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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Both parents business trip - WWYD?

59 replies

nutsnutspistachionuts · 14/12/2023 19:30

DH and I work together and for the first time ever a client has requested we visit them together… in the USA. This is a really important, interesting, fun, potentially career defining project. It would be just 2-3 days of meetings/lunches/research, possibly not even on consecutive days.

But we have a 7yo - what would you do?

DH thinks we should go together for the shortest possible trip and get my mum to look after DS at home. She would do, and she is great. But I can’t get my head comfortable with us both being out of the country at the same time! But the other options are take DS and a 3rd adult with us (very expensive - school hols, extra flights, hotel!!) or DH and I just go separately (less good work-wise). I suppose we could go together but attend meetings separately, like one day on, one day off? Also that’s less good work wise than being there together. Are there any other options? Can you hire a nanny for three days?!?

We hardly ever travel abroad these days and I’m aware this is very fortunate. Our flights would be paid but that’s it. We have friends we could stay with as a couple but they don’t have room for a kid. 7yo would love to go to America fwiw. It’s California so family-friendly apart from the work…

OP posts:
WillowCraft · 14/12/2023 20:09

nutsnutspistachionuts · 14/12/2023 20:08

Mum is late 60s, think she’d be fine. We also have a decent support network in our area who could potentially relieve her with a couple of playdates. It’s more like what if we both die in a plane crash, which I realise is catastrophising, but I worry it would make me not much use at work…

You could equally (or much more likely actually) both die in a car crash (or maybe you are aware of that and never travel in the same car!)

Mrsjayy · 14/12/2023 20:10

ColettesEarrings · 14/12/2023 19:42

Let your mum look after him at home. It's a business trip not a holiday.

this just let your mum look after him. it's fine. unless your mum.fancies a few days away and just take her.

Mrsjayy · 14/12/2023 20:12

WillowCraft · 14/12/2023 20:09

You could equally (or much more likely actually) both die in a car crash (or maybe you are aware of that and never travel in the same car!)

Show quote history

I mean your chance of dying this way is more than likely.

snoopyfanaccountant · 14/12/2023 20:12

We went to NYC when our DD was 27 months and left her with my mum/MIL. MIL was a teacher and she offered to give up her February long weekend holiday so that we could visit her aunt and uncle. Our 5 night trip ended up being 10 nights because 2 feet of snow fell the night before we were due to fly home; DD survived and my mum and MIL coped. Go for it OP.

FirstTimeTTC989 · 14/12/2023 20:15

So if there is a plane crash you want your DS on that plane too? What a strange thought.

You haven't really given any rational reasons for your reluctance yet.

It's good for your careers, you have great childcare in place, he's 7 years old not 7 days old.

Just go.

HouseChainDrama · 14/12/2023 20:16

I my kids only parent (widowed) and I've left the county for work and holidays plenty of times. The kids stay with grandparents and are FINE

onthefarmwithwellies · 14/12/2023 20:19

Most people are saying leave him with gran but I totally understand your anxiety about both being out the country at the same time. My kids are older but that kind of situation makes me uncomfortable too. I get nervous if DH and I are both away from home at the same time. I blame Covid for this behaviour. I would take your mum and son with you if that's an option and build some down time/family time into the trip if you can.

RendeersDancingTowardsChristmas · 14/12/2023 20:23

It's a business trip, so leave DS at home.

Also, I am not sure what industry/ edikette but you might find yourselves being iinvitedto ssocialise or a dinner - best not to take DC.

TeaGinandFags · 14/12/2023 20:24

You won't have a plane crash and DC will have a whale of a time with his nan.

Say by some by extreme fluke the terrible thing happened: he's with an older lady who loves him to bits and there's no upheaval. He stays where he is.

Go to America and enjoy yourselves. Leave DC with Nan and let her spoil him rotten.

BreadInCaptivity · 14/12/2023 20:25

Don't take him. It's a bad plan for him and you and DH.

You need to be focused on business.

He would like California yes - but that's experiencing that with you. Not another adult.

