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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Banging on the door of the Accessible Toilet

416 replies

HunterHearstHelmsley · 10/12/2023 09:30

Why do people do this?!

I've just used the accessible toilet (I need to use the accessible toilet). I'd barely sat down and someone started banging on the door. I wasn't in there an unreasonable amount of time - probably about 30 seconds when the door banging started and 3 minutes overall. I was in there because I needed to be, banging on the door isn't going to make me quicker. If someone was taking the piss, it'd probably make them stay longer!

It's not the first time it's happened but it's so frustrating. It happened a few weeks ago also, that time was a woman wanting to use the baby change... the baby change wasn't even in the accessible loo!

It's really annoyed me this morning, it's not something I've noticed when using non-accesible toilets so I think it's just an accessible loo thing. But whyyyy?! I can't go faster 😩

OP posts:
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WillowTit · 10/12/2023 12:09

GladioliandSweetPeas · 10/12/2023 12:02

We really didn't need to know a description of what you were using the toilet for, thanks for the over share Confused

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you didnt need to quote it ,for those who missed it

LlynTegid · 10/12/2023 12:09

Never happened to me, though I'd be annoyed if it did.

DixonD · 10/12/2023 12:12

Smartiepants79 · 10/12/2023 09:42

I don’t use accessible toilets

Don’t rattle ANY toilet door handles.

ememem84 · 10/12/2023 12:12

Justfinking · 10/12/2023 10:05

Yes. They're for disabled people 😒

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My office has one male toilet and one female toilet. Both are also accessible.

if I’m not meant to use the accessible toilet how on earth am I meant to go to the toilet when I’m at work?

AmazingBouncingFerret · 10/12/2023 12:12

I’ve kicked a bloke out of my coffee shop for banging on the toilet door repeatedly. It’s rude and it’s intimidating.

Rosscameasdoody · 10/12/2023 12:12

GladioliandSweetPeas · 10/12/2023 12:07

@Rosscameasdoody You've just contradicted yourself. You say you understand those with stomas/bowel issues etc but then say you get frustrated when you see people come out who you've decided would have "no issue" with using a standard cubicle?!

How exactly do you suggest someone changes their stoma etc in a standard cubicle when the basin to wash their hands is not in the cubicle with them? I certainly wouldn't want to have to do so in front of everybody else in there

I haven’t ‘decided’ anything. Sometimes it’s fairly obvious that people are taking the piss, but you don’t say anything because there’s always the possibility that there is a hidden disability. And I have a stoma myself. Before I was confined to a wheelchair I could use a standard cubicle if the disabled toilet wasn’t available, because I carried an emergency bag with me, with everything I needed for an unexpected clean up, and washed my hands properly in the standard basin when I’d finished. I’m not for one moment suggesting that everyone can, or would want to do this, and the accessible facilities are absolutely meant for such conditions. I’m just pointing out that if you’re not a wheelchair user there is some degree of choice, where there is none if your chair won’t fit in a standard cubicle.

GladioliandSweetPeas · 10/12/2023 12:13

@WillowTit Fair point! Apologies for that

Rosscameasdoody · 10/12/2023 12:14

ememem84 · 10/12/2023 12:12

My office has one male toilet and one female toilet. Both are also accessible.

if I’m not meant to use the accessible toilet how on earth am I meant to go to the toilet when I’m at work?

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In those cases you are meant to use the facilities available - the lack of properly accessible facilities is down to building management.

GladioliandSweetPeas · 10/12/2023 12:16

@Rosscameasdoody How is it 'obvious' people are taking the piss? How the actual FUCK can you possibly know if somebody has a stoma?
I have early Parkinson's, MS, Arthritis and bowel issues. I sometimes use a mobility scooter but sometimes don't need one. I also have a child. Every sodding time I come out of one when I don't have my mobility scooter, I get looked at like shit by people like you who assume I'm "taking the piss"

You should be ashamed of yourself

Mumof2teens79 · 10/12/2023 12:16

Legally and morally people.with disabilities do not have a right to immediate access to a toilet.
Arguabl6those disabilities that do require urgent access, or access to a wash basin often don't coincide with mobility issues or wheelchair use.
The only legal requirement is equal access.
So if I have a genuine need to use the separate facility due to urgency or facilities or both I will. And if the normal queue is 10 minutes long and one of the row of cubicles has been made slightly larger with handrails...yes I am going to use that and I think everyone else would too.

