Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL took 3yo shopping for his own Christmas presents

83 replies

Oceanaway · 10/12/2023 01:02

My MIL took my 3yo son Christmas shopping today and bought him the toys he chose, packed them in to the car and brought them home with him. They're just sitting out in her house where he can easily find them. She's very kind wanting to spoil him like that but I go to so much trouble to make Christmas time magical, he never sees his presents before Christmas, he doesn't know what he's getting, I use leave to do shopping without the kids and stay up late getting things wrapped and hidden. Apparently she did the same thing last year too. I feel like she's ruining the magic, he's so little but so switched on. Do I say something? I'm kind of heartbroken that he saw his gifts get bought 2 years running. He's so full of Santa and Christmas magic this year, and this really isn't the way we wanted to do it.
For context, he does know that Santa doesn't bring everything, he knows the wrapped gifts under the tree are from friends and family, but I feel the magic lies in the mystery and the surprise.

OP posts:
Lifeasiknowitisout · 10/12/2023 03:12

So he knows Santa doesn’t bring all his presents. He knows somebody goes out and buys them. You would also, I assume to listen to him regarding what he wants.

So what’s the issue? I think it’s a great thing. Day out with grandma picking his own gifts. It’s not spoiling the magic. It’s exactly inline with what you tell him.

How is spoiling the magic?

GrumpyPanda · 10/12/2023 03:22

You lost me at using "magic/magical" no less than four times in your OP. This relentless Disneyfication of Christmas, all no doubt in the original Coca Cola commercial Santa colours, is both ridiculous and repellent. You want magic, take him to the nativity play, and don't interfere with a loving grandmother buying him gifts.

Mumtime2 · 10/12/2023 03:44

When your a grandmother I guess it would be more magical to take your grandson shopping and let him pick a present.
All the magic is in that for her so you contuine as you do with your xmas presents and traditions.
I bet he remembers this as a highlight when he's much older too.
Relax.

Mangotango39 · 10/12/2023 03:47

Your being silly - he has the best of both worlds this way for sure!

Lovely memories all round.

Raindancer411 · 10/12/2023 03:57

I think as others have said just you need to calm down with this. She has been very kind to have done that and some children do not get that.

With our family my children know that it's only our presents they Santa drops off with his own present (I say this to stop them from hunting for them in the house). Everyone else's they purchase and deliver to us themselves. Poor Father Christmas would be too over loaded otherwise...

TheWetBandits · 10/12/2023 04:22

Yes, sorry Op but you are being massively unreasonable. She's not ruining anything for him. Santa will still bring his stocking but you said yourself he knows some presents come from family

What a treat to be able to pick your own presents! I used to love sitting with the Argos catalogue, circling what I wanted and then leaving it out and open for my parents to find. And this was when I still believed in Santa

I think you're actually stepping on a tradition she's maybe trying to establish for herself with him as a treat. I'm sure he's super excited and despite knowing what they are, will relish ripping into the paper at Xmas

DC1888 · 10/12/2023 04:22

Can see where OP is coming from. I think you can get too much, which can ruin the appreciation/excitement.

What makes Christmas morning so exciting is that it stands out. However if you are also getting another batch of presents, and one you have chosen, it can lessen the impact of the ones from Santa (which really are where the magic is).

gerispringer · 10/12/2023 04:27

I can’t think of anything worse than shopping with a 3 yo, so hats off to your mIL for doing that, presumably freeing you up for an afternoon. Only problem I can see if she bought something you’d already got for him, but presumably you’d told her about this?

Ilovelifeverymuch · 10/12/2023 05:00

AllTheNaps · 10/12/2023 01:32

I'm with you OP, MIL should respect your wishes on what he's been led to believe for Christmas
I don't see any harm in him choosing obviously but does slightest ruin the magic of it all

How? She clearly said her knows Santa doesn't bring all the gifts so MIL buying him a gift has nothing to do with Santa.

HAF1119 · 10/12/2023 06:32

I'd think this is okay. He can have different relationships with Christmas with different people and relatives - in life it will be like this in all aspects.

So with you and everyone else gifts are surprises, with that one GP he goes out for a shop, picks them, and that's what ends up wrapped for Christmas.

He will honestly look forward to both experiences

IfYouDontAsk · 10/12/2023 06:36

For context, he does know that Santa doesn't bring everything, he knows the wrapped gifts under the tree are from friends and family.

YABU. If MIL turns this into an annual tradition he will probably have very happy memories of going Christmas shopping with Granny.

Namechange4234 · 10/12/2023 06:38

IfYouDontAsk · 10/12/2023 06:36

For context, he does know that Santa doesn't bring everything, he knows the wrapped gifts under the tree are from friends and family.

YABU. If MIL turns this into an annual tradition he will probably have very happy memories of going Christmas shopping with Granny.

Give your head a wobble. You're not in charge of everything

winniethepooped · 10/12/2023 06:46

GrumpyPanda · 10/12/2023 03:22

You lost me at using "magic/magical" no less than four times in your OP. This relentless Disneyfication of Christmas, all no doubt in the original Coca Cola commercial Santa colours, is both ridiculous and repellent. You want magic, take him to the nativity play, and don't interfere with a loving grandmother buying him gifts.

This. Totally agree. OP sorry, you're being ridiculous

RedHelenB · 10/12/2023 06:47

AllTheNaps · 10/12/2023 01:32

I'm with you OP, MIL should respect your wishes on what he's been led to believe for Christmas
I don't see any harm in him choosing obviously but does slightest ruin the magic of it all

But he knows FC isn't delivering all the presents so MiL isn't ruining anything.OP is being ridiculous.

Chipsahoyagain · 10/12/2023 06:49

NuffSaidSam · 10/12/2023 02:26

So your DS gets the magic of surprises from his gifts from you/Santa/other people and from MIL he gets the magic of being taken to the toy shop and being allowed to choose what he wants?

Lucky boy!

Not clear why you want to ruin the second kind of magic for him. Jealousy?

I think jealousy too. Heartbroken op? Give your head a hood wobble as to what heartbroken really is Fgs.

rwalker · 10/12/2023 06:58

it was always made VERY clear any presents that come from friends and family were from them not past off as Santa presents

my mum used to spend a fortune and loads of time and effort getting my sisters kid’s presents then she’d say they were from Santa my mum wouldn’t get as much as a thanks as the kids didn’t realise she’d bought them anything

LolaSmiles · 10/12/2023 07:02

I'm starting to hate the phrase "magic of Christmas" and "ruining the magic".

Anyway the magic of Christmas should be generosity and spending time with loved ones. Going out with a relative, them taking the time to let you explore, then carefully selecting something with you, and you get the excitement of knowing you get to open it is well within the spirit of Christmas.

HowVeryBizarre · 10/12/2023 07:06

Thank goodness you are not my DIL, how precious! You can have whatever traditions you want, imposing them on everyone around is really annoying.

SkankingWombat · 10/12/2023 07:08

Well this has tickled me - this is of the same level of PFB batshittery as another MN user many years ago who admitted to warming cucumber sticks when weaning because fridge-chilled cucumber would be too cold for their little darling's mouth 😂 Only that was amusing and harmless, and didn't involve another family member who has done a lovely thing... (And they were retrospectively laughing at themselves)

No magic has been ruined here. In fact, he might even grow into the kind of person who finds the surprise element quite stressful (hello DD1!). He's had a lovely day out with Grandma and can still feel the excited anticipation of receiving a gift he knows he'll definitely get. DCs are very adaptable to different settings or people doing things differently, and will simply get to enjoy anticipation of the known as well as the unknown. He is very lucky to have a GP who cares and takes him out for a day to spoil him, and how lovely that this might be the start of their own mini tradition together. Unless there is a massive drip feed that she picked up all of the gifts you are getting him on your behalf and let him see those too, you are hugely U.

CormorantStrikesBack · 10/12/2023 07:10

I used to tell Dd that Father Christmas brought some presents but relatives also brought others. Because otherwise how would she know who to thank for what? All the father Xmas stuff was in one type of wrapping paper and in a different sack.

ruthieness · 10/12/2023 07:18

i agree with you op
the reason that Christmas presents are wrapped is to heighten the drama of surprise

it is not the same if you know what the present is going to be.

I think as a parent you should be able to choose how your family celebrate a festival

and taking a child shopping to choose for themselves can be kept for other occasions -
the question here is whether this was done against your express wishes

Alchemistress · 10/12/2023 07:20

If she did it last year as well ( when he was 2) she's hardly 'ruining the magic' as presumably this year he wouldn't have enjoyed it as it had been 'ruined' last year?

This is your problem OP. Don't look for ways to be pissed off at your MIL, just enjoy the fact that they like spending time together. You can't control everything that they experience - before long they'll be at school and someone will tell them Santa isn't real. That's when 'ruining the magic' kicks in!

ViaRia01 · 10/12/2023 07:21

YABU
Yes, he’s your son and you have your way of doing things, Christmas traditions and memories to make.

but this is about MIL’s relationship with him. He’ll have to learn in time that people are all different and do things differently. As he already knows that gifts under the tree are from friends and family, this isn’t really ruining a fundamental part of your family Christmas- it’s just granny’s way of spoiling him.

I prefer your way and I’d think it were a bit of a shame to do granny’s way but you can’t police every single little thing.

RedToothBrush · 10/12/2023 07:21

He's THREE.

Even my 'switched on' three year old forgot half of things in a couple of weeks. And his memory is crazy.

They had something magical - doing something together. He doesn't get the presents straight away. He still has the magical day he gets to play with them.

Honestly. Pick your battles. It's fine for her to do it this way and you to do it another. It doesn't take away from either. It's just different.

SleepingStandingUp · 10/12/2023 07:24

What is it you think he's going to lose? He's got some presents he really likes. Is it stuff you wanted to buy him? Is it more than you've brought him? I'm impressed she got away with it all going home with her. And in a few weeks it'll arrive wrapped and he'll have NO idea what's in each box and will open it and be excited that the toy he picked that went away is HERE or he'll have forgotten totally and be excited a cool toy is here!!

Swipe left for the next trending thread