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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday with friends?

61 replies

Lala727 · 13/12/2023 20:13

Posting on behalf of a friend as she's not in mn.

Is it common or normal to be going on a family holidays abroad (friend, partner, child 4 and child 4 months) and invite friends (another family) to go with you? I can think of nothing I'd e joy less than to think I'd be getting alone time in with my partner and children away from it all and then have others there for a 12 day holiday but maybe I'm the odd one!

Is this other people's idea of fun?

OP posts:
HomburgandTrilby · 14/12/2023 07:53

Lala727 · 13/12/2023 20:32

No one said suspicious?!

Yet you seem to find it equates to ‘lack of quality time with family’ and suggesting it means a couple ‘can’t spend time with just them’.

Having said that, it doesn’t sound as if ‘friends’ to you equates to any particular closeness and affection, so hardly surprising you wouldn’t holiday with them.

ANightingale · 14/12/2023 07:53

It's normal and common, just not for everyone. I wouldn't want to have to consider 'outsiders' on my holiday but for some, the more the merrier.

Doublebiscuit77 · 14/12/2023 07:56

Each to their own. I'd be open to the idea - we holiday with my sister and her family- the kids entertain each other, you can take turns etc - makes for a more relaxing holiday.

TinkerTiger · 14/12/2023 08:00

Lala727 · 13/12/2023 20:32

No one said suspicious?!

wondering if it's a sign that the partner doesn't want to be alone as a family unit

Do you mean she's...suspicious of this? 😂

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/12/2023 08:07

It doesn't really matter if its 'normal or common' (although clearly lots of people do it). It matters that your friend isn't keen and that's also normal and common and she shouldn't have to if she doesn't want to. Especially if it's with a family she doesn't know that well or hasn't even spent a weekend with, as holidays are meant to be relaxing, not constantly having to make the effort to make small talk / be the best version of yourself.

I think compromise is key here. She should explain to her partner that she was looking forward to their first family holiday as a 4 and would like to spend quality time together. But that if he wants to invite guests, they could compromise eg book overlapping holidays so they are there for 5 of those days or something (maybe at the second half of the holiday when they're starting to get bored)

inloveandmarried · 14/12/2023 08:09

I know a group of friends that always do this. Expensive holidays abroad too. They hire 10 bed holiday villas in European countries.

They do get on very well and would say that the costs split between a few families is much less. They enjoy less expensive evenings as they light a bbq and cook at the villa.

Zanatdy · 14/12/2023 08:09

It depends how social you are and if you enjoy big group holidays. I personally would find it fun, but of course some downsides with travelling in a big group. I’d be up for it now and again but not every holiday

MyFirstLittlePony · 14/12/2023 08:12

It works if the women are friends

If the men are friends, and their friendship is based on lads nights out, the women will be expected to entertain the kids whilst also being resentful of the other couple and their set up and expectations.

catchmewhenifall · 14/12/2023 08:13

Someone to share the cooking and the kids can entertain themselves whilst you lie down.

The key, however, is having your own space and communication space... couple of gîtes and a shared pool etc.

Original poster
Lala727 · 14/12/2023 08:15

HomburgandTrilby · 14/12/2023 07:53

Yet you seem to find it equates to ‘lack of quality time with family’ and suggesting it means a couple ‘can’t spend time with just them’.

Having said that, it doesn’t sound as if ‘friends’ to you equates to any particular closeness and affection, so hardly surprising you wouldn’t holiday with them.

Show quote history

What a weird response. Thanks for the contribution, I guess it wouldn't be mn without one lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Lala727 · 14/12/2023 08:17

TinkerTiger · 14/12/2023 08:00

wondering if it's a sign that the partner doesn't want to be alone as a family unit

Do you mean she's...suspicious of this? 😂

Show quote history

Lol no, it just made her a bit sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Lala727 · 14/12/2023 08:18

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/12/2023 08:07

It doesn't really matter if its 'normal or common' (although clearly lots of people do it). It matters that your friend isn't keen and that's also normal and common and she shouldn't have to if she doesn't want to. Especially if it's with a family she doesn't know that well or hasn't even spent a weekend with, as holidays are meant to be relaxing, not constantly having to make the effort to make small talk / be the best version of yourself.

