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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School trip

38 replies

user7556 · 11/12/2023 13:11

DS school wants to take the whole school on a trip in a couple of months. DS is in reception and he is autistic, he does have a 1:1 but the thought of him being gone a whole day makes me feel anxious and to be quite honest I don't know how he would cope with the whole experience.

AIBU for not wanting him to go? Can I say no that I don't want him to or perhaps school will already suggest that he doesn't attend anyway?

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 11/12/2023 13:14

Having ASD shouldn’t mean that he misses out on the nice things at school. He had a 1:2:1 .. trust them, and the school, to do thier job.

Mothership4two · 11/12/2023 13:15

Talk to his teacher and support worker about your anxiety about this trip.

Original poster
user7556 · 11/12/2023 13:15

@ExtraOnions I know what you mean. It just really makes me feel anxious though, I've no idea how he would manage or how they would manage with him in an unfamiliar place

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 11/12/2023 13:15

You can say you don’t want him to go. They would expect you to keep him at home instead.
Have you discussed it with them? They will have to risk assess, issues regarding children who might struggle would be part of this. They should already have a plan. They may suggest he not attained but that’s not good practice. Can you go with him? That’s sometimes an option.

MinnieMountain · 11/12/2023 13:17

How do you know until you try? The children with SEN in DS’s year (5) have largely always gone on school day trips.

Smartiepants79 · 11/12/2023 13:18

I have taught many children with varying Sen from 4 up.
I can’t ever remember us not managing to take one of our kids safely on a trip. We’re all off to the panto soon. Several of ours are asd. They’re all coming and I expect them to all be fine with some support.

SomersetBrie · 11/12/2023 13:18

Would he enjoy the trip if you were there with him?
If he would, then I would ask to go along.
I can understand your concerns as he is so little. You going along as well might help both of you for any future trips.

Crunchymum · 11/12/2023 13:20

Are you able to go along as a parent volunteer? I know this isn't an option for everyone (nor will it work for everyone) but it's an idea?

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 11/12/2023 13:24

If you've really no idea how he would be with it, then I'd gently suggest you should let him go. He has a 121, they'll be with him, he may absolutely love it - and wouldn't that be amazing?

Is there any way you could be free that day? It might help your anxiety if you are able to go too, or even if there was a problem they could call you to come to him? Knowing that might help you be a bit more confident and in control that there's a plan to make it work?

But you should absolutely speak to his teacher and explain your worries and ask how they're planning to support him on the day.

DramaLlama12 · 11/12/2023 13:29

I'm a 1:1 at a primary school .
The risk assessment would have been done and they do try to get the children to go with some adjustments if needed. Could you go? That would be sencos first question so the child has a 2:1 .
The last trip we went on I insisted another person came as I know tackling the roads and parts of the trip would have been tricky just having 1 person there. Are reigns an option if you or another member of staff can't go on the trip ? This was option 2 bevuse of the nature of the trip. Busy roads , running off etc
You can say you don't want the child to go that's option 3 , the child would either stay at school or you'd be expected to keep the child home.
There are some trips that some children absolutely get nothing from and there's nothing that they benefit from the trip but some sencos are all about including the child in every aspect
The last trip we went on he got nothing from but the next trip I think he would enjoy.

Sirzy · 11/12/2023 13:31

Talk to school but make it a conversation based on how to make it work if possible.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 11/12/2023 13:32

user7556 · 11/12/2023 13:15

@ExtraOnions I know what you mean. It just really makes me feel anxious though, I've no idea how he would manage or how they would manage with him in an unfamiliar place

It makes YOU feel anxious. don’t limit your child’s experiences based on how YOU feel. If the school are happy to support then of course he should go.

Guibhyl · 11/12/2023 13:34

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 11/12/2023 13:32

It makes YOU feel anxious. don’t limit your child’s experiences based on how YOU feel. If the school are happy to support then of course he should go.

Edited
Show quote history

This. It’s not about you.

Guibhyl · 11/12/2023 13:37

Also it can’t even be that far away if they are going there and back in one day with a bunch of 4 and 5 year olds.

If he struggles or has a meltdown then they will deal with it. If he’s in mainstream school with a 1:1 then they will be used to dealing with these sorts of situations. Give him a chance, he might enjoy it. What’s the worst that you think will happen?

