Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Need help with what to write

46 replies

PurpleOrchid42 · 11/12/2023 16:34

Not an AIBU, but more needing help composing a message. The message is to our neighbour, so I want to hit the perfect spot of fair and reasonable.

So... our neighbours behind us live in a large house (over £1m asking price) with a huge garden. One is a surgeon, the other a GP. We've lived next to them for 9 years. In that time they had a huge extension on the back of their house (probably 8 years ago). So I'm going to guess they're not short on cash. The access to their property is a drive that crosses a stream. Every winter, at some point, the stream floods, cutting off their access. So every year, at some point, they climb over a fence at the end of our drive to get out of their property. Probably 9 years ago, they actually asked if they could put a gate in our fence so they could use it when their drive floods. I said no, absolutely not, as I feel this would affect the value of our home/ability to sell and may have legal implications. Some years they remember to ask if it's okay for them to climb our fence and walk up and down our drive. Other years they don't. Today, one of them text my husband saying they had a coal and wood deliveries booked, which they'd probably have to cancel, but could we let their Ocado delivery be passed over the fence. My husband said yes to this, but wasn't asked about anything else. I saw the Ocado delivery happening around lunchtime. 2pm I go out to my car and there's a dog ramp, with a big paper sign on it saying 'Dogs Only' leaning on our fence on our side!!

So I'm annoyed. They have not asked if they can use our drive for general access, or to leave a ramp there. They have not, in 9 years, applied for planning to resolve the issue. They just expect to use our property.

So I want to write an email asking why there is a ramp on their drive, and asking how they intend to solve this problem long term, as we don't feel it's fair that they expect to use our property ad infinitum. What do you think I should say/how should I word this to avoid drama?

Thank you if you got this far!!!

OP posts:
Headband · 11/12/2023 16:36

Would it be better to go round and have a chat about it?

contactus · 11/12/2023 16:39

had they asked… presumably you’d have said no?

contactus · 11/12/2023 16:40

So every year, at some point, they climb over a fence at the end of our drive to get out of their property

why on earth would you have an issue with this?!

SoupDragon · 11/12/2023 16:41

contactus · 11/12/2023 16:40

So every year, at some point, they climb over a fence at the end of our drive to get out of their property

why on earth would you have an issue with this?!

Well, it can damage the fence for a start. They aren't designed to be climbed over. Plus you don't want to be accidentally creating some kind of right of access.

EvilElsa · 11/12/2023 16:44

If this happens every year then they need to take steps to rectify the flooding issue. I certainly wouldn't be adding a gate (!) or allowing them to frequently straddle a fence potentially causing damage.
How bad is the flooding that they can't access their property at all? Is it wading level?

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 11/12/2023 16:44

Do you have "random strip" you want to sell to them?

Reduces your drive but no future potential right of way by common usage issues and you might get a nice sum.

Or is your drive too small to negotiate?

Don't go to war, go collaborative solution focused amd see if you want get the best outcome for you.

NoNoNanette · 11/12/2023 16:45

@ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees

Ransom strip?

EvilElsa · 11/12/2023 16:47

It was pretty bloody stupid of them to build a massive extension as a priority -but fail to address a serious flooding issue which entirely cuts off their property. I'd be sorely tempted to build a great big shed or plant a big prickly hedge across that part of the fence.

Choosychoice · 11/12/2023 16:50

I don’t get why you are being so arsey OP. Chill out. I’d be totally fine with that.

Original poster
PurpleOrchid42 · 11/12/2023 16:53

Choosychoice · 11/12/2023 16:50

I don’t get why you are being so arsey OP. Chill out. I’d be totally fine with that.

Because its exceptionally rude to do all of this without asking, and to prioritise your own extension, assuming you can just use our drive whenever you like, without asking, and climb our fence. Our drive is long, and another house already has right of access over it. We don't want to add another, and put anyone off ever buying our property. Plus their dog ramp is now in the way of where I reverse to turn my car and get out of my drive!