I think compromise is key here. She should explain to her partner that she was looking forward to their first family holiday as a 4 and would like to spend quality time together. But that if he wants to invite guests, they could compromise eg book overlapping holidays so they are there for 5 of those days or something (maybe at the second half of the holiday when they're starting to get bored)

That's a nice suggestion, I'll say that to them

OP posts:
HomburgandTrilby · 14/12/2023 08:24

Lala727 · 14/12/2023 08:15

What a weird response. Thanks for the contribution, I guess it wouldn't be mn without one lol

Show quote history

Nothing weird about it. Your response is quite odd and misanthropic. And I don’t mean your friend’s response. Surely you’ve met other people in your time on the planet, and have come across holidaying with friends as a perfectly usual thing, even if you don’t personally want to do it? Or that other people have different ideas about what constitutes ‘quality time’?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/12/2023 08:25

Your kids are tiny so I think this is part of it. When they’re older you don’t get evenings alone anyway, and you might want to have their friends there to keep them occupied - or at least other children.

Maddy70 · 14/12/2023 08:27

I do it as frequently as with just my own family. If you ding like it then no-one is forcing you

Sparehair · 14/12/2023 08:32

MyFirstLittlePony · 14/12/2023 08:12

It works if the women are friends

If the men are friends, and their friendship is based on lads nights out, the women will be expected to entertain the kids whilst also being resentful of the other couple and their set up and expectations.

This made me laugh but there’s a fair bit of truth in it. It does work better when the primary friendship is between the women or at least they are equal ( primary male friendship =do not go there). I have swerved one particular suggestion for a group holiday from a friend because although she and her DH are a lot of fun, he does absolutely FA in the house or with the kids and that would piss me off when you’re trying to get out to ski school and he’s on his phone while the dishwasher needs loading and the kids can’t find their goggles.

Original poster
Lala727 · 14/12/2023 08:35

HomburgandTrilby · 14/12/2023 08:24

Nothing weird about it. Your response is quite odd and misanthropic. And I don’t mean your friend’s response. Surely you’ve met other people in your time on the planet, and have come across holidaying with friends as a perfectly usual thing, even if you don’t personally want to do it? Or that other people have different ideas about what constitutes ‘quality time’?

Show quote history

Your judgements about me were the weird parts. I've not criticised anyone for wanting to, just stated my own preference

OP posts:
Muchof · 14/12/2023 08:43

Lala727 · 14/12/2023 08:35

Your judgements about me were the weird parts. I've not criticised anyone for wanting to, just stated my own preference

Show quote history

You might not have directly criticised, but you certainly have in a thinly veiled way and come off as pretty condescending. You have made sneery comments about couples who apparently can’t bear to to be alone together and you are also implying that you must care more about your family than anybody that chooses to holiday with others.

Original poster
Lala727 · 14/12/2023 08:47

Interesting, the inferences and implications are all your own, what other people do in their relationships is their choice. When I post, I'm talking only from my own perspective and opinions, not what anyone else would or should do. If I couldn't spend a week alone with my oh, I WOULD be concerned. Its not a deep thread, just a light holiday question so condescending seems strong!

OP posts:
rookiemere · 14/12/2023 08:51

We did it with friends when the DCs were younger. DS is an only and he didn't enjoy things like hotel holiday clubs, so going away together meant he had a gang of friends and we could all afford to rent a lovely villa with a pool that we wouldn't have been able to go to otherwise.

I've noticed a lot of USA couples touring round Europe as a foursome. I find that an interesting idea, as now most holidays are just with DH, it would be nice to have some additional company from time to time.

Original poster
Lala727 · 14/12/2023 08:55

rookiemere · 14/12/2023 08:51

We did it with friends when the DCs were younger. DS is an only and he didn't enjoy things like hotel holiday clubs, so going away together meant he had a gang of friends and we could all afford to rent a lovely villa with a pool that we wouldn't have been able to go to otherwise.

I've noticed a lot of USA couples touring round Europe as a foursome. I find that an interesting idea, as now most holidays are just with DH, it would be nice to have some additional company from time to time.

Yes, I think like with everything, it's the choice that matters. My friend has sort of had this foisted on her which changes it

OP posts:
RoachFish · 14/12/2023 09:02

I have done this countless times. Sometimes just two families, sometimes 3 or 4 families travelling together and renting a huge villa with pool, garden etc. I love these kinds of holidays and I loved the big dinners every night. Our kids loved it too as it was with their friends families we went. During the day we rarely did anything all together, some went somewhere and some stayed at the villa, the kids did what they wanted.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/12/2023 09:07

We’ve done it where accommodation is separate but we meet up during the days which works very well I think

Strugglingtodomybest · 14/12/2023 09:16

We've holidayed with friends before, but I wouldn't in your friend's position.

deepsea9 · 14/12/2023 09:24

Weekend/ long weekend yes (but it would depend on the group). Longer/ main family holiday - no way, but I like my own space and have found there is always at least one person in the group that grinds my gears.

One thing I have noticed is that it tends to work less well as the kids get older - works brilliantly when they tend to bomb round as a pack when they are younger, but the different ages tend to show when they are older ime.