Last week I was at the theatre. I queued with over 100 women for the toilet at the interval. There were two doors, a narrow passage way and 4 steps to negotiate and then a toilet set up as below.
No-one would have objected to someone bypassing the queue declaring their urgent need for the next cubicle, but no-one did.
No-one would have objected to a person at front of the queue saying they would wait for the larger cubicle...but they didn't.
So anyone seriously claiming that ALL accessible.toilets are ONLY for disabled people and in that situation you wouldn't use the bigger one when it became free is being ridiculous

Banging on the door of the Accessible Toilet
ButterCupPie · 10/12/2023 12:16

GladioliandSweetPeas · 10/12/2023 12:02

We really didn't need to know a description of what you were using the toilet for, thanks for the over share Confused

Show quote history

Sorry, your majesty! I momentarily forgot I was in the presence of royalty.

LakieLady · 10/12/2023 12:17

IthinkIamAnAlien · 10/12/2023 09:41

I have noticed lately that homeless or mentally disabled people who are probably on the streets with nowhere to go end up hiding in the few remaining public toilets, often the disabled ones.
I was in one of our town's chain coffee stores recently and someone was in the disabled loo and security had been called and people on the tables around who had been there for a while were saying it had been occupied for some time. Might be a drugs user too of course. Says something about our collapsing welfare provision.
Similarly, a small town near us has had to close its public toilets because of people sleeping in them, day and night.

Our public toilets are all locked up around 6pm-7pm, presumably to stop people from sleeping in them.

Now, residents complain about people pissing in alleyways etc, but they don't actually have an alternative if they're out in the evening and caught short.

mollypuss1 · 10/12/2023 12:17

Rosscameasdoody · 10/12/2023 12:12

I haven’t ‘decided’ anything. Sometimes it’s fairly obvious that people are taking the piss, but you don’t say anything because there’s always the possibility that there is a hidden disability. And I have a stoma myself. Before I was confined to a wheelchair I could use a standard cubicle if the disabled toilet wasn’t available, because I carried an emergency bag with me, with everything I needed for an unexpected clean up, and washed my hands properly in the standard basin when I’d finished. I’m not for one moment suggesting that everyone can, or would want to do this, and the accessible facilities are absolutely meant for such conditions. I’m just pointing out that if you’re not a wheelchair user there is some degree of choice, where there is none if your chair won’t fit in a standard cubicle.

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This isn’t disability top trumps. Many people not in a wheelchair still have no degree of choice. It’s never ‘fairly obvious that some people are taking the piss’. Lots of people do take the piss but you have no way of knowing who is and who isn’t by looking at them.

KvotheTheBloodless · 10/12/2023 12:18

On a tangent, I once saw a woman berating another woman (who looked young and fit) for using the disabled loo when she didn't need to. The young woman stood and listened to the rant patiently, then without missing a beat asked "can I show you something?", lifted up her top and showed the other woman her stoma bag. It was brilliant, the first woman went bright red (didn't bloody well apologise though!)

Motti · 10/12/2023 12:18

I’ve had this too OP & you’re right that it puts you right on edge. Sometimes I shout out ‘hang on!’ I then notice when I come out that there are sheepishly standing around the corner. It doesn’t help that I have a hidden disability so I do feel quite judged for using it even though I have every right to.

mollypuss1 · 10/12/2023 12:18

GladioliandSweetPeas · 10/12/2023 12:16

@Rosscameasdoody How is it 'obvious' people are taking the piss? How the actual FUCK can you possibly know if somebody has a stoma?
I have early Parkinson's, MS, Arthritis and bowel issues. I sometimes use a mobility scooter but sometimes don't need one. I also have a child. Every sodding time I come out of one when I don't have my mobility scooter, I get looked at like shit by people like you who assume I'm "taking the piss"

You should be ashamed of yourself

Perfectly said!

WrongSwanson · 10/12/2023 12:18

HunterHearstHelmsley · 10/12/2023 10:36

It wasn't a knock. It was BANG BANG BANG!

I get a polite knock (particularly as it appears radar keys open the door even if it's locked from the inside, I always thought being locked from the inside was akin to a key being in a lock). Sometimes you can't tell if the toilet is occupied, this particular toilet isn't always locked and you don't need a radar key. If you give the handle a tug, you can tell if it's occupied or not. They pulled the door then started hammering. It's a members place too so the majority of people here will be aware of the set up.

I don't think they saw me go in, if they had then they would have seen the crutches.

It was an older man this time. I couldn't see that he was disabled but that doesn't mean anything obviously.

I did shout out "I'm in here!"

Edited
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I couldn't see that he was disabled but that doesn't mean anything obviously.

Then why even say it? As someone who has an invisible disability this kind of comment pisses me off. I am just as disabled as someone with a visible sign of disability. People who know me well can tell the difference when I am bad (my speech and vision go, among other things) but an observer wouldn't realise.

There's still a frustrating hierarchy of disability where people think they are more disabled than people with invisible disabilities. I can rapidly become bed bound /on a ventilator. But you wouldn't know that to look at me.

