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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

6 year old in the front seat

42 replies

CandyFluff99 · 11/12/2023 21:29

I know I am not being unreasonable, but need to get this off my chest. My (very small) 6 year old daughter has recently started seeing her dad at a contact centre. We are in family court proceedings. I do not want contact to happen. He has already tried to intimidate me by waiting for me outside the contact centre, and tells our daughter how devastated he is when she's not with him which she's now feeling guilty about. Just highly inappropriate and shit parenting. She's now having tantrums because apparently her dad lets her sit in the front of the car without a car seat, with a tablet in her hands. I am just so furious that he is continuing to put her at risk (I raised in one of my statements years ago that he tried to take her in the front of the car on his lap when she was a few months old) - it's s pattern of shitty parenting.

I'm notnbeing dramatic, am I? It's so bloody dangerous. I hate that he's putting her at risk physically and emotionally and there's nothing I can do.

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 11/12/2023 21:37

The contact centre is meant to make sur E that she is safe when in his care, if you are just using it as a pick up zone you could ask them to check he has an appropriate seat restraint.

I would also makes sure she means when he is actually driving and not just when they are sat in it stationary as it's easy for a young child to misunderstand

Original poster
CandyFluff99 · 11/12/2023 21:40

Singleandproud · 11/12/2023 21:37

The contact centre is meant to make sur E that she is safe when in his care, if you are just using it as a pick up zone you could ask them to check he has an appropriate seat restraint.

I would also makes sure she means when he is actually driving and not just when they are sat in it stationary as it's easy for a young child to misunderstand

Apparently they were driving. She told her dad that she wasn't allowed to sit in the front with me and he told her it's because he's a better driver than me and because girls can't drive. It took every bit of strength in my body to not say anything to her and just pretend everything was fine.

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 11/12/2023 21:47

@CandyFluff99 the contact centre will report back to the court that organised them, all you can do is bring it to their attention and ask them to intervene. If it comes as an observation from them it'll have more clout than a complaint from you

Original poster
CandyFluff99 · 11/12/2023 21:49

Singleandproud · 11/12/2023 21:47

@CandyFluff99 the contact centre will report back to the court that organised them, all you can do is bring it to their attention and ask them to intervene. If it comes as an observation from them it'll have more clout than a complaint from you

I've raised it with them. I've raised it with Cafcass who are understanding and said it's a concern. I'm raising it in my statement but he just doesn't care. He likes to exert his control over me and is angry that the courts aren't allowing overnight contact.

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 11/12/2023 21:49

Sit her in the front seat of your car. It's much more fun when they are there and you can chat properly.

fitforflight · 11/12/2023 21:52

Ablondiebutagoody · 11/12/2023 21:49

Sit her in the front seat of your car. It's much more fun when they are there and you can chat properly.

Except this misses the point entirely because what the OPs ex is doing is illegal.

titchy · 11/12/2023 21:53

Ablondiebutagoody · 11/12/2023 21:49

Sit her in the front seat of your car. It's much more fun when they are there and you can chat properly.

Safety is more important than fun.

ElevenSeven · 11/12/2023 21:55

A 6yo will still need some type of car seat, but there’s nothing to say he can’t put this in the front seat.

Original poster
CandyFluff99 · 11/12/2023 21:56

Ablondiebutagoody · 11/12/2023 21:49

Sit her in the front seat of your car. It's much more fun when they are there and you can chat properly.

My friend's daughter had to undergo brain surgery because she was in the front of a car in an accident without a car seat and is lucky she didn't end up permanently disabled. Her son who was in the back was fine. I will put my daughter in the front when she is old or tall enough.

OP posts:
Original poster
CandyFluff99 · 11/12/2023 21:57

ElevenSeven · 11/12/2023 21:55

A 6yo will still need some type of car seat, but there’s nothing to say he can’t put this in the front seat.

But the point is he didn't put her in a car seat. I know my daughter and knownshe wouldn't lie about that part. She said she didn't need her car seat and could sit in the front because her dad is good at driving. She's now arguing about going in her seat.

