My family has disowned me after me eloping

[Justwed2023]

I have been with my now husband for 4 years we have had a baby only 4 months ago. He proposed a week before having our baby.
we set a date just after having our baby for a years time. A bit of background my family don’t get on. My brothers cannot be in the same room as eachother. My mum doesn’t talk to another brother and my sister doesn’t talk to two brothers.
I have fallen out with my sister and mum a couple of times. My mum isn’t very nice to me sometimes example when she found out we couldn’t afford to buy our house she smirked. My sister is very selfish and threatened to not come to my baby shower.
after taking with my now husband we decided all that matters is that we are married. We love eachother and don’t need the stress of planning a wedding so we decided to go to grenta green and not tell anyone.
once married I told my family to which I haven’t spoken to any of them for 3 weeks now. I’m hurt as I feel like they are only thinking of their own feelings and are not happy for me. I’ve been in abusive relationships and finally I’m happy.
I understand they would of liked to have been there but they don’t understand why I did it.

You know your history with abusive relationships @Justwed2023

guess how you were conditioned into thinking abuse was normal?

your family.

they sound awful and you sound lovely

if they can’t be happy for you, fuck them. Honestly. Just leave them to it.

dont chase them, don’t do anything to try to engage them and If they try to get a reaction from you just say “well, it’s a shame you can’t be happy for me, but that is more of a reflection on you than it is for me. I’d rather have people happy for me in my life than this shit show of a family, you’re all welcome to each other”

some people are so bitter and sad. Leave them in their misery.

Congratulations on your wedding OP, may your marriage be long and happy.

As to your family, long may they be not talking to you! I can't see not being in touch with such toxic people as anything other than a positive thing.

You did the right thing for you, OP - I think you know that.

If they push back just tell them you weren't going to pay out thousands to get them all together when half of them don't even speak. - put it straight back on them!

At the end of the day it's your wedding and you get to choose.

I hope your day was perfect.x.

I say this with good intentions but I think this is a bit hypocritical to be honest. You didn't want to plan a wedding because you couldn't be bothered with them and you were thinking of your own feelings and what was right for you, so you got married in secret. Now you're upset that they are only thinking of their own feelings because their upset about it?

Yanbu for eloping but yabu to be upset they aren't speaking to you.

And given everything you said - why do you care and did you really expect anything different?

Focus on making your own family nothing like the one you grew up in. Let it and then go and get on with your own happiness.

For most people, I'm not a fan of elopements BUT, from the description in your opening post, you family sound like a dysfunctional nightmare, so I'd say what you did sounds like a really good decision for you and your dh.
I feel sorry for his family, being left out, because your family are a nightmare, but in terms of your question about your family, it sounds like you are better off with very little contact anyway.

I eloped to Gretna Green too! Never regretted it. Congratulations on your wedding.

It sounds like you have seriously dodged a bullet by not arranging a traditional wedding with your toxic family. Can you imagine the stress of planning who’s coming, who’s ignoring who, who won’t come if X is invited? I can’t even imagine how difficult it would be to keep everybody happy in such circumstances. You’d tie yourself in knots with it all. You’ve spared yourself all that, so although they’re been arsey about it now, imagine how it would be dragged out over months of planning.

Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Read up on toxic families and allow yourself time to heal. Focus on your baby and husband and creating a happy, stable family with them. You and your baby are better off without them.

Sounds like hte best wedding present you could have got there, married to the bloke you love AND your family of twats all fuck off into the distance never to be seen again.

Hurrah for that, now crack on building your own family of non-twats :D

I am sorry that your family are such a nightmare. A decent family member would be glad that you've found happiness with your husband and child, not disown you for not having a wedding of the sort they want. Sadly they seem to be very dysfunctional, and to have poor relationships with one another, not just you. You are better off having escaped them and found love with your partner.

Congratulations!

They are in the wrong.

My beloved sister told me I couldn't come to her wedding. She didn't want a big thing just to get married. Broke my heart as I love her and wanted to be there but I accepted it because it's HER day and I love her. In the end I got a last minute invite and was so blessed to be included myself and my dd were 2 of the 4 guests. But had I not got the invite I would not have sulked and would not of seen/spoke less.

It was your wedding not theirs. F**k their moods not your problem