AIBU to think I should leave the magic bracelet issue well alone

[WalkingPrimrose86]

DD is 7, has little best mate at school.

Little Friend gave DD a funny little plastic bracelet from a Barbie play set thing yesterday. Allegedly gave 8 out total to everyone in their little group.

DD got home - I told her I wasn’t at all keen on the ‘magic bracelet gang’ as it sounded like a way of leaving some girls out. I also said it’s best not to borrow and swap toys as they can get easily lost/broken so we decided to return it today with a hug and a thanks but no thanks.

Of course - as is the bloody way - I saw her pocket it first thing then we lost in somewhere on the way to school. She was playing with her gloves in her pockets all the way so I bet it fell out. DD was devastated going in. She did the right thing - told Little Friend and apologised.

I’m told Little Friend started by saying she hated my DD but it was soon ‘better’ and they were okay by playtime.

I did make the (shattered and rightfully dismissive) teacher aware and she said to text Mum. DD does not want me to do this as apparently Little Friend wasn’t allowed to give the bracelets out but did anyway.

AIBU just to leave this? DD seems fine although hopeful we will still magically find it.

My (maybe mean?) feeling is that if Little Friend should’ve really given the bracelets out as this was bound to happen….

I realised I don’t have Mums number but could get it.

I realise this seems a tiny deal, but it’s not to my DD and I don’t want to get it wrong.

Thsnks in advance.

Maybe I’m being dense but I don’t really understand why you’d even be thinking about contacting the mum. What would you even say to her? ’I’ve tracked you down to tell you that your dd gave my dd a cheap plastic bracelet and my dd has now lost it’? What would it achieve? I don’t see that it’s something that requires parental involvement.

You are overthinking this. You don’t need to do anything.

Was DD's friend mad because your DD lost her bracelet or did DD tell her all the other stuff about not wanting it anymore too?

I don’t think you need to do anything. Kids lose things. They also have short attention spans so the bracelets will probably have been forgotten about by next week anyway.

I think you were unreasonable to take it away from her how do you know anyone was left out? Maybe all the friends got one. I think it sounds like a sweet thing for her friend to do and she was understandably upset your daughter rejected her gift. I know mine would be.

Meh. Just leave it.

Both of my sons went through a stage like this at a similar age. Both were told that they weren't allowed to take toys into school or accept toys from others.

Inevitably bits of Lego or bloody Pokemon cards would be smuggled in and lost/"swapped" (ie taken) I was clear that this was the consequence of taking things into school. Lesson learned.

She does want it - I’ve just taught children for enough years to know that once they all start swapping/trading/borrowing/lending things then tears always follow. It’s a lovely thought but they are best of sticking to their own toys and sharing them on play dates etc.

The child gave out bracelets from home after being told not to. Also I’ve taught for years and know that these little cliques always end in tears. If they are having a gang they are by default creating an ‘out’ group. I advised my child to be kind, hug her friend and say thank you but please keep this as your Mummy got it for you. I did not advise her to throw it back in her face, did I.

She does want it - I’ve just taught children for enough years to know that once they all start swapping/trading/borrowing/lending things then tears always follow

Presumably you've also learned that tears happen, they get over it, and they eventually learn not to give away things they care about. I agree with previous posters - you don't need to do anything. The children whose parents step in over every minor friendship blip in primary school are the ones who are still throwing a wobbly about these things in Year 7, much to the exasperation of their teachers.

Blimey, you’ve really built this up.
Don’t message the mum. What would you say? That way madness lies.

Fair point!

Wow, massive overreaction on your part from start to finish.

So are you debating on contacting the child’s mum because she gave the bracelets out when she was told not to? Or to tell her that the child was attempting to form a clique?

Your massively overthinking this ,and massively over involved
Let them be ,it's how they learn

Thanks to all those who responded supportively.

I thought mumsnet was a space to get all kinds of support from other Mums, on issues big and small.

Never mind.

I told her I wasn’t at all keen on the ‘magic bracelet gang’ as it sounded like a way of leaving some girls out. Why? It sounds just like a child giving out little presents to her friends. It's not 'leaving some girls out' to give presents to your friends. There's no obligation to give things to the whole class. Children often love to give a little present to their friends. Of course they're going to give something to their friends and not to children in the class with whom they don't spend time and just co-exist in a classroom together and don't otherwise know. Why do you think of this as forming a clique and leaving others out rather than just as a friendship thing?

Apparently the other girl wasn't meant to give them out, but it sounds like your objection was to any little present even not knowing about that, so would have been the same if the other girl had received a bracelet making kit and made her friends bracelets, with full knowledge of her parents, and that's what seems odd and unreasonable.

I don't see what on earth you'd want to tell the other mother.

It is none of your business whether this child has done something her parents told her not to. That is for them to deal with. I do not even know why you got involved in this at all, you appear to have created an issue out of absolutely nothing. And the other mother is going to think you are very weird if you contact her over this.

I think, kindly, you are interfering in a natural path of their vital learning.

They need to make mistakes to learn from them.

If you try and police this situation, where will you stop?

I totally understand why you’re approaching this from a teachers perspective, however, in this case it would be better to just be the parent. The only friendship wobbles/dramas my kids had at school were with kids whose parents are teachers and meddled. Honestly I know it’s hard but you have to sit on your hands and let the kids get on with it.

well not everyone has to agree with you.

FWIW i think it's fine for groups of friends to build up - or should all girls always be kind to everyone and let everyone be their friend for ever and ever? we KNOW where that leads.

Your daughter told her friend. Her friend has taken it on the chin. There is no need for your involvement. Definitely no need for you to have burdened the teacher with this, and no need to contact the other mum. It will play out as it plays out. And that is it.

Nah just leave it.

If little friend's mum contacts you, just tell her what happened and leave it at that.

I thought mumsnet was a space to get all kinds of support from other Mums, on issues big and small

It is. You just don't like what you've been told which was, by the way, 100% right.

The Batshit threads continue

Personally, I would buy little bracelets and give one back to the friend and keep one for DD. No harm in consolidating the friendship.

It's also a place where you can be told you're overthinking things massively..........which you are.