My teen daughter (17) is generally very disorganised and expects me to bail her out, last minute lifts to work when she's late and has missed the bus, that sort of thing. On top of this she's become quite selfish recently, reluctant to do the smallest of things to help out at home, prioritises her social life and work shifts over everything else and then complains she's behind with college work. Huffs and puffs if I ask her for the smallest bit of help with household tasks etc. Just generally really hard work at the moment. Despite this I continue to give lifts left right and centre and will inconvenience my own day to make sure she gets places on time.
Yesterday mid morning I was struggling with a bad migraine and I asked her to help me out. I asked her to sit downstairs with her 2 yo younger sibling for an hour or so while I took my prescription medication and went back to sleep for a bit, knowing I'd only need an hour or so and I'd be feeling well enough to get up and take toddler food shopping so we all had things in to eat, and then my plan was to make us all a nice tea. My daughter refused to do this. I said for her not to ask me for any favours anymore until she can meet me even quarter of the way. She ignored this and went back to sleep til lunch time.
She then went to work and straight to a friends house after work. I didn't hear from her all evening or this morning. I have been out all morning with toddler at swimming class. I came home about an hour ago just as my daughter was being dropped off at home by her friend's parents. She ran into the house saying "I'm late for work I need to get changed quickly". I said right ok, what's your plan to get to work? (A 15 minute bus ride away). She said she didn't know, could I take her? I said no, we've just stepped through the door, I need to sort out your sister's lunch and change her nappy etc, and my hair was still wet from swimming so didn't want to go back out. I asked her what was your plan if I hadn't been home, given you haven't communicated with me all day? She replied "either bus or taxi but it's too late to get the bus now as my shift starts in 10 minutes so can you take me?"
I repeated that I wasn't taking her as this wasn't convenient being sprung on me now, and that she needed to plan better and take responsibility for things without expecting me to bail her out all the time. I also repeated that had she been more willing to help me a tiny bit yesterday when I'd needed it, I'd have also been more willing to help her in return as that's how life works, give and take, not just take take take. She started huffing around and saying things like "ok fine I'll just quit my job then shall I". I just said that would be her decision if she did that and not to put the responsibility for that on me, either. I told her she needed to call her boss and explain she was running late and take responsibility. She did this.
I also asked her why she didn't plan this better, for example taking her spare work clothes for today to her friends house last night and then asking friends parents to drop her straight at work instead of home? (They'd had to pass her work to bring her home). She just shrugged.
Eventually she reluctantly ordered herself a taxi whilst stomping all over the place and crying about being late for work.
It's the fact that there's no forward planning whatsoever and then an expectation that I'll bail her out, along with the emotional manipulation of saying she'd have to quit her job etc. But also, the reluctance on her part to do anything for me in return. I don't even ask for big things - just occasional help with housework tasks here and there, or support for an hour when I'm really not feeling well. I'm just disappointed as I really do bend over backwards at times to make her life easier and I get nothing back in return.
Was I unreasonable to stand firm on this one? I can't keep bailing her out can I?? Honestly my 2 year old is hard work but genuinely a breeze compared to my teen! 😫