AIBU to think I should leave the magic bracelet issue well alone

[WalkingPrimrose86]

DD is 7, has little best mate at school.

Little Friend gave DD a funny little plastic bracelet from a Barbie play set thing yesterday. Allegedly gave 8 out total to everyone in their little group.

DD got home - I told her I wasn’t at all keen on the ‘magic bracelet gang’ as it sounded like a way of leaving some girls out. I also said it’s best not to borrow and swap toys as they can get easily lost/broken so we decided to return it today with a hug and a thanks but no thanks.

Of course - as is the bloody way - I saw her pocket it first thing then we lost in somewhere on the way to school. She was playing with her gloves in her pockets all the way so I bet it fell out. DD was devastated going in. She did the right thing - told Little Friend and apologised.

I’m told Little Friend started by saying she hated my DD but it was soon ‘better’ and they were okay by playtime.

I did make the (shattered and rightfully dismissive) teacher aware and she said to text Mum. DD does not want me to do this as apparently Little Friend wasn’t allowed to give the bracelets out but did anyway.

AIBU just to leave this? DD seems fine although hopeful we will still magically find it.

My (maybe mean?) feeling is that if Little Friend should’ve really given the bracelets out as this was bound to happen….

I realised I don’t have Mums number but could get it.

I realise this seems a tiny deal, but it’s not to my DD and I don’t want to get it wrong.

Thsnks in advance.

I think it's odd to expect childhood to be a place where everyone pretends to be friends with everyone where as adults can choose who to spend time with and give presents to. I don't think 1 child out of a class should be left out but kids forming small gangs of people they like is normal.

How to make a massive mountain out of nothing.
So little friend gave a few others a present. You object as not everyone got a present, and then your daughter lost the present.

It was plastic tat

Ah mama you need to swerve this stuff. It's a normal thing they navigate themselves. Stop now before you get emeshed in the teens. No good comes of it.

We've just had a similar situation with DC. If I was you, I'd send the message. Friends parent will appreciate it and saves any sort of misunderstanding/lies etc etc.
just a quick one, to say your daughter gave mine a bracelet, I had asked her to return it back to her this morning but she's lost it on the way to school.
Last thing you want is little friend telling her parents that the bracelets went missing/were taken by someone etc.

It's going to be a long road if you are thinking about this sort of stuff to this extent.

I'm not a believer in children having to play with everyone and not leave anyone out. The falling in and out of friends, having a best friend, falling out with that friend, cementing friendships groups by forming little clubs, cliques, etc. is how children learn about relationships and practise them for future more serious long term ones. Yes, guide them, talk to them about being kind, talk to them about how people might feel if they leave someone out to be deliberately unkind, but let them sort things out themselves unless it's critical.

My advice, stop meddling and pick your battles! Stop trying to engineer your child's friendships, if they want to have a little gang, let them, it's not like the friend gave them to the whole class bar one person.

Ignore people jumping all over this OP, this should be a place you can ask questions big and small.

Don’t text the mum. I wouldn’t have mentioned it to the teacher.

I would tell my daughter this is exactly why lending things out could end in tears - you might lose or break them.

You could encourage your daughter to use a little bit of her pocket money to replace it. It might make her think twice about accepting it as a loan next time.

I don’t think you need to worry about cliques or groups from the sounds of this, unless they are intentionally excluding someone.

*"I thought mumsnet was a space to get all kinds of support from other Mums, on issues big and small."

*It is generally. AIBU though is not really the place for support..

Being told you are overthinking something is also being kind and supportive! You can now let it go, safe in the knowledge that its nothing to be concerned about

You've got far too involved. So far as possible leave them to sort their friendships out and learn through trial and error

As long as it wasn’t a Diamond or gold bracelet that belonged to the mother , I wouldn’t stress about it. Children forget stuff like this.