You'd end up knocked after business meetings and not be "fun mum" and he'd just be sad about experiencing the trip with parents who had other priorities.

Taking him is a poor outcome for everyone. As the saying goes - don't combine business and pleasure.

Better for him to have a lovely time with granny and if you want to splash the cash do it in the UK and give your mum some money to do something fun and exciting like a visit somewhere they would both enjoy as a treat (depending on location/interests and what your mum can manage but something like a couple of nights at Legoland or similar).

Flamesatmytoes · 14/12/2023 20:35

Realistically you’re more likely to die on the M1 than an aircraft. Do you not go in a car without your child?

I get it (just been to NY with DH and left DC with my mum), but really, it’s not an issue.

Lund · 14/12/2023 20:41

I would go with Snowsfalling's suggestion - you both go but stagger your trips so you are both away for, say, 5 days but only overlap for 2. This would minimise your plane crash worst case scenario type thoughts ( I would be worried about this too!)

OhpoorMe · 14/12/2023 20:41

Absolutely leave him with your mum.

As an aside. Are work really not going to pay for your hotel/ food etc?!? So this business trip will cost you money?

theduchessofspork · 14/12/2023 20:47

Sounds fine to leave him

you’re a lot more likely to get run over by a bus than die in a plane crash, but if you’re the anxious type - fly separately

user284246975787632445 · 14/12/2023 20:49

Being nervous about something you haven't done before is normal. It doesn't mean you shouldn't do something though.

ShazzyG71 · 14/12/2023 20:51

Leave him with your mum. My sister and I used to stay with my grandparents for a week or 2 every summer and we loved it!!

ScandiNoirNuit · 14/12/2023 20:54

Leave him with your mum. If she can stay at your house, prob even better and less upheaval for him but he will have a great time with grandma. You are unlikely to end up making the most of the trip if you take him, particularly if there is socialising to be done and unless you take more time off you won’t get to to do anything particularly fun with him.

my parents came to our house to look after the kids this year when we were both away and I was very grateful it made everything possible.

alongtimeagoandfaraway · 14/12/2023 21:01

We had this a lot, albeit travelling separately for different companies. When the issue came up we asked one of our mums who came and stayed with the children whilst we were away. Never, ever, thought of taking them with us. They survived and thrived and had good relationship with their grandmothers as teens and adults. It’s a business trip, you need to focus on business.

Original poster
nutsnutspistachionuts · 14/12/2023 21:08

I think I maybe like the travel separately but overlap idea (might be easier going for my mum too) but we’ll have to see how the schedules look. It’ll be a few months away.

Or maybe it’ll all just be fine!

We’re self employed in the arts. There’s basically a budget line on the project that covers 2 flights but it’s not enough to cover 4 flights and 2 hotel rooms.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutsnutspistachionuts · 14/12/2023 21:09

Glad to hear so many people have done this sort of thing and lived to tell the tale!

OP posts:
Flamesatmytoes · 14/12/2023 21:12

nutsnutspistachionuts · 14/12/2023 21:09

Glad to hear so many people have done this sort of thing and lived to tell the tale!

Of course, we have a Will, a letter of wishes, life insurance, all the back up, but realistically it’s not the most dangerous thing you do.
Go have a great time, your mum will be great.

Womencanlift · 14/12/2023 21:13

If your mum is healthy and willing enough to look after your son and he is not going to have a meltdown about you being away I dont understand what the issue is. It’s work not a holiday, although saying that even if it was a holiday it would be fine too as parents are people as well as parents

Mariposista · 14/12/2023 21:59

Seriously OP start dusting that passport off. DS will be fine with gran. And gran will love it too.

how refreshing to hear about both mum and dad in productive successful employment on here. Enjoy this experience together!

jemenfous37 · 14/12/2023 23:35

Are you a member of the Royal family by any chance?
Otherwise, you are catastrophising!
If you're not too happy leaving him with your mum, have you considered kennels?! (That was a joke! 😀)

TomatoSandwiches · 14/12/2023 23:37

He'd be safer here with his nan.

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