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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

School trip

38 replies

user7556 · 11/12/2023 13:11

DS school wants to take the whole school on a trip in a couple of months. DS is in reception and he is autistic, he does have a 1:1 but the thought of him being gone a whole day makes me feel anxious and to be quite honest I don't know how he would cope with the whole experience.

AIBU for not wanting him to go? Can I say no that I don't want him to or perhaps school will already suggest that he doesn't attend anyway?

OP posts:

Mariposista · 11/12/2023 14:27

This should be 100% about the child and whether he would enjoy the experience, be safe and not compromise the safety or enjoyment of the other children (doubt that this would happen if he has a 1:1). Mother’s anxiety is irrelevant.

TreacleMines · 11/12/2023 14:35

He doesn’t have to go, you can absolutely say no.

However I would speak to the school about the plans, and him about what he thinks (if he has the capacity for that sort of conversation) before you decide.

My son has asd, adhd and gets extremely anxious (he hated school and we had to remove him to home Ed)- but he did actually enjoy the school trips he went on.

saraclara · 11/12/2023 14:37

We had wrist straps for the occasional serious runner, especially if we need to cross any roads. We'd hold their hands throughout of course (we don't want anyone to feel that they're on a lead) but it meant that should they twist away from our hand and run, they'd be foiled.

KnickerlessParsons · 11/12/2023 15:47

Worst case scenario - he hates it, they can't cope and they phone to ask you to collect him.

Best case scenario - he has a fab time and learns a little independence from you.

Even if the worst case scenario happens, you can work with the school so that they are more
prepared next time.

Honestly, I've taken Brownies away on overnights. You'd be amazed at how well your child can cope without you.

lanthanum · 11/12/2023 16:40

user7556 · 11/12/2023 14:25

Thanks everybody for the replies. The school are going to a zoo about an hour away. We've only been to one once before with DS, but he was much younger then so being honest I don't think he got much out of the trip but he might do now.

There are a few things which are worrying me. He will have a new 1:1 after Christmas so he will be adjusting to that initially, not sure how that's going to go. He's a runner and he's never taken to reins, so if we do anything similar at home we still use a buggy to keep him safe. He struggles to focus and certainly can't stand in a queue for any amount of time. He also has no sense of danger and fixates on open doors & gates.

I'll speak to the school first and see what they think, might be an option I suppose that either me or DH can go with him

It's well worth you talking to the school about how they will manage things. If they've not taken him off-site before then it would be useful for them to know how he might react; you're the ones with the expertise on that. The thing that jumps out at me here is that it may well make sense for them to take the buggy.

autienotnaughty · 11/12/2023 18:26

My ds hasasdI worry about school trips too. Ds did trips since yr2 (none earlier due to covid) I've gone on two. One I couldn't go on but he did fine with his one to one.

WhichIsItWendy · 11/12/2023 18:31

I would just talk to them. If you don't think your child will get much out of it, or won't be safe, then just tell the school that. If he's going to be unsafe or unhappy, they'd probably prefer he didn't go anyway.

You've just started at the school and your kid has SEN; my advice would be to communicate and build a good relationship - it may be helpful in the future.

stayathomer · 11/12/2023 18:33

Do you not think though that they will know how to help him through the day? It sounds like a great thing! But obviously talk to them just remember that they know him and his capabilities too x

Ontheperiphery79 · 11/12/2023 18:34

might be an option I suppose that either me or DH can go with him

Why do you sound so wishy-washy about supporting your child in going on a school trip?

Me going to support my ND child (and her twin) was my first thought when an out of town Reception class trip came up. It didn't occur to me to say no to her going (despite her being a runner and unfamiliar, busy places being a massive trigger for her). I made sure I liaised with the school to ensure she could fully participate.

Dinoboymama · 11/12/2023 18:42

One of my children attends an ASN school where most of the children need extra support. Some on 2 adults to 1 child. They have risk assessments for each child and they go out on weekly excursions. They haven't lost a child yet. I would ask the school if they have risk assessed for your child so you feel more secure with him attending the trip.

nds241 · 11/12/2023 18:45

Ontheperiphery79 · 11/12/2023 18:34

might be an option I suppose that either me or DH can go with him

Why do you sound so wishy-washy about supporting your child in going on a school trip?

Because I didn't know that would be an option and I have a full time job so I cant always be 100% available, obviously try to be but not always the case. Where I can I want to give DS independence also, just makes me nervous as he's never done a school trip before

ABCXYZ17 · 11/12/2023 18:50

The school has to include him, it would be discriminatory to suggest he does not attend. They will have experience of this and there should be a risk assessment. If you can go then do, schools always really appreciate help on trips.

Longma · 11/12/2023 18:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

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