OP posts:
Original poster
PurpleOrchid42 · 11/12/2023 16:55

EvilElsa · 11/12/2023 16:47

It was pretty bloody stupid of them to build a massive extension as a priority -but fail to address a serious flooding issue which entirely cuts off their property. I'd be sorely tempted to build a great big shed or plant a big prickly hedge across that part of the fence.

Well there is actually a hawthorn hedge and two apple trees growing there, and I think they're kind of snapping part of it to make their access easier...

OP posts:
Original poster
PurpleOrchid42 · 11/12/2023 16:57

contactus · 11/12/2023 16:40

So every year, at some point, they climb over a fence at the end of our drive to get out of their property

why on earth would you have an issue with this?!

Why wouldn't I??

OP posts:
EvilElsa · 11/12/2023 16:58

That makes it worse! So they are causing damage already. You should include this in your email. Chuck the ramp back over the fence.

nutbrownhare15 · 11/12/2023 16:59

Hello, can I check if the dog ramp on our drive is yours? It's impeding my car access to the drive. I was also wondering if there had been any progress in resolving the flooding issue as this would make things easier all round? Thanks.

CharmedCult · 11/12/2023 17:00

Well firstly I'd remove the dog ramp and store it in my garage until they ask about it...

Or lash it over the fence back onto their property.

Original poster
PurpleOrchid42 · 11/12/2023 17:00

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 11/12/2023 16:44

Do you have "random strip" you want to sell to them?

Reduces your drive but no future potential right of way by common usage issues and you might get a nice sum.

Or is your drive too small to negotiate?

Don't go to war, go collaborative solution focused amd see if you want get the best outcome for you.

Not possible as our neighbour has right of access to their property over our drive. So we own it, but they are allowed to pass over it to access their property. So we can't just sell part of it to someone else... or at least even it we did it would be massively off putting to anyone wishing to buy our house.

OP posts:
CharmedCult · 11/12/2023 17:00

Any chance of a diagram? Grin

Original poster
PurpleOrchid42 · 11/12/2023 17:01

What I mean is, our other neighbour next door has right of access over our drive. The house behind it nothing to do with us, and basically just seem really cheeky at this point.

OP posts:
Original poster
PurpleOrchid42 · 11/12/2023 17:02

CharmedCult · 11/12/2023 17:00

Well firstly I'd remove the dog ramp and store it in my garage until they ask about it...

Or lash it over the fence back onto their property.

That was my idea too, but husband doesn't want to upset anyone.

OP posts:
EvilElsa · 11/12/2023 17:04

Well they are not particularly concerned about upsetting you while bunging ramps on your drive and snapping your trees....

Original poster
PurpleOrchid42 · 11/12/2023 17:04

nutbrownhare15 · 11/12/2023 16:59

Hello, can I check if the dog ramp on our drive is yours? It's impeding my car access to the drive. I was also wondering if there had been any progress in resolving the flooding issue as this would make things easier all round? Thanks.

Thank you, that's the sort of thing I was thinking.

OP posts:
ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 11/12/2023 17:04

That's a lot of neighbours in your garden. I don't envy you but I would still try to find an amicable solution if at all possible.

If not, them zero tolerance.

Original poster
PurpleOrchid42 · 11/12/2023 17:06

EvilElsa · 11/12/2023 17:04

Well they are not particularly concerned about upsetting you while bunging ramps on your drive and snapping your trees....

I know, this is what I find really offensive. The cheek of it! And then on top of that, I'm 43 years old, with 2 kids, yet on the odd occasion I see the GP walking her dog, she is patronising. So I'm not really in the mood to put up with it going forward TBH.

OP posts:
Original poster
PurpleOrchid42 · 11/12/2023 17:08

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 11/12/2023 17:04

That's a lot of neighbours in your garden. I don't envy you but I would still try to find an amicable solution if at all possible.

If not, them zero tolerance.

Exactly, it's not brilliant having to effectively share a drive, but our next door neighbours, the ones with right of access, are generally fair and abide by the rules, as we always do too. But it's like those behind think our property is fair game or something.

OP posts:
DontDareToGetOld · 11/12/2023 17:09

You sound envious of their careers and lifestyle.