GladioliandSweetPeas · 10/12/2023 12:19

Just because I have a child and I'm not in an actual wheelchair, I cannot possibly also be disabled. Nope. Course not. I fit neatly into the 'entitled mum' category. Not the 'disabled' category. Lest the two categories ever blend together......!!! As demonstrated every single fucking time I park in disabled with my VALID blue badge. As soon as other disabled people see my child "EXCUSE ME LOVE! CAN YOU MOVE YOUR CAR PLEASE, THIS IS FOR DISABLED PEOPLE!!"

Sirzy · 10/12/2023 12:21

Rosscameasdoody · 10/12/2023 12:12

I haven’t ‘decided’ anything. Sometimes it’s fairly obvious that people are taking the piss, but you don’t say anything because there’s always the possibility that there is a hidden disability. And I have a stoma myself. Before I was confined to a wheelchair I could use a standard cubicle if the disabled toilet wasn’t available, because I carried an emergency bag with me, with everything I needed for an unexpected clean up, and washed my hands properly in the standard basin when I’d finished. I’m not for one moment suggesting that everyone can, or would want to do this, and the accessible facilities are absolutely meant for such conditions. I’m just pointing out that if you’re not a wheelchair user there is some degree of choice, where there is none if your chair won’t fit in a standard cubicle.

Show quote history

What choice does my disabled 14 year old son who needs assistance in the toilet have especially if out with just me as a female?

he doesn’t always need to use his wheelchair but he still needs the accessible toilets.

needs are a complex thing and being in a wheelchair doesn’t make someone need it any more than someone with another disability.

Fraaahnces · 10/12/2023 12:23

People are fucking entitled. Some people think they’re the only pregnant/elderly/future bride/parent with a pram/disabled person in the universe.

WrongSwanson · 10/12/2023 12:23

Rosscameasdoody · 10/12/2023 12:12

I haven’t ‘decided’ anything. Sometimes it’s fairly obvious that people are taking the piss, but you don’t say anything because there’s always the possibility that there is a hidden disability. And I have a stoma myself. Before I was confined to a wheelchair I could use a standard cubicle if the disabled toilet wasn’t available, because I carried an emergency bag with me, with everything I needed for an unexpected clean up, and washed my hands properly in the standard basin when I’d finished. I’m not for one moment suggesting that everyone can, or would want to do this, and the accessible facilities are absolutely meant for such conditions. I’m just pointing out that if you’re not a wheelchair user there is some degree of choice, where there is none if your chair won’t fit in a standard cubicle.

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sometimes it's fairly obvious people are taking the piss

You have no idea. What an ignorant and stupid comment

I am utterly fed up of this attitude. Disabled people picking on other disabled people. It's vile.

Noone can tell from looking at me that I have my disability (well, my eagle eyed optician could and my neurologist can, but I would take a high degree of training to spot the outward signs of my invisible disability). When my symptoms are bad I can look totally normal but be barely able to stand /control my bladder/swallow/see.

SenseFromThoughtDivide · 10/12/2023 12:23

Pinkdressinggownbelt · 10/12/2023 09:35

Some disabled toilets you can’t tell if it’s locked from the outside or from the inside. I usually knock before trying to open with the radar key. Not banging though, but some doors are so thick you have to knock hard. I’ve had people bang/knock when I’ve been in before and yes its so stressful

Can you even unlock an accessible toilet with a radar key if it’s locked inside? (Because that’s what seemed to happen yesterday )

Wobblywibblywoo · 10/12/2023 12:24

Why would you rattle the handle? Rude behaviour, im sure the person inside doesn’t want to be In there any longer than they have to be.

Rosscameasdoody · 10/12/2023 12:24

GladioliandSweetPeas · 10/12/2023 12:16

@Rosscameasdoody How is it 'obvious' people are taking the piss? How the actual FUCK can you possibly know if somebody has a stoma?
I have early Parkinson's, MS, Arthritis and bowel issues. I sometimes use a mobility scooter but sometimes don't need one. I also have a child. Every sodding time I come out of one when I don't have my mobility scooter, I get looked at like shit by people like you who assume I'm "taking the piss"

You should be ashamed of yourself

If you want to persist in misunderstanding what I’m saying that’s up to you. I’ve explained twice now. One example of ‘taking the piss’ was in the local hospital. I was waiting outside the accessible toilet and could hear giggling inside. When the door opened two teenage girls came out and it was fairly obvious that they’d been smoking weed in there. Do I say nothing because they might both have a stoma ? Or the time my stoma bag had leaked and I had to wait for a young mother to emerge from the supermarket accessible toilet with a stroppy screaming child, whose only reason for being in there was that it was the only place she could take him while he was having a tantrum because she’d refused to buy him what he wanted ? Should I assume hidden disabilities when it’s obvious what’s happening ? I know the difference between a piss taker and someone in genuine need, and I have nothing to be ashamed of thanks.

tachycardigan · 10/12/2023 12:25

YANBU. If it happens again just yell fuck off.