New York instead where it would be a bit easier to take DS if we wanted to because we do have good friends there who are good with kids and would totally take him to a museum for an afternoon or two…)

Well I'd go for the new York option if at all possible, what an adventure for your son!

I think you're over worrying about leaving him though, unless your mum is elderly

Original poster
nutsnutspistachionuts · 14/12/2023 20:08

Mum is late 60s, think she’d be fine. We also have a decent support network in our area who could potentially relieve her with a couple of playdates. It’s more like what if we both die in a plane crash, which I realise is catastrophising, but I worry it would make me not much use at work…

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 14/12/2023 20:08

I'm with your DH. See it as purely a work trip, in and out as quickly as possible, leave DS with your mum. Have a family holiday some other time.