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 11/12/2023 21:58

Well yes, obviously with a car seat or booster. Jesus 🤦‍♀️

Original poster
CandyFluff99 · 11/12/2023 21:59

Ablondiebutagoody · 11/12/2023 21:58

Well yes, obviously with a car seat or booster. Jesus 🤦‍♀️

Still not safe or advised.

OP posts:
ElevenSeven · 11/12/2023 22:02

I will put my daughter in the front when she is old or tall enough.

And that’s absolutely fine, but if her father wanted to put her in the front in a car seat, that would also be his choice. You can’t control this.

Wishitsnows · 11/12/2023 22:03

Front seat is fine with airbag off, seat pushed back and in a proper car seat. However this shit specimen of a ‘dad’ is putting her in danger with no car seat. He is no doubt purely doing it to make you anxious and upset. It’s terrible cafcass or nobody else will do anything. Can you advise the police the time he will be leaving the centre next time so they can pull him over for no car seat?

PuttingDownRoots · 11/12/2023 22:03

Front seat isn't illegal. Not as safe, but not illegal. Neither is a tablet.

She needs to be in the correct careers for her height/weight. Most likely a HBB. That is a legal requirement.

fitforflight · 11/12/2023 22:04

ElevenSeven · 11/12/2023 22:02

I will put my daughter in the front when she is old or tall enough.

And that’s absolutely fine, but if her father wanted to put her in the front in a car seat, that would also be his choice. You can’t control this.

But the father isn't putting her in a car seat in the front... She's in the front without a car seat.

ElevenSeven · 11/12/2023 22:05

fitforflight · 11/12/2023 22:04

But the father isn't putting her in a car seat in the front... She's in the front without a car seat.

Show quote history

Yes, I can read thanks. The OP has replied that she still wouldn’t be happy if she was in the front in a seat.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 11/12/2023 22:06

So next time report him to the police. While your dd is still in one piece...

Original poster
CandyFluff99 · 11/12/2023 22:06

ElevenSeven · 11/12/2023 22:05

Yes, I can read thanks. The OP has replied that she still wouldn’t be happy if she was in the front in a seat.

Show quote history

Did I?

OP posts:
fitforflight · 11/12/2023 22:08

ElevenSeven · 11/12/2023 22:05

Yes, I can read thanks. The OP has replied that she still wouldn’t be happy if she was in the front in a seat.

Show quote history

Where? The OP said she wouldn't be putting her daughter in the front until she's old/tall enough. She hasn't said she'd be unhappy with the ex if this was the case. She's unhappy because her daughter is in the front without a car seat.

Ablondiebutagoody · 11/12/2023 22:09

fitforflight · 11/12/2023 22:08

Where? The OP said she wouldn't be putting her daughter in the front until she's old/tall enough. She hasn't said she'd be unhappy with the ex if this was the case. She's unhappy because her daughter is in the front without a car seat.

Show quote history

Because the ex is a better driver?

mamma65432 · 11/12/2023 22:09

An airbag going off would probably break a child's ribs, I do wonder why people think its okay to have small children in the front and do they bollocks turn it off.

fitforflight · 11/12/2023 22:11

Ablondiebutagoody · 11/12/2023 22:09

Because the ex is a better driver?

Show quote history

What are you on about?

TwiddlingMyToes · 11/12/2023 22:11

I know of a family where a parent took a six year old out in the front seat of a car without a car seat, lost control of the car and the child died.

I would absolutely be pursuing the use of a car seat if nothing else.

Original poster
CandyFluff99 · 11/12/2023 22:13

Ablondiebutagoody · 11/12/2023 22:09

Because the ex is a better driver?

Show quote history

I don't really understand why people leave comments like this. I'm worried my child is being put at risk. There's a reason a contact centre is being used. He abused both of us. There has been ongoing abuse which has been proven in court. I really didn't think being upset with my daughter being in the front seat with no car seat was that unreasonable.

OP posts:
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