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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was this rude on a first date?

35 replies

DatingMum6838 · 10/12/2023 19:03

Went on a first date today with someone I’ve been talking to for about 2 weeks, but quite a lot within those 2 weeks (messages, calls, video calls etc). We went and watched a sports match as we are both really interested in stuff like that and it was quite a big game.

A few of her friends were also at the same match and they were texting each other in the group chat quite a lot the whole time, like she had her phone in her hand most of the time.

AIBU or am I right in thinking this is rude? I was in double minds about it because obviously watching a game is quite a sociable thing and she was showing me what was going on in the group chat etc but I don’t know?!

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 10/12/2023 19:04

Rude.

Ewoklady · 10/12/2023 19:06

Yeah I think that was rude. One text / chat about her friends there would have been ok but not constantly

LBFseBrom · 10/12/2023 19:08

Does seem rude but I know times have changed and maybe she thought you were interested in the group chat. However, it is not something I would like on a date.

flowerchild2000 · 10/12/2023 19:10

For a first date that wasn't a good scenario. I think the mistake was having a social date first. You should see her again but something like a dinner so it's one on one. It really depends if she's always on her phone or if it was the context of that day. I would give it a few more dates to see and not judge too quickly. But yes, I find phone addiction very unattractive. I think at this point it's a lifestyle choice, like being a big drinker or being outdoorsy. You might have a different lifestyle and that really needs to match up for it to work.

BuddyBuddyBumBum · 10/12/2023 19:11

Yeah, rude. I wouldn’t go on a second date with someone who was glued to their phone. Ick.

OhComeOnFFS · 10/12/2023 19:12

Yes it was very rude, but it was really useful as you know what a relationship with her would look like.

neilyoungismyhero · 10/12/2023 19:12

It's rude.

Pigeonqueen · 10/12/2023 19:12

flowerchild2000 · 10/12/2023 19:10

For a first date that wasn't a good scenario. I think the mistake was having a social date first. You should see her again but something like a dinner so it's one on one. It really depends if she's always on her phone or if it was the context of that day. I would give it a few more dates to see and not judge too quickly. But yes, I find phone addiction very unattractive. I think at this point it's a lifestyle choice, like being a big drinker or being outdoorsy. You might have a different lifestyle and that really needs to match up for it to work.

I agree.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 10/12/2023 19:19

Absolutely rude.
DH is constantly on his phone and it boils my piss-don't settle for this OP 😞

Original poster
DatingMum6838 · 10/12/2023 19:21

That’s why I was on the fence because it was a social situation but then it got to the stage where she sometimes wasn’t paying attention to what I was saying because she was either texting her friends or looking for them in the crowd sort of thing. I personally would never do that but I know that nowadays that’s the norm with some people, it just put me off a bit for sure!

OP posts:
penjil · 10/12/2023 19:34

Bin her off.

Spend time with someone who is actually interested in you.

User13579367337 · 10/12/2023 19:46

flowerchild2000 · 10/12/2023 19:10

For a first date that wasn't a good scenario. I think the mistake was having a social date first. You should see her again but something like a dinner so it's one on one. It really depends if she's always on her phone or if it was the context of that day. I would give it a few more dates to see and not judge too quickly. But yes, I find phone addiction very unattractive. I think at this point it's a lifestyle choice, like being a big drinker or being outdoorsy. You might have a different lifestyle and that really needs to match up for it to work.

This. I wouldn’t write her off over this, it wasn’t really a conventional date. I’d at least try for a second, like pp said a dinner date, and see what she’s like then

saltinesandcoffeecups · 10/12/2023 20:50

So I was dating just as cellphones were becoming prolific…think Nokia flip/pre razor days for context. But I had an ironclad rule that no second dates if a cellphone came out. I broke the rule once and let my date know my sister had surgery that day and was waiting on an update. I would have given a pass under similar circumstances.

I always figured if they weren’t going to focus on me on the first date then what would a relationship look like.

