6 year old in the front seat

[CandyFluff99]

I know I am not being unreasonable, but need to get this off my chest. My (very small) 6 year old daughter has recently started seeing her dad at a contact centre. We are in family court proceedings. I do not want contact to happen. He has already tried to intimidate me by waiting for me outside the contact centre, and tells our daughter how devastated he is when she's not with him which she's now feeling guilty about. Just highly inappropriate and shit parenting. She's now having tantrums because apparently her dad lets her sit in the front of the car without a car seat, with a tablet in her hands. I am just so furious that he is continuing to put her at risk (I raised in one of my statements years ago that he tried to take her in the front of the car on his lap when she was a few months old) - it's s pattern of shitty parenting.

I'm notnbeing dramatic, am I? It's so bloody dangerous. I hate that he's putting her at risk physically and emotionally and there's nothing I can do.

I don't think that you are being unreasonable either OP. I was just suggesting that to avoid tantrums you could put her in the front of your car. It would be nice for you both.

Is she definitely going without a car seat? My DD said Grandma lets her go without a car seat when actually what she meant was GM puts her on a booster cushion and not in a ‘big seat’.

If his contact is in a contact centre, where is he driving her to and from? Surely the point of the contact centre is so that he’s not unsupervised with her??

For a forward facing car seat or booster whether you should leave it on or off depends on your car. If you have to put a child in the front as you’ve got several in seats and it’s the only way to get everyone in then you should consult your car’s manual about the airbag.

It's for handovers as he is still deemed a risk to me. Long history of physical, emotional and sexual abuse.

Ah ok - so once the handover has happened he’s free to take her out?
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to be upset about a 6 yr old in the front seat. I do sometimes let my 9 yr old sit in the front but only if I know I’m going a very short distance in 20-30 mph zones. I wouldn’t have done this when he was 6.

The law is children over 12 or 135 cm tall for sitting in the front to protect them, I have seen first hand the amount of pain and breathing difficulties caused by rib damage an airbag going off can inflict on an adult female at a less than 30 mph crash and I've seen it twice recently, a small car and lorry both travelling at less than 30 mph.

Yes exactly.

Not in the UK it’s not- the law is 12 or 135cm (whichever comes for first) for not using a car seat. Separately children aged over 3 can legally travel in the back, but not the front, without a car seat in some circumstances like it’s an unexpected journey, another seat won’t fit or it’s a taxi. It’s perfectly legal to put a child, in the correct car seat for their age, in the front. Lots of people with 3+ kids have to do this as there’s no other way of fitting everyone in. The seat should be pushed as far back as it goes. For a rear facing seat the airbag should always be off. If the seat is forward facing then consult your car’s manual.

I think the poster was referring to my circs re without a car seat

In that case it would be just as illegal in the back as the front since the journey definitely isn’t unexpected and presuming that he’s not a minicab driver or there aren’t 3 other kids in seats already in the car.

Hopefully the contact centre will be able to intervene or could you maybe send her with a booster cushion? I know they’re not the best seats ever but she could carry/fit it herself and at least it would give proper belt position so better than nothing.

But why?! I never understand this. I mean.you don't have to rant but at the very least, challenge the "girls can't drive" statement.

He has a car seat in the back he obviously just didn't use it.

I have challenged it. There's a long list of misogynistic behaviour I have challenged but my main concern in this moment was the lack of car seat.

You're right OP, it's illegal for him to drive her without a booster seat. The seat she is sitting in, you're right about the injury risk but it is legal for him to do that. The booster seat is the legal difference here and this is what you should focus on.

Idiot. I see why he’s your ex. But the real issue here is the fact that she’s not in a seat, not the fact that she’s sitting in the front because that’s not illegal in itself. Would the contact centre staff be willing to walk him to the car and ensure that DD is strapped in before letting him drive off? Obviously it doesn’t stop what happens after that point but it might make him rethink if it comes from someone neutral? Or send DD with her toys in a trunki booster pack backpack? Then she can sit on that in the front to ‘see better’?? And then at least it’s not illegal and it would correctly position the seatbelt so would be safer than what he’s doing currently.

You’re not being unreasonable at all. I work in Emergency Dept. Airbag can break adults bones (albeit save their lives)…Or break a child’s face/ neck. People rarely think to turn them off ‘for one trip’. To say it’s perfectly fine is ignorant at best, wilfully negligent at worst. Back seat until 12.

https://pedemmorsels.com/airbag-injury-and-children/#:~:text=Head%20and%20Neck%20Injuries%20are%20the%20Biggest%20Concern!&text=Often%20in%20rear%2Dfacing%20car,more%20often%20seen%20with%20Infants.