to ask you what you haven't explicitly spelled out to your kids and realised they don't know how to do?

cremantsupernova · 2023-12-10T15:13:12+00:00

There are lots of threads on MN about what your kids need to be able to do by the time they leave home (drive/life admin/budget/cook etc) in addition to school basics. But what about the rest of it. Mine are generally kind and polite and usually remember pleases and thank yous I was with one of my DC the other day and they ran ahead through a door and let it shut in the person behind's face. And I realised that I prob haven't stopped and told them that this is what you do. Made me worry what else i haven't told them - Any other examples?

Rainbells · 10/12/2023 15:16

This is a great little flip book that explains modern manners for teens. Easy to discuss one or two over lunch or dinner a couple of times a week

52 Modern Manners for Today's Teens: amzn.eu/d/iP2CF8g

Quickredfox · 10/12/2023 15:18

My sister-in-law has taught my nephew to complain about things in shops/restaurants in a very polite and amicable way. It’s difficult to negotiate poor service or problems as a young adult not knowing what the done thing is (and many adults are very bad examples of how to talk to retail workers tbh).

OtterlyMad · 10/12/2023 15:36

As someone who walks almost everywhere, the biggest one for me is pedestrian etiquette. Stick to one side of the pavement (preferably the left, since that’s the side we drive on) so that people walking faster than you can pass easily. If walking with other people, be prepared to move into single file whenever someone is coming the other way - forcing another pedestrian to step into the road is the absolute height of rudeness. And if you need to stop for any reason (e.g. to respond to a text or get something out of your bag) then move out of the way so you don’t cause a pile up!

Cheeseplantalltheway · 10/12/2023 15:36

In your example that's a thing that is shown rather than told, imho. If they see others doing it, they learn.

I didn't show my kids where to stick the stamp on an envelope. We lived abroad with an unreliable postal service so we'd not sent letters. When we returned to the UK it didn't occur to me to show them, until it became an issue.

Terfosaurus · 10/12/2023 15:39

OtterlyMad · 10/12/2023 15:36

As someone who walks almost everywhere, the biggest one for me is pedestrian etiquette. Stick to one side of the pavement (preferably the left, since that’s the side we drive on) so that people walking faster than you can pass easily. If walking with other people, be prepared to move into single file whenever someone is coming the other way - forcing another pedestrian to step into the road is the absolute height of rudeness. And if you need to stop for any reason (e.g. to respond to a text or get something out of your bag) then move out of the way so you don’t cause a pile up!

Edited

This. So much this.

But if you're walking on a country lane with no paths fgs walk on the right.

GimpMasksAndWagonWheels · 10/12/2023 15:40

Cheeseplantalltheway · 10/12/2023 15:36

In your example that's a thing that is shown rather than told, imho. If they see others doing it, they learn.

I didn't show my kids where to stick the stamp on an envelope. We lived abroad with an unreliable postal service so we'd not sent letters. When we returned to the UK it didn't occur to me to show them, until it became an issue.

Very similar with us last week! My 8yr old was writing the envelope for his Santa letter and wrote the 'to' address in very small writing, in the top left corner. Made me realise that unless you've been shown the correct way, you just wouldn't know!

Flickersy · 10/12/2023 15:45

My parents never taught us how a bus worked. We grew up rurally so we always drove, walked, or cycled everywhere because there were no buses.

It was very embarrassing as a teenager when I had to get a bus. I thought the big red 'STOP' buttons were for emergencies (like on trains) and the bus would stop at every stop (like a train).

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 10/12/2023 15:53

Flickersy · 10/12/2023 15:45

My parents never taught us how a bus worked. We grew up rurally so we always drove, walked, or cycled everywhere because there were no buses.

It was very embarrassing as a teenager when I had to get a bus. I thought the big red 'STOP' buttons were for emergencies (like on trains) and the bus would stop at every stop (like a train).

I've got a (very posh) friend who had never caught a bus. The first time he did, as a teen, he didn't realise they usually only stop along a set route, and somehow managed to direct the driver down his driveway to his front door! Not sure why the driver went along with it tbh but there we go.

shockeditellyou · 10/12/2023 15:57

We hardly ever get letters with a stamp these days (as opposed to letters from banks etc which are franked or business post) so it’s much rarer for children to learn by osmosis where stamps go - mine had to be shown.

Table manners seem to need to be taught more than they are IME!

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 10/12/2023 16:08

We discovered at Guides quite recently that many of them didn't know how to light a match. When they eventually did light a match they mostly screamed and threw it in the direction of their campfire. I think I heard Baden Powell spinning in his grave that evening.

PuttingDownRoots · 10/12/2023 16:14

Gas. While we had told them what to do in a gas leak... not what gas smelt like! Until DD forget to light the hob...

They know now!

Flickersy · 10/12/2023 16:18

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 10/12/2023 15:53

I've got a (very posh) friend who had never caught a bus. The first time he did, as a teen, he didn't realise they usually only stop along a set route, and somehow managed to direct the driver down his driveway to his front door! Not sure why the driver went along with it tbh but there we go.

Show quote history

I wouldn't say we were posh, we just lived in the arse end of nowhere and there was no bus service.