BrightGreenMoonBuggy · 10/12/2023 22:55

Nah, that’s not on - she’s shown some really poor social skills there. Ignoring the person next to you that you’re on a date with because you’re too involved in a group phone chat is really lacking in awareness. It might be the case that she really has no idea that this is rude. She might even think she came across well, being sociable and popular. But no, this isn’t the way adults with decent interpersonal skills behave on a date. You could gently mention this to her - that you didn’t feel you clicked because she was preoccupied with texting etc rather than showing interest in your date. She’ll know to be more courteous to you or the next person to date her!

UsingChangeofName · 10/12/2023 23:13

Going against the grain here - it's quite normal to be messaging people who are in the same stadium as you are. Also quite normal to be messaging about the game as it unfurls.

Completely different from going for dinner, or meeting one: one for a coffee. This was an activity that you both enjoy, so went to the activity together and she behaved as she normally would at that activity. It was presumably (?) deliberately (and pretty sensibly) chosen so you could both enjoy the match without the intense pressure there is on a 11 meal (or even coffee or drink) when it can be a bit more intense.

Harrystylestutu · 11/12/2023 00:24

Is she really shy? Her friends may have been grilling her about you, why didn't they join you?
Was it the first proper date? Did she introduce you to her friends? whether you were going to be potentially going out or just a new friend I think that's rude and mean.
Have you heard from her since? If a man I went on a date with did that I'm sorry to say I really wouldn't bother. Sorry OP

Harrystylestutu · 11/12/2023 00:27

@UsingChangeofName I didn't think of that, I was thinking more a local Sunday league team thing.
What happened after OP?

jasminetea22 · 11/12/2023 00:52

I totally agree with @UsingChangeofName. Was this the Arsenal-Chelsea match by any chance? It was a very exciting game, and I can see why fans would want to discuss it with their friends in the stadium. A football match does sound like an odd choice for a first date, though.

shearwater2 · 11/12/2023 01:00

It wouldn't bother me in the context that she was chatting with her mates about the match as part of the experience and including you. It's more that you tagged along to something she would do anyway than a traditional date. I'd see how she was on a lunch or dinner date, it would certainly be rude to be on your phone then.

Original poster
DatingMum6838 · 11/12/2023 06:01

It was more of a local Sunday league team thing, and her friends were mostly asking her questions about the game and players etc which I get but also maybe a bit rude from her friends too knowing she was meeting someone for the first time and bombarding with messages but also poor on her behalf for replying the whole time. Afterwards was a bit shit too tbf, we was supposed to maybe go and get food or something like that but she said she wanted to get back because her step sister (she’s a child) was at home and was going back to their mum’s in a couple of hours which I get wanting to spend time with them but she had the whole morning with her and spends every weekend with her so I just thought it was a bit shitty seeing as it was the first time seeing me sort of thing? I don’t know if I’m maybe wrong on that part or overthinking it!

OP posts:
GandalfTheWhite · 11/12/2023 06:13

Sounds to me from your most recent post that she's maybe not that into you? Do you think she is? Has she asked for a second date?

And yes, being on her phone the whole time was rude as hell

salamirose · 11/12/2023 06:19

Ah sounds like she's not into you

Original poster
DatingMum6838 · 11/12/2023 06:19

Yeah tbf I kind of got the same impression and I don’t really know but either way anything that makes me feel like that, I’m not really here for it anyway! She’s still been messaging me so I’m going to reply later on and just say thanks for the football match but I don’t want to see you again sort of thing!

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 11/12/2023 06:25

She has no social skills at all!

Original poster
DatingMum6838 · 11/12/2023 06:30

Yeah I sent her a message now tbf as I know she’ll be up for work soon just saying thanks for yesterday but I feel like a bit crap because of the excuse to go home, the being on the phone the whole time and the change of tone in messages and stuff afterwards, I don’t do very well with hot and cold stuff like that so I won’t be seeing you again but all the best going forward!

I really don’t have time for stuff like that

OP posts: