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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

MIL took 3yo shopping for his own Christmas presents

83 replies

Oceanaway · 10/12/2023 01:02

My MIL took my 3yo son Christmas shopping today and bought him the toys he chose, packed them in to the car and brought them home with him. They're just sitting out in her house where he can easily find them. She's very kind wanting to spoil him like that but I go to so much trouble to make Christmas time magical, he never sees his presents before Christmas, he doesn't know what he's getting, I use leave to do shopping without the kids and stay up late getting things wrapped and hidden. Apparently she did the same thing last year too. I feel like she's ruining the magic, he's so little but so switched on. Do I say something? I'm kind of heartbroken that he saw his gifts get bought 2 years running. He's so full of Santa and Christmas magic this year, and this really isn't the way we wanted to do it.
For context, he does know that Santa doesn't bring everything, he knows the wrapped gifts under the tree are from friends and family, but I feel the magic lies in the mystery and the surprise.

OP posts:

LadyChilli · 10/12/2023 07:25

There's also magic in spending time with an adoring grandparent, and anticipation of gifts you know about. It sounds like your little one has the best of both worlds which is lovely.

BendingSpoons · 10/12/2023 07:27

Kids compartmentalise well. Granny buys presents with me buy I get lovely surprises from mummy. I would probably see if MIL could put them in a cupboard for a few weeks but doesn't matter too much. My kids have one set of grandparents who do Christmas like we do (buy gifts to open on Christmas day, mostly surprises) and one set who buy presents at random times throughout the year or take them to a shop. They love both.

My DD is 7 and kept asking if I was moving the elf, so I told her I was. She then said 'what about the elf at school, that can't be the teachers, as they wouldn't make a mess like that'. She also is still writing letters to the elf at home!

BIossomtoes · 10/12/2023 07:29

He’ll remember that shopping expedition, the time he spent with her and the love she showed him long after he’s forgotten the “magic”. Perhaps that’s why you’re unhappy @Oceanaway?

AuntMarch · 10/12/2023 07:40

If he would know that she bought whatever gift she gave him anyway (and not FC), I don't understand what you think is unreasonable about what she's done here?
I think it sounds lovely.

My son asked for a bike for Christmas. I told him it would be too big for FC to bring, but we could go and choose him one together from me during the holidays, because choosing is part of the fun sometimes!

tumblebumbleweed · 10/12/2023 08:06

My son has millionaire grandparents who live on the other side of the world, I'd be over the moon if they even bought him a colouring book let alone actually made an effort to come back and see him.

Honestly things could be far worse for your son than having a loving grandparent who wants to spend both money and more importantly time with him.

Stop overthinking

ElvesAreReal · 10/12/2023 08:17

Create a tradition if it seems like it'll keep happening!

Put out a mince pie for Santa next to the gifts and tell your son that Santa will be coming to collect the gifts so they can be delivered. Easy peasy!

Jinglingallthewaytochristmas · 10/12/2023 08:21

Do you do that weird and very rise thing of insisting all gifts from others are from Santa? Otherwise I can’t imagine what the issue is.

WonderLife · 10/12/2023 08:24

You can't micromanage the rest of your son's family to this extent.

Bouncyball23 · 10/12/2023 08:24

Grans parents are nothing todo with santa so not sure how it's confusing or spoiling the magic he knows their from gran not santa.

Dowhadiddydiddydum · 10/12/2023 08:26

He gets surprises from you and Santa, so I don’t think it will ruin the magic for him. So long as she doesn’t buy him things he has put on his list, does she make sure to find out she isn’t duplicating a gift you have for him?

Fleur405 · 10/12/2023 08:29

All I can say is I hope you never experience actual heartbreak.

SpongeBob2022 · 10/12/2023 08:29

I do get that you're annoyed in principle because my own Mum would never do something like this without asking in principle if I was happy with it. Same with anything that has the potential to overstep slightly in any area...not just Christmas! Whereas some grandparents aren't quite so sensitive or selfless.

I really don't think this is bad enough to ruin Christmas though! It's not like she's ruined Father Christmas if he knows not all presents aren't from FC.

In an ideal world I would like DS to get all his presents under our tree on Christmas morning so that they are all in one magical pile. My in laws don't feel the same way and have never asked my preference. The want DS to have their presents at their house. They are very generous and I understand they want to see him open them so of course I go along with it. And it just extends the Christmas excitement for him so it actually works really well.

I agree with another poster that this could be the start of a lovely extra Christmas tradition where each year he does a special trip with grandma...and I'd just view it like this and move past the annoyance. It's really not a big deal.

OnceUponATimeInChristmasTime · 10/12/2023 08:36

I understand. I also understand other posters who say you're lucky to have such a caring mother in law. You could explain, should he question it, by saying Santa can't bring all of his presents from everyone, as he just doesn't have the room on his sleigh. So sometimes he asks Nannie's and grandpa's to help out.
He's a lucky little boy to have such a loving family who want to give him a magical Christmas.

SeasonalWitch · 10/12/2023 08:37

I get it.

I’m the same with my kids but my family are the kind to abruptly ask “Right, what do you want for Christmas?” And then constantly talk about their Christmas to-do list like it’s one big chore.

“I’m going to buy yours today. I’ve got so-and-sos, now I just need to wrap them.”

Not ungrateful, just prefer it when it seems less transactional!

Rugbee · 10/12/2023 08:38

not all gifts are from Father Christmas. Otherwise how do you explain ‘say thank you to auntie for your puzzle’ to them?

JustEatTheOneInTheBallPit · 10/12/2023 08:50

My MIL spends 2 months bothering me for Christmas lists, even before the kids are back to school. Then she complains about everything they write down that they want because it isn’t just a selection box from Londis. Then she says “why don’t you just get it all and wrap it when you do yours and I’ll give you the money”

I’d genuinely love to have one like yours.

Morechocmorechoc · 10/12/2023 08:52

Have you ever taken your kid to a toy shop to chose something. The excitement is incredible. It's a lovely thing to do.

Thankyouthankyoujellybean · 10/12/2023 08:59

@Morechocmorechoc is spot on - I'm not sure there's anything more magical than being taken to a toy shop (especially with a grandparent) and being told you can pick whatever you like. This is exactly what my gran used to do with us kids. She had five grandchildren and each one got their own trip... I'm starting to think she just loved shopping 🤔

Vicotto · 10/12/2023 09:09

I can’t see this as a bad thing, there will still be plenty of magic on the day and I think it’s good to spread it all out a bit as Christmas Day can be really overwhelming at their age! I have a 3 year old boy myself and would love it, he gets a fun day out, gets things he really wants and gets a bit more time to appreciate the toys. It could become a lovely little tradition for them too.
If they bought a couple of things maybe keep one back and it could be wrapped for the day, even if he knows what it is I’m sure he will still be excited, and you can talk about it being the toy he got from the toy shop with Grandma and how much fun it was!

LivingNextDoorToNorma · 10/12/2023 09:18

I have really fond memories of my Gran and Grandad taking me to the toy shop to choose my presents (the year I picked a slinky always really sticks in my mind, for some reason!). When I think of it, it feels special and ‘magical’ in a completely different way to seeing a pile of surprise gifts.
My gran died when I was 19, and those memories mean the world to me now. It’s hard to explain, but the ‘feeling’ of that special time with my grandparents has lasted a lifetime, in a way that I don’t think opening the slinky as a ‘surprise’ would have.

Didimum · 10/12/2023 09:40

I’d have loved those memories with my nan as a child. You’re being unreasonable, OP. This isn’t about what your son finds fun it’s about you. Stop making the ‘magic’ so rigid that you forget to embrace all kinds of Christmas joy.

ImustLearn2Cook · 10/12/2023 10:57

Thankyouthankyoujellybean · 10/12/2023 08:59

I remember one Christmas we stayed with Grandma and Grandpa (they lived far away) and my Grandma took my sister shopping and gave her money to buy me a present. Then another day she took me shopping to buy my sister a present. When I chose my gift for my sister my Grandma had this knowing kind of smile. I wasn’t sure exactly why but I could tell that she knew something that I didn’t. Then when we got back I asked her if she had an icecream container that I could put it in before I wrapped it so that my sister couldn’t guess what it was. (My sister and I loved to feel the presents under the tree to try and guess what we were getting). Grandma chuckled and got me an icecream container.

Lo and behold on Christmas Day when my sister and I exchanged our gifts we had chosen the exact same gift for each other and we had both put them in icecream containers before wrapping them. And then I knew why Grandma had smiled and chuckled. But she never let on or try and encourage me to buy a different gift. And it was a pretty cool surprise.

Grandparents are long gone now. But I love those precious memories.

10HailMarys · 10/12/2023 11:01

You’re being ridiculous. He already gets surprises and ‘magic’ from you and everyone else. It really doesn’t matter that one person takes him out shopping to choose for himself.

Also, being taken to a toy shop and asked exactly what he wanted sounds like a pretty magical experience for a three year old anyway.

GRex · 10/12/2023 11:04

PIL always take DS to pick a particular big gift related to his interests, it's fine, he loves knowing he's looked at all the options. He has no idea what he's getting from us nor my family, so plenty of surprises to come.
Let your child's people love him however suits them, it is nice to let your child learn that there are many different ways to show love.

elfintinsel · 10/12/2023 11:05

I think it is just a different kind of magic! She didn't tell him Santa isn't real and ruin that! I would have been soooooo excited as a kid if someone had taken me to a shop and let me pick whatever I wanted! This will be Christmas fun with his Grandma. Different to Santa fun!

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