SnowsFalling · 11/12/2023 13:38

Do you ever go out with him for the day? Ever take him somewhere different? If the answers to both those are no, you perhaps have a point. Otherwise, let school carry out the risk assessments, and ask to see them (I don't know if they will do this or not), or ask how they I tend to keep your son safe.

Jinglingallthewaytochristmas · 11/12/2023 13:38

Talk to the school. Could you drive and meet them there? That way you are there to help but can take him home if he is overwhelmed.

saraclara · 11/12/2023 13:38

user7556 · 11/12/2023 13:15

@ExtraOnions I know what you mean. It just really makes me feel anxious though, I've no idea how he would manage or how they would manage with him in an unfamiliar place

I taught in a special school, and we took my class of 5-7 year olds/the whole key stage out regularly, sometimes half days, sometimes whole days. And we worked on one TA to two children, plus me.

If your child has a 1 to 1, he'll be fine. He'll likely just follow the other children's lead regarding how he manages the day. My pupils had very severe learning difficulties/Autism, but never once did we have any issues with them being disturbed or anxious about being away from school (other than one who didn't like the darkness in the theatre, but I was able to manage that for him with the help of the theatre staff).

I know you're just at the beginning of handing over your trust to his teachers, but let him go. And have trust in his growing ability to manage new situations.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 11/12/2023 13:43

Don't automatically exclude him from the trip because you're feeling anxious. Speak to the school and highlight any concerns that you may have about the place he's going and hopefully they'll be able to reassure you.

FatherJoseFernandez · 11/12/2023 14:07

Crunchymum · 11/12/2023 13:20

Are you able to go along as a parent volunteer? I know this isn't an option for everyone (nor will it work for everyone) but it's an idea?

⬆️This. At least he can take part, join in with the rest of the class and still feel comfortable. It’s worth asking.

CaptainMyCaptain · 11/12/2023 14:10

ExtraOnions · 11/12/2023 13:14

Having ASD shouldn’t mean that he misses out on the nice things at school. He had a 1:2:1 .. trust them, and the school, to do thier job.

This. They will have done a thorough risk assessment.

lifehappens12 · 11/12/2023 14:13

Can you go to? When my son was in reception I was asked to come to support him. He has additional needs and a parent come to support each child with additional needs to support the staff

Bournetilly · 11/12/2023 14:16

Where is the trip to? What would he usually be like at this type of place? If he would usually be ok then I would let him go with the 1:1. I’d probably be on stand by just incase they have any issues and you could pick him up.

Mumof2teens79 · 11/12/2023 14:17

What's the trip?
How are they travelling?
How long will they be gone.

It's quite unusual to do a whole school trip...unless a very small school. Typically these trips leave after registration (9.30) get where they are going around 10/10.30
Do an activity, have lunch, a short activity, and back to school for 3pm. It's not really a full day.

But you can of course say no....they need your permission and you just don't give it.

Fionaville · 11/12/2023 14:20

He'll be absolutely fine with his TA. My boy was excluded from a lot at that age before he had a 1:1. Don't let your own anxieties be the thing that excludes him. I'd also have a look at what your local offer is, in terms of groups that he could attend without you. Going forward it's really important that he spends time with other children/people like him, to be part of an accepting community. Lots of parents see these things as a break for them, so refuse it on that basis as they feel they don't need it. But it's actually to help the child become integrated into their community. Of course you can offer to go along on the school trip, but it should always be about what will make your child happier, not what would make you feel better. It's hard, I know.

Original poster
user7556 · 11/12/2023 14:25

Thanks everybody for the replies. The school are going to a zoo about an hour away. We've only been to one once before with DS, but he was much younger then so being honest I don't think he got much out of the trip but he might do now.

There are a few things which are worrying me. He will have a new 1:1 after Christmas so he will be adjusting to that initially, not sure how that's going to go. He's a runner and he's never taken to reins, so if we do anything similar at home we still use a buggy to keep him safe. He struggles to focus and certainly can't stand in a queue for any amount of time. He also has no sense of danger and fixates on open doors & gates.

I'll speak to the school first and see what they think, might be an option I suppose that either me or DH can go with him

OP posts: