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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be unable to cope with both my kids at once?

63 replies

Thepurplebus · 13/12/2023 17:39

There, I’m admitting it here because I’ll be flamed. 4 months and 3. One is crying, one needs feeding, one needs changing, one needs potty, one needs a nap, one needs to stay awake. Am I spectacularly shit or is it normal?

OP posts:

Anonymouslyposting · 13/12/2023 20:28

I’ve got a just turned 3 year old and a 10 month old. I am only just getting into the swing of having them both on my own - I have shamelessly called in family and kept the 3 year old in nursery part time to avoid having both at once until now because I always feel like one is getting the short straw when it’s just the three of us. It’s getting easier now that the younger one is down to only two naps but it’s still hard work and I’m exhausted at the end of a full day of both of them - definitely not just you!

NiftyBiiknhui · 13/12/2023 20:33

I feel the same 3 year and 18 months and a 10 year old some days I don’t even want to get out of bed because of how hard it is

plus working 35-40 hours a week

Cla43 · 13/12/2023 20:36

Oh gosh no, 2 under 4 is quite brutal, with my last 2 I purposely waited until the one was at school before having the next one, although then lockdown happened but was glad at least a 4 rather than a 3 year old and baby

RedLeicesterRedLeicester · 13/12/2023 20:39

I found it harder when baby came out of newborn stage, eldest was just 3. All of a sudden the baby is less placid.

Take my advice with a pinch of salt because if you’re spectacularly shit I defo am too 😆

Have been lucky that nights have been ok for chunks of time but even when I’m up a lot I spend A LOT of time out of the house. My rule is generally out by 10ish with a big packed lunch and do a trip for the morning. I find the constant meal / snacks one of the worst things so prefer to have lunch out & about at least. Loads more tv than I would have been comfortable with with my first.

I make the most of nap time doing something eldest likes or sometimes just relaxing infront of tv.

I went back to work at 10 months 3 days a week. Happy with this decision even though the pick up / bedtime can be utterly exhausting. I think we all appreciate the time at home more.

Ireallywantsomechips · 13/12/2023 20:44

For me it's finding places to go with both of them when my childminder is off 😂 For just my 3 year old I can think of a million things to do together! Trampolining, cinema, soft play, adventure parks etc etc For a 3 year old and a 10 month old, walks and the park and that's all I can think of. Those weeks really drag 😭

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 13/12/2023 20:49

Nope I can't cope with my two either. I actually dread it.

Drinkinggreentea · 13/12/2023 20:57

I have three and the eldest was three when the youngest was born. How hard it is depends on the personality of the child but it is just really hard regardless.

I couldn't cope when I had 1 & 2 together. Number one ended up in nursery three days a week.

The combination of 2 & 3 together is alright. I'm exhausted though!

OldTinHat · 13/12/2023 20:59

I had an 18 month old and a newborn. I knew I was losing the plot when I changed the newborn's nappy, popped him on his feet to toddle off and he promptly fell over.

It will get better.

Goodlard · 13/12/2023 21:03

YABVU

It's really easy, I'm not sure what your problem is?

You just get into a routine and stick to it, you're the parent let them know, this is how it works!

Oh, actually it's easier to herd cats than deal with two small people......

But once one at least is at nursery and also better weather, it does help.

Keep going...

nokobonoko · 13/12/2023 21:06

YANBU I had to do this as a single parent and they're much older now and I still can't cope with both of them as the same time!

HereForTheFreeLunch · 13/12/2023 21:11

It's been a while so I don't remember how it all was.. but I do remember having lost of diversions at hand for the older one when sitting down to feed the baby (non messy colouring, travel toys, little snacks).
And also having the baby in the sling a lot so I could do stuff too.

But I also remember lots of crying!!

NewYearNewMNName · 13/12/2023 21:24

I had a small (22m) gap between mine too. The first 6 months were brutal, we survived not thrived.
Just do whatever you can to get through the day and take all the help that is offered to you as well as asking for it.
I found getting out of the house helps, plus it's nice to have them both contained within the double stroller.

Hang in there. Mine are now 1 and nearly 3, they have a great bond and the days are so much easier.

Coffeeandcatsforlife · 13/12/2023 21:29

Please know you are doing a great job. It’s an absolute shit show at those ages and you are just one person. I had a 22mo and a new born, it was hard bloody graft!
To feel less alone, I can’t recommend the Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicome podcast ‘ Parenting hell’ enough. It has honestly helped my mental health so much.

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