My parents grew up in a city and I know my mum definitely used buses a lot because she didn't learn to drive until we were born. They just never explained them to us because we never needed it. Would have been useful though! I don't suppose it mattered in the end because obviously we learnt pretty fast!

Leafysuburb · 10/12/2023 16:21

My first flight was when I was 19. I had no idea what check in was or what baggage drop was or what boarding passes were and why these are all different things at different stages (I still don't really understand that tbh)

AgnesX · 10/12/2023 16:25

My nextdoor neighbours haven't taught their kids to close a door without slamming it.The eldest is heading on 18.

I'm delighted to be woken up at 3am. Not.

Wednesday6 · 10/12/2023 16:37

I don't think you need tot each all of these things, any normal person would pick it up from seeing others. I haven't told my 3yo to get off his bike to let pedestrians pass, but he does it. He just saw others do it. Basically I wouldn't worry. I wasn't growing up in the UK and manners in my home country are very different but I learnt when came here by just watching people.

PollyannaWhittier · 10/12/2023 16:49

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 10/12/2023 16:08

We discovered at Guides quite recently that many of them didn't know how to light a match. When they eventually did light a match they mostly screamed and threw it in the direction of their campfire. I think I heard Baden Powell spinning in his grave that evening.

My lot are pretty good with fire (they get rather a lot of practice ), but I discovered while doing first aid / how to call emergency services at Brownies recently that none of the girls know their home phone number or either parent's mobile; and only three knew their address.

2018citrine · 10/12/2023 16:50

Realised recently that my kids don't understand how "normal" TV works. We stayed in a hotel and they were bemused that they were limited to whatever was on the few channels that were available and that we couldnt restart the programme either (we just have Netflix at home, no normal tv). My 5 year old also didn't know what a landline phone was for!

Mumski45 · 10/12/2023 16:51

Realised (the hard way) today that I hadn't taught DS2 (16) that if his shower ends up running cold he can put the hot water on to heat it up for the next person who wants a shower.

MereDintofPandiculation · 10/12/2023 16:54

OtterlyMad · 10/12/2023 15:36

As someone who walks almost everywhere, the biggest one for me is pedestrian etiquette. Stick to one side of the pavement (preferably the left, since that’s the side we drive on) so that people walking faster than you can pass easily. If walking with other people, be prepared to move into single file whenever someone is coming the other way - forcing another pedestrian to step into the road is the absolute height of rudeness. And if you need to stop for any reason (e.g. to respond to a text or get something out of your bag) then move out of the way so you don’t cause a pile up!

Edited

Walk on the outside of the pavement if you’re facing the traffic, so the person who has their back to the traffic isn’t having to walk along the edge unable to see if a car behind them is too close to the kerb

enchantedsquirrelwood · 10/12/2023 16:54

OtterlyMad · 10/12/2023 15:36

As someone who walks almost everywhere, the biggest one for me is pedestrian etiquette. Stick to one side of the pavement (preferably the left, since that’s the side we drive on) so that people walking faster than you can pass easily. If walking with other people, be prepared to move into single file whenever someone is coming the other way - forcing another pedestrian to step into the road is the absolute height of rudeness. And if you need to stop for any reason (e.g. to respond to a text or get something out of your bag) then move out of the way so you don’t cause a pile up!

Edited

Totally agree with this.

Also agree with the point about teaching them to complain politely about poor customer service (and NOT to call people (especially women over 45) "Karens" for daring to express an opinion).

MereDintofPandiculation · 10/12/2023 16:58

PollyannaWhittier · 10/12/2023 16:49

My lot are pretty good with fire (they get rather a lot of practice ), but I discovered while doing first aid / how to call emergency services at Brownies recently that none of the girls know their home phone number or either parent's mobile; and only three knew their address.

Show quote history

Brownies used to do a great job in teaching basics. I can’t remember what it was my Mum sent me for, making a pot of tea or laying and lighting a fire (useful in those days - our entire house was heated by two open fires and two 1-bar electric fires. I was 13 before we got central heating)

WillowCraft · 10/12/2023 17:00

Basic cleaning. My mother keeps a very clean house and although we did have to do certain chores growing up, I was never taught how to clean. A lot I learned in brownies but some I still don't know.

I think there's a real risk that today's kids are going to grow up dependent on smart phones and unable to use maps, look things up, handle cash etc.

MereDintofPandiculation · 10/12/2023 17:00

I taught my DC to wait for the green man. But once they were teenagers they taught themselves to wait for the green man if a parent was crossing with a child, even if they’d normally hop from traffic island to traffic island and get across in a quarter of the time

Chiar · 10/12/2023 17:01

Recent one with my older teen is that we double lock the front door when we are leaving the house empty. Now there's so much WFH and I'm not working, she is hardly ever the last person to leave the house, so we forgot to teach her that.

Absolutely bizarre because she's watched us lock up when we left the house with her for years. But when I asked her to do it, total confusion. They don't always pick it up by osmosis.

Davros · 10/12/2023 17:07

When I was growing up I wasn't taught or shown how to use salt and pepper on my food so I just didn't bother. Don't laugh, but I also wasn't shown how to blow my nose and just sniffed all the time.
DD had to learn how to open a tin with a tin opener, she couldn't get the balance right. She was used to ring pulls and didn't use tinned food much anyway.