Page 2 | To be unable to cope with both my kids at once?

SpinningTops · 13/12/2023 19:29

I used to live by the phrase
'Everyone's fed, no one's dead!'

Helped me get through the toughest bits.

Cerealkiller4U · 13/12/2023 19:29

Thepurplebus · 13/12/2023 17:39

There, I’m admitting it here because I’ll be flamed. 4 months and 3. One is crying, one needs feeding, one needs changing, one needs potty, one needs a nap, one needs to stay awake. Am I spectacularly shit or is it normal?

Oh bless you sweet mama. I would never flame you. It is hard lovely! You’re so new to it too. There will be one a routine.

im so proud of you so far for today ok?

I also know I’m and you’ll be proud that you got through next week too.

if you every want a chat I’m all ears.

I am sending so much love into my phone xx

luckbealadytonight · 13/12/2023 19:29

4mo and a 21mo here.

It is really hard and I do sort of dread the days we're alone (we have very involved grannies thankfully).

I find that as long as we get out in the morning and do an activity, play group or park, then the rest of the day is doable.

Lots of car naps!

The little one just gets dragged about and naps/feeds when she can. Total opposite to the militant schedule of DC1!

Cerealkiller4U · 13/12/2023 19:31

HowToSaveAWife · 13/12/2023 17:44

I have two and a half year old and almost 8 month old. I've stopped fighting for a routine and once everyone is fed, bottled, watered and wiped... It's fine. It's totally fine.

(It's not fine, but today is fine and tomorrow is another day.)

You say it’s not fine

mama. You take care of yourself ok? ♥️♥️♥️♥️. You’re not doing bad. Infact from what I’ve read you seem to be doing awesome. Catch yourself a break. I know you’re a good mama already xx

mrmagpie · 13/12/2023 19:31

Hankunamatata · 13/12/2023 17:40

Nope I had 3 under 5. It was hell and I cried lots until I had 2 in school

Me too. I can barely remember it to be honest, it was an absolute shitshow most of the time and then when the oldest was due to start school OF COURSE it was 2020 and he was hardly ever there because of covid.

OP, it's a tough gig. It just is. Gets better though, I promise you that, and you probably won't remember how hard it was. Get through each hour and keep your expectations low, if you're all clean (ish) and fed then that'll do.

Xmascookies · 13/12/2023 19:32

Yanbu two screaming kids is absolutely hellish. It does get easier though

Cerealkiller4U · 13/12/2023 19:33

Trinxs · 13/12/2023 18:18

4 year old and 1 year old twins here. Single mum too so don't get much support.

The first year was hell. I cried a lot. We didn't have a routine for that first year and my focus was keeping everyone alive.

We now have a routine and it helps massively (and I have one in school now).
It really does get easier. For now, focus on meeting immediate needs.

Do you have 1 set of twins? Or 2 sets of twins?

man that is epic mama!!!!! I have such admiration for whatever it is. I cried a lot too but it’s worth it in the end.

you’re amazing x

madeleine85 · 13/12/2023 19:43

At 1 and 4 years mine have just gotten manageable. I heard it said that you have one child and you can trade off, take time to do your own things, properly focus on the child when needed, but then you have two and you think it will be twice as hard... but in reality it is 100x as hard. I agree completely with this, though it is definitely improving as they are getting older. One thing that really helped was when the younger one finally realised that the older one existed and it was the best thing since sliced bread (the older one had also stopped trying to hit the younger one, finally). Seeing his little face light up every time she comes near makes it completely worth it. I've found one soft play center im comfortable taking them both to alone, otherwise we very much divide and conquer on the weekends. It really does get better x

bakewellbride · 13/12/2023 19:44

Normal. Me and 4 other mum friends are in a WhatsApp group and all complain/ vent regularly about how tough and constant it is.

You have my sympathy

Ak627 · 13/12/2023 19:45

My kids are the same age as yours and it’s tough. All housework is out the window. I’m trying to remember that this too shall pass but it’s exhausting and frustrating right now.

NightTimeRain · 13/12/2023 19:46

I never had a choice. Became a single parent to 3 under 4. Wasn't easy but didn't have much choice

Bournetilly · 13/12/2023 19:50

Im going through the same thing. My eldest is at nursery 2 days and it’s so much easier on them days, I think her behaviour has worsened since baby came along. Hoping it will get easier in September when she starts school. Also extremely sleep deprived which doesn’t help as I feel like I have little patience. I think it’s normal but hopefully will get easier soon.

Keeva2017 · 13/12/2023 19:50

I had those ages, it was a complete shit show! Be nice to yourself, accept as many breaks as people offer you and just know it gets easier. Mine are 4 and 7 now. It’s hard in different ways but my god it’s not a patch on what you are going through right now.

God speed and to anyone that says she is unreasonable- just fuck off.

ghostyslovesheets · 13/12/2023 19:59

Ah OP it's crappy but it wont last forever. DD1 was 21mths when dd2 arrived - DD2 had a traumatic birth - she didn't eat well and cried a lot - I was also unwell and workaholic ex was not there - it was the guilt I hated the most - my little girl now didn't have me the way she had before - I kept her nursery place so she had her routine and distractions but sometimes I just wanted to shut crying dd2 in a room and sit and cuddle and read with my big girl - lots of tears from me - but we got through it - dd2 stopped being so traumatised, I felt better, sleep started happening and I could make time for my eldest

I went on to have a 3rd - but with a 4 and 6 year gap!

TheCave · 13/12/2023 20:00

Normal. Mine are 3 and 6 and yesterday I was screamed at an extreme amount due to 6 yo poking her finger in wet paint (obvs I told her a million times not to touch the paint) and then refusing to wash hands. In the meantime 3 yo stuck a seed up her nose and became hysterical. 6 yo then starts screaming that her sister will never get the seed out, grow a tree etc etc. FML. I find 2 of them together really hard work!

Newsenmum · 13/12/2023 20:01

Why are you being so harsh on yourself? Would you want another woman in your situation to be berated and flamed? Give yourself a break. Lower expectations and do whatever you need to do.

thelonemommabear · 13/12/2023 20:11

Single mum to twins since they were 1 and a 6 year old at the time too. Don't worry - I cry regularly and eat a lot of chocolate and have days where I think I'm spectacularly shit at everything too - good days and bad days OP. Take each one at a time - it won't always be like this x

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 13/12/2023 20:14

2.5 year gap with mine. I kept my eldest in nursery, just couldn't cope with two. After the baby started sleeping better (7 months) I dropped the nursery days to a couple of days a week but it was still hard

Nannylovesshopping · 13/12/2023 20:18

Fourteen month gap between my two, hellish until both got up same time, ate same time, napped same time, bath and bed together, then it was a doddle, had my next after four year gap! Keep your sanity, it really does get better🙂

Blessedbethefruitz · 13/12/2023 20:20

I have a 3 year gap too. The second was an easy one luckily, the first was a cmpa reflux baby. I'm still finding it tough at almost 5 and almost 2, because younger is still breastfeeding (like a mad woman as she's at full time nursery) older is in reception and emotional, and both still insist on co sleeping (older has health issues and doesn't sleep through still...).

Older has proven very adaptable around his baby sister after the initial 'what the hell is that thing...' We got lots of quiet things to do at the start when baby was a baby, wooden matching domino games and puzzles etc, that I could do while baby fed and slept, so he still got some me time.

It is tough!

warmmfeet · 13/12/2023 20:20

It's really hard and other people with older kids seem to forget and just keep telling you how special it is. And it is special but omg its relentless. Mine are 2 and 5 now and it does get easier. Keep going 1 day at a time, hour by hour.

ShazzyG71 · 13/12/2023 20:23

Give yourself a break. I’m sure you’re doing a fab job. ❤️
My DS’s are 16 and 23 (both live at home, both have ADHD) I very often sit in the car for 10 minutes when I get home from work mentally preparing myself for what might come! 😂
They’re great individually but seem to trigger each other when they’re together 🙄

VivaVivaa · 13/12/2023 20:25

3yo and 5 month old. I hear you and I see you.

Changington · 13/12/2023 20:26

Normal. I found it got worse before it got better unfortunately. When they are both mobile and run off in opposite directions. 😭

But now they are 7 and 4, both toilet trained, both at school, no more sleepless nights and they are truly best friends. Small (3y) age gaps are really hard in the short term but you're out of it sooner. My sibling has kids age 6 and 2 and I don't envy him still being in the thick of it. 🙈

ItsMyPartyParty · 13/12/2023 20:26

Congratulations you are absolutely normal!

Honestly, the first few months of two was absolute hell for me. I couldn’t get the hang of leaving the house with them both on my own so we were stuck in four desperate walls